Hatrack River Forum: Rules for Food

This is topic Rules for Food in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

This came up in the office today, so I thought I should post my rules here.

1) Never pass up free Chocolate (must be REAL chocolate. White chocolate, tootsie rolls and other chocolate colored sugars and gums, and especially bits of Ex-Lax do not count)

2) Never eat anything uglier than yourself. For me this only eliminates such things as Crawfish, Squid, Snails, and Margaret Thatcher.

3) Blue is not a natural color. Even "blueberries" are purple. Not that all "blue" foods are bad. I'm just saying.

4) Never eat anything bigger than your head. In fact, your stomach is about the size of your fist, unless you've been stretching it a lot.

5) Salt is not a meat, fish, vegatable, or fruit. Its not an herb, garnish, dairy product or baked good. Its a mineral--a rock. Rocks should not make up the bulk of your diet.

6) Everything tastes better fried. Fried foods taste better fried in bacon grease. Bacon grease, depending on your faith, will either kill you or damn you. Enjoy.

Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :

1) I completely disagree. If I don't feel like it and won't enjoy it, why should I put something into my body that will do it harm? (Being overweight and in danger of diabetes like my father, it does do my body harm.)

2) I disagree again. I'd starve if I followed that rule. [Wink]

3) Almostly completely true. BTW, have you ever had giraffe tongue?

4) If you put "at one time" in there, then I think I can agree

5) You can have my salt when you pry it from...

6) Now I'm craving bacon.

Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :

7) "Gift" food (and food eaten from someone else's plate) have no calories and can be eaten with impugnity.

8) "Doggie bag" food not eaten within 24 hours of removal from the restaurant is up for grabs.

9) Never put the milk, juice, etc. back in the fridge with less than a full serving (as if you didn't just drink the last of it.)

Posted by BaoQingTian (Member # 8775) on :

Bah, the rules have got to be flexible depending on when and where you are. Living in Taiwan I watched about every rule you can think of just go out the window, as the new Americans would arrive.

For example:
Phase 1) Sees a hair in his meal. Stops eating in disgust.
Phase 2) Sees hair in his meal. Tosses the hair out, along with the portion of food around the hair and keeps tentatively eating.
Phase 3) Sees a hair in his meal. Throws the hair out, keeps eating.
Phase 4) Sees a hair in his meal. Pulls it out, licks the pieces of food off still clinging to it, then finishes his meal.
Phase 5) Actually gets hungry watching the lady preparing the restaraunts food as she buys a fly covered piece of meat from the back of a guy's pickup truck and proceeds to wash the vegetables off on the public sidewalk, next to the open sewer.
Phase 6) After trying 1000 year old eggs, bees, and dog, he gets up the courage to actually ingest deliberately fermented bean curd (smells about like fresh dog turd). This phase is usually followed by heavy vomiting and possible death.

So rather than hard and fast rules, I see it as more of a continuum [Wink]

Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :

My only rules for food are that I'll try anything once, with two caveats. I reserve the right to refuse any food that is either:

a) an internal organ (intestines, liver, stomach, brain, etc... skin/muscle don't count in my mind as organs in this sense), or

b) something I consider bait (squid, anchovies, etc)

Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :

BQT, I can attest to this. After a year in Korea I was at a restaurant with two buddies and we all ordered the same dish. As I was eating, I found the front half of a bug of some sort in my food. I wondered out loud if one of us had eaten the other half. A minute later one of my friends found the back half of what looked like the same bug in his food. We put the two ends together and my friend commented on how it looked like there was a piece missing and we both looked at the third guy who just said "I don't want to know" and closed his eyes (but finished eating his meal.) [Smile]

Posted by BaoQingTian (Member # 8775) on :

You just cursed me Karl. I'll have to bring up your version for the 'biting into an apple/finding half a worm' everytime that topic comes up. Yours is so much better. The best part was he kept eating it even believing there was a bug in it. Priceless.

Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :

quote:
Originally posted by BaoQingTian:
Bah, the rules have got to be flexible depending on when and where you are. Living in Taiwan I watched about every rule you can think of just go out the window, as the new Americans would arrive.

For example:
Phase 1) Sees a hair in his meal. Stops eating in disgust.
Phase 2) Sees hair in his meal. Tosses the hair out, along with the portion of food around the hair and keeps tentatively eating.
Phase 3) Sees a hair in his meal. Throws the hair out, keeps eating.
Phase 4) Sees a hair in his meal. Pulls it out, licks the pieces of food off still clinging to it, then finishes his meal.
Phase 5) Actually gets hungry watching the lady preparing the restaraunts food as she buys a fly covered piece of meat from the back of a guy's pickup truck and proceeds to wash the vegetables off on the public sidewalk, next to the open sewer.
Phase 6) After trying 1000 year old eggs, bees, and dog, he gets up the courage to actually ingest deliberately fermented bean curd (smells about like fresh dog turd). This phase is usually followed by heavy vomiting and possible death.

So rather than hard and fast rules, I see it as more of a continuum

So true, and it was completely void of any exageration!

You ought to mention that by Phase 3, possibly 4, the person has no problem eating from buffet restaurants that have the food sitting out there for hours completely exposed with MAYBE little pieces of plastic bag attached to spinning metal prongs to keep most of the flies away from the food.

By phase 6 (I think I have reached 6) you will try the fermented bean curd (toufu to you unknowing Americans) you will try it, you will digest it, but nobody EVER says it tastes good.

Rule #1 of the REALLY out there Chinese quisine

"Often texture matters more than taste"

edit: The dish "Stinky Toufu" clearly demonstrates this rule.

I ran into a girl the other day and in referencing tou fu I lapsed into my Chinese pronounciation and called it "doe fu (pin yin = dou fu)" the girl corrected me and said its Tou Fu. I mentioned that I was saying the Chinese pronounciation for it, and she insisted that "Doe (phoenetic spelling not pin yin)" did not exist in Chinese and that I could reference The Sound of Music as proof. Doe a deer being clearly English and not Chinese.

I just looked at her incredulously perhaps with a hint of haughty indignation and just ended the conversation.

Also I do not care what you say, Red Bean no matter how its served tastes JUST like dirt.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

I have never been through those phases. And I will NEVER eat bugs if I can help it (for religious reasons as well as gross! ones).

But I like tofu! It's pretty good plain, and it's really yummy cooked with sauce, rice, and veggies.

Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :

quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
I have never been through those phases. And I will NEVER eat bugs if I can help it (for religious reasons as well as gross! ones).

But I like tofu! It's pretty good plain, and it's really yummy cooked with sauce, rice, and veggies.

I made an edit for you [Wink]

Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :

I knew I had adjusted to life in Brazil when I looked down, saw about a dozen ants swimming in my lemonade, and drank 'em down.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

*turns green*

Posted by BaoQingTian (Member # 8775) on :

I did write that with you in mind BlackBlade. I figured you'd appreciate [Smile]

So I guess based on others' input my addition to the rule list would be:
#Last) When in a foreign country, all other food rules are null and void

Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :

I ordered a sub at a local gaming casino. After eating the first half, I realized that the bread on the bottom of the second half was solid green. Spat it out right there to the joy of everyone around me.

When I show it to the guy at the counter, he had the audacity to ask me "do you want another one?"

"No, just hand me yesterday's trash. I'll pick something out of there, you dolt."

Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :

My favorite bug-in-the-food story was during my first trimester. Just after a doctor's visit, my hubby and I went to a reputable Mexican food restaurant for lunch. We both ordered taco salads and when I was almost done, I found a live webworm crawling around in my lettuce. Since I was newly pregnant and experiencing horrible morning sickness all day (whoever named that condition "morning" sickness had to be a man and he was an idiot), it was all I could do to not barf everywhere. They were nice about it and asked if I wanted to order anything else. Uh, no thanks pal! We just got up and left.