My boyfriend is planning to move in with me soon. I'm happy about it, but I'm also afraid we'll kill each other. And I'm kind of a slob, so I'm afraid he'll get pissed off about that. We already worked out expenses and such (which are, essentially, he pays utilities and food because my parents are paying the mortgage). But...yeah, how did you adjust to sharing your home?
-pH
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
quote: How did you adjust to living with someone?
Not very well..
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
My one foray into living with an SO ended not because of us living together, which was fine, but because the relationship ended. In other words, living with her was no problem in and of itself.
Of course, I grew up sharing a room with two brothers, so YMMV.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
When I've lived with someone, the transition has always been a fairly slow, organic one, where we eventually realize that we're defacto living together but paying for rent on two different places. Usually official living together has come about when one of the two leases ended.
Have you had roommates before?
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
I grew up sharing a room with 2 brothers but it was not until my missionary days that I REALLY learned how to live with a stranger.
I got married a few months ago and obviously we moved in together. Its actually been much easier then I thought it would be because I had to learn to live with men who were much more fickle.
My wife is pretty much happy as I do just a handful of easy things that make things more bearable.
She was very surprised that I don't pee standing up, as that was one of the things her girlfriends had told her to start dreading. Regaling her with horror stories about husbands who get it all over the walls and even on the ceiling occasionally.
Who are these guys?
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I've never not shared my home, except for one summer.
Oh, that was nice.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
The main thing, I think, is money and time/togetherness allocation. If neither of you have financial difficulties, that helps a lot for obvious reasons.
The other question, of time, is a bit more difficult to master. For instance, I like my alone time, and she liked being together as much as possible. Anecdotally, I have heard of other people having problems with friends time and couple time.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH: My boyfriend is planning to move in with me soon. I'm happy about it, but I'm also afraid we'll kill each other. And I'm kind of a slob, so I'm afraid he'll get pissed off about that. We already worked out expenses and such (which are, essentially, he pays utilities and food because my parents are paying the mortgage). But...yeah, how did you adjust to sharing your home?
-pH
Ultimately, it's going to hinge on whether the two of you can make your expectations clearly known beforehand and attempt to uphold your ends of whatever bargains you strike. Communication about this is key.
If you're a slob and it will bother him, it's your responsibility to try harder. If you slack off (and you will, everyone does!), it's his responsibility to peacefully communicate his dissatisfaction to you. And vice versa, for anything else you two run into problems about.
Don't ask the impossible of each other. It's reasonable for him to expect you to pick up periodically; it's unreasonable of him to expect you to turn into an OCD neat freak just because he moves in.
This is how my roommate and I get along. I am a hundred thousand times more meticulous, clean, neat and organized than he is, but we discussed it beforehand and agreed that because my standards are significantly higher than his, the responsibility to maintain those standards is almost exclusively mine. Hence, I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc. In return, he never, EVER gets to whine or complain about the state of the apartment, the availability of food, the quality thereof, etc., and is required to do any task I ask of him more or less immediately - which works, because I rarely ask.
We both uphold our ends of the bargain to the letter, and it works beautifully.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Yeah, the more things you are anal about, the more points of trouble there will be.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
I would echo Storm in that the main problem I've run in to living with a SO is finding alone time. I assume you know how much time you can spend with your SO before you kill him, and if that is all the time, good for you. But if it's not, you should work out a way for each of you to be alone.
quote:She was very surprised that I don't pee standing up, as that was one of the things her girlfriends had told her to start dreading. Regaling her with horror stories about husbands who get it all over the walls and even on the ceiling occasionally.
Who are these guys?
Oh, these guys are everywhere. They hide inside of us. There's one inside you right now, just waiting to come out and urinate on the upholstery. What can you do to keep these cheeky leakers locked away for good? Not drink so much alcohol that everything in your apartment looks like a toilet. Good luck my friend, and God bless... you'll need it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
You and the boyfriend need to have a conversation about tolerance and respect. Then, whenever you are feeling that things are getting stressful, ask yourself, "Am I being tolerant? Am I being respectful? Is he?" If you are not, then get with it! And if he is not, remind him about the tolerance and respect conversation.
I think that tolerance and respect go a long way towards smoothing out most problems.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by vonk: Oh, these guys are everywhere. They hide inside of us. There's one inside you right now, just waiting to come out and urinate on the upholstery.
No.
Just...no.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Embrace your inner cheeky leaker, eros.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: You and the boyfriend need to have a conversation about tolerance and respect. Then, whenever you are feeling that things are getting stressful, ask yourself, "Am I being tolerant? Am I being respectful? Is he?" If you are not, then get with it! And if he is not, remind him about the tolerance and respect conversation.
I think that tolerance and respect go a long way towards smoothing out most problems.
Agreed. My wife and I are very open and respectfully so, we don't let any problems get to the point where there is an explosion. If things get heated either of us can say, "You don't need to yell please?" The other always calms down immediately because we have established that a loud voice serves no useful purpose.
Obviously we are not perfect, but I take pride in the fact that we are better then most accounts of early married life that I have heard.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by vonk: I would echo Storm in that the main problem I've run in to living with a SO is finding alone time. I assume you know how much time you can spend with your SO before you kill him, and if that is all the time, good for you. But if it's not, you should work out a way for each of you to be alone.
He works ~80 hour weeks and usually doesn't get off work until after midnight. So I'm hoping I can get my "me" time before midnight. But he also tends to wake up earlier than I would like to, and then he tries to wake me up, and I'm cranky...
I've had roommates, but so far I haven't been able to successfully share a bedroom with any of them...but they were also all female. But yeah...I didn't get along with them. At all. Which may have had a lot to do with personal space issues. Or maybe they were just psycho.
-pH
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
quote:Originally posted by BlackBlade: She was very surprised that I don't pee standing up, as that was one of the things her girlfriends had told her to start dreading. Regaling her with horror stories about husbands who get it all over the walls and even on the ceiling occasionally.
Who are these guys?
I thought I was the only one. My wife likes to bring up that fact when we are heckling each other. I tell her my aim is poor and I am too lazy to clean up.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
*LOL* I've gotten used to Michael putting the toilet seat down...so used to it that I'm absolutely shocked when I have guy friends over who don't.
Then again, I also think that since it's a woman's house, you should put the damn seat down...
Maybe those guys are drunk?
-pH
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
quote:Then again, I also think that since it's a woman's house, you should put the damn seat down...
I fully agree. But I find it odd that women don't feel the need to put the seat back up in a guys house. I don't know how many times I've stumbled into the bathroom at night and peed all over the seat because someone left it down.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Vonk: peeing on the seat isn't nearly as bad as having a butt that's wet with toilet water.
Put the damn seat down.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:I fully agree. But I find it odd that women don't feel the need to put the seat back up in a guys house.
Because both women and men will sit on the toilet.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
Hmm, well, I would tend to think that the person assuming the most risk would care a bit more, and therefor carry the burden. But I also understand the social stigma against men leaving up toilet seats and will therefor put them down to prevent feather/tar combination attacks.
Edit: The Rabbit: Not when peeing.
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
My wife teases me, but she should thank me. Her butt hasn't touched cold water in nearly seven years.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
People of both genders should CLOSE the lid.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by vonk: Hmm, well, I would tend to think that the person assuming the most risk would care a bit more, and therefor carry the burden.
Aiya. Birth control's the woman's responsibility too, eh?
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
I compromised with my wife, we both put the toilet seat down. There are two lids after all on most toilets. If she couldn't be bothered to put the top seat down, then I couldn't be bothered to put down any of them.
I agree with pretty much everyone though. My wife and I are still figuring things out ourselves, but I think the most important thing to realize is that you are not moving in with yourself.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
I think it can be harder to adjust to living with someone when they are moving into a place that was once all yours. The couple's I've known who done it that way have always had a harder time than those that got a new place that they moved into together.
Right now the place is yours alone. Since stuff has a tendency to expand to fill the available space, you probably have stuff in every room and every closet. You likely have things decorated the way you like them. You have things arranged the way you find convenient. When he moves in, some of the space will have to become his space. He will likely want some of his pictures on the walls and some of his things in places that you are using.
You could end up feeling like he is invading your space and he could end up feeling like he has no rights in his own home.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
Erosomniac I liked that you said, "Aiya"
I haven't heard that since I left China
For me its just so much easier for both people to just sit down. I hate having residual urine on the seat and thus I don't stand up because inevitably I am going to have to clean the seat afterwards.
Question, do you use the restroom with the door open or closed? Growing up my parents never shut the door, and now that I am married if Tiffany can see me the door is shut, if she can't it remains open. Though that could be because our restroom is just too small and opening/closing is very obnoxious.
I've asked friends and apparently its much more uncommon to leave the door open then not.
Weird side note. Whenever the cat sees me go to the restroom it runs over to its litter box and joins the fun. I am not sure what its thinking.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by BlackBlade: Erosomniac I liked that you said, "Aiya"
I haven't heard that since I left China
It's a Hawaii thing for me - the central melting pot of Asian culture in the US.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
quote:Originally posted by rivka: People of both genders should CLOSE the lid.
Yeah, you win. In practice, this is my philosophy as well. In theory, however, I have qualms.
quote:Aiya. Birth control's the woman's responsibility too, eh?
Yes! No, no, of course not. To me, the risks in this situation are both so high that they are of equal importance to both parties. But I also understand that not everyone feels the same way.
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
Oh, the stuff, that's another thing. All of the guys stuff must go. I had a stop sign on a pedistal for an end table. A beer keg for a microwave stand. A plastic statue of a penguin in the corner. And finally, a collection of beer bottle caps in a jar. Everything went. All replaced with candles, flowers, and jars. Why do we need so many jars?
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
quote:Originally posted by brojack17: Oh, the stuff, that's another thing. All of the guys stuff must go. I had a stop sign on a pedistal for an end table. A beer keg for a microwave stand. A plastic statue of a penguin in the corner. And finally, a collection of beer bottle caps in a jar. Everything went. All replaced with candles, flowers, and jars. Why do we need so many jars?
I demanded one room, for me it turned into the den. I have my old Jimmy Buffett lps on the wall, and a few other knick knacks from the college dorm days.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:Edit: The Rabbit: Not when peeing.
I've known men who sit down to pee. They tend to be very considerate guys who don't expect that someone else will clean up after them if they miss the target.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:Originally posted by rivka: People of both genders should CLOSE the lid.
Never! :pirate:
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit:
quote:Edit: The Rabbit: Not when peeing.
I've known men who sit down to pee. They tend to be very considerate guys who don't expect that someone else will clean up after them if they miss the target.
Many would call that whipped. :-)
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit: I think it can be harder to adjust to living with someone when they are moving into a place that was once all yours. The couple's I've known who done it that way have always had a harder time than those that got a new place that they moved into together.
Right now the place is yours alone. Since stuff has a tendency to expand to fill the available space, you probably have stuff in every room and every closet. You likely have things decorated the way you like them. You have things arranged the way you find convenient. When he moves in, some of the space will have to become his space. He will likely want some of his pictures on the walls and some of his things in places that you are using.
You could end up feeling like he is invading your space and he could end up feeling like he has no rights in his own home.
I do worry about this, but he actually helped me decorate (actually, he's had a key since before we started dating, since he helped me move in, and I thought it would be a good idea for someone else to have one just in case). I kind of feel like he has SOME part in my house; he helps with repairs and stuff. He does want the left bedroom closet, which is now exclusively devoted to my jeans.
We're hoping that at some point, he can rent a bigger place and we can live there, but I'm not sure how long it will be before that's realistic. The storm ate his house, so he's been sleeping on his parents' couch because until recently, rents have been ridiculously high (which is why I have a mortgage in the first place - it was cheaper).
-pH
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
quote:Originally posted by Stephan:
quote:Originally posted by brojack17: Oh, the stuff, that's another thing. All of the guys stuff must go. I had a stop sign on a pedistal for an end table. A beer keg for a microwave stand. A plastic statue of a penguin in the corner. And finally, a collection of beer bottle caps in a jar. Everything went. All replaced with candles, flowers, and jars. Why do we need so many jars?
I demanded one room, for me it turned into the den. I have my old Jimmy Buffett lps on the wall, and a few other knick knacks from the college dorm days.
I have a room now. Now that we are older and there are enough rooms to go around. But it was just in the last 1 1/2 years that my things came out of the attic.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Wow, vonk, that "women have the most risk so they have the most responsibility" comment made my lesbian side hop up and scream "SEE WHAT THEY ARE LIKE!!"
Have a little courtesy. Be nice to any woman unfortunate enough to love you.
Put the damn seat down.
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
I've known my wife for fifteen years, and have been married for four. And we're *still* at odds in this regard.
Part of the problem is that I don't have my own room - no den, no garage, nothing - and she has... well... the entire house. The family dog has more room to keep his stuff than I do.
Then again, short of where my clothes are I've learned to be entirely self sufficient on my laptop bag, which pretty much contains everything I need. No, no towel, but still.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Stephan: The idea that someone is "whipped" if they're nice to the woman they love is one of the nastiest things about men's culture.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: Wow, vonk, that "women have the most risk so they have the most responsibility" comment made my lesbian side hop up and scream "SEE WHAT THEY ARE LIKE!!"
Have a little courtesy. Be nice to any woman unfortunate enough to love you.
Put the damn seat down.
I needed something to make me laugh today.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: Stephan: The idea that someone is "whipped" if they're nice to the woman they love is one of the nastiest things about men's culture.
So true.
Fortunately, most of the men I know don't feel this way.
Except for Porter, apparently. Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH: He does want the left bedroom closet, which is now exclusively devoted to my jeans.
This has me thinking...does this mean you have way too many clothes, or that I have far too little?
*doesn't have enough jeans to fill a drawer *
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Have a little courtesy for the men. Leave the seat up. Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by Javert:
quote:Originally posted by pH: He does want the left bedroom closet, which is now exclusively devoted to my jeans.
This has me thinking...does this mean you have way too many clothes, or that I have far too little?
*doesn't have enough jeans to fill a drawer *
I don't really own any pants that aren't jeans. And I keep jeans that don't fit me anymore just in case. So I have like...eight jeans and three denim skirts. *thinks* What else is in that closet...um, some skirts...
On the other hand, I have too many underwear for a single drawer.
Edit: I just remembered that he uses FABRIC SOFTENER. How are we going to share laundry?!! *is allergic to fabric softener*
-pH
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: Have a little courtesy for the men. Leave the seat up.
I honestly do not understand how anyone with pets and/or small children can object to the notion of closing the lid.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Closing the lid because critters can't be trusted not to play in it is so totally different argument than closing it because there are women who might that toilet.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH:
quote:Originally posted by Javert:
quote:Originally posted by pH: He does want the left bedroom closet, which is now exclusively devoted to my jeans.
This has me thinking...does this mean you have way too many clothes, or that I have far too little?
*doesn't have enough jeans to fill a drawer *
I don't really own any pants that aren't jeans. And I keep jeans that don't fit me anymore just in case. So I have like...eight jeans and three denim skirts. *thinks* What else is in that closet...um, some skirts...
On the other hand, I have too many underwear for a single drawer.
Edit: I just remembered that he uses FABRIC SOFTENER. How are we going to share laundry?!! *is allergic to fabric softener*
-pH
Well, I would lead with something along the lines of:
"Honey, I know how much you love fabric softener...but if you use it, I might die."
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
quote:Originally posted by rivka:
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: Have a little courtesy for the men. Leave the seat up.
I honestly do not understand how anyone with pets and/or small children can object to the notion of closing the lid.
Seconded. Many years ago, my cat (kitten at the time) would jump on the toilet to get to the sink and lick at the water there. Until the day my dad left the seat up...
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
You know, there is a good reason why some men prefer to stand to pee. Actually, make that a couple. Actually, make that three.
quote: The idea that someone is "whipped" if they're nice to the woman they love is one of the nastiest things about men's culture.
Shouldn't you be making your husband a sandwich or something?
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
He's also going to do the cooking...I'm having trouble trying to figure out exactly what I'm contributing to this arrangement....the boobs?
-pH
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
So you convinced him to move in, eh? 'Bout time. I've had plenty of roommates. Worse one was one that I had known prior to rooming with. He didn't help paying bills. So after the 6 month lease was up, I moved out. Which forced him to move because he couldn't afford the rent by himself.
As far as the toilet seat issue going on here... I leave the seat down at my parent's house, and any house I am visiting. That of which I do as a courtesy. At my own house, I am the only person living here, I leave it down because I am too lazy to lift it up. That, and I do most of my peeing at work. But the seat does do something else for me. It's something a bit easier to hold on to when paying homage to the porcelain god. Thankfully I didn't need that this weekend. I crawled to bed. I remember that much.
Edited to add: Pearce...I'm just going to leave that last post of yours alone. Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Storm: That's an idea, actually. I can stop cooking for him till he agrees to always put the seat down. And I won't buy any snotpockets either so if he wants to eat HE will have to buy his own snot pockets AND microwave them himself.
I'll be eating Baked Chicken Romanesque that I only made enough of for myself.
If that doesn't work, I won't do his laundry either.
Remember guys, You get a lot more from us than we get from you.
Put the damn seat down.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: Closing the lid because critters can't be trusted not to play in it is so totally different argument than closing it because there are women who might that toilet.
I don't recall having made the argument you are objecting to. I personally close the lid in the bathroom that no one uses but me. For sanitary reasons -- things are much less likely to fall in, and fewer droplets of bacteria-laden water get out.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: Remember guys, You get a lot more from us than we get from you.
Really? Maybe I'm doing something wrong in all of my relationships. Because it always seemed like I was the only one doing anything. I had the regular job, I payed for all the dates, and anything else with. I cooked, I cleaned, I helped set up parties their parent's were hosting, and many other items. Wait, wait...forgot. My ex fiance did cook. One time.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
quote:Originally posted by BlackBlade:
Question, do you use the restroom with the door open or closed? Growing up my parents never shut the door, and now that I am married if Tiffany can see me the door is shut, if she can't it remains open. Though that could be because our restroom is just too small and opening/closing is very obnoxious.
My parents never closed the door while I was growing up, either. Now, I close it if someone else is in the house, and leave it open if they aren't.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Stan: for every couple in your position, there are 10(*) that are the other way around.
Pix
(*) Studies have shown that 79.8% of statistics are made up. The point stands, though.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:Put the damn seat down.
Nope.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
BB: My hubby leaves the door open. I make a point to talk to him in a very loud and obnoxious voice whenever I see him do it.
In my opinion, one should never have to see the person they love excreting waste. Not a lot of romance there...
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:I don't recall having made the argument you are objecting to.
No, but you did object to my objection of that argument.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
I generally close the toilet completely, but I think I'm going to start leaving the seat up just to assert my masculinity now. Hell, I may take the seat off entirely!
Posted by Hitoshi (Member # 8218) on :
quote:Originally posted by vonk:
quote:She was very surprised that I don't pee standing up, as that was one of the things her girlfriends had told her to start dreading. Regaling her with horror stories about husbands who get it all over the walls and even on the ceiling occasionally.
Who are these guys?
Oh, these guys are everywhere. They hide inside of us. There's one inside you right now, just waiting to come out and urinate on the upholstery. What can you do to keep these cheeky leakers locked away for good? Not drink so much alcohol that everything in your apartment looks like a toilet. Good luck my friend, and God bless... you'll need it. [/QB]
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
*Getting tired of smug looks from her lesbian side...*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head:
quote:I don't recall having made the argument you are objecting to.
No, but you did object to my objection of that argument.
Perhaps. But as I said, on general sanitary principles.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Unless I'm remembering wrong, most of those santary objections have been debunked.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
So things aren't less likely to fall in if the lid is closed?
Wow, some forcefield you must have.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by rivka: So things aren't less likely to fall in if the lid is closed?
Wow, some forcefield you must have.
Or perhaps somebody put saran wrap over his bowl and he has yet to notice? Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
quote:They tend to be very considerate guys who don't expect that someone else will clean up after them if they miss the target.
Would you be insinuating that men who pee while standing tend to be inconsiderate and urinate everywhere? Because I hope not. Also, having the idea that single guys that live alone prefer to have their seat left up and it may be considerate for a female to put it up after use does not a messy pee-er make.
quote:Wow, vonk, that "women have the most risk so they have the most responsibility" comment made my lesbian side hop up and scream "SEE WHAT THEY ARE LIKE!!"
Have a little courtesy. Be nice to any woman unfortunate enough to love you.
Put the damn seat down.
I do put the seat down. and the lid. Every time. And I don't like how the logic I use to defend a theoretical toilet seat issue can be stretched to include every risk/responsibility men and women might share.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
quote:Originally posted by Stan the man:
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: Remember guys, You get a lot more from us than we get from you.
Really? Maybe I'm doing something wrong in all of my relationships. Because it always seemed like I was the only one doing anything. I had the regular job, I payed for all the dates, and anything else with. I cooked, I cleaned, I helped set up parties their parent's were hosting, and many other items. Wait, wait...forgot. My ex fiance did cook. One time.
Amen! A-freaking-men! I would hope my tone wouldn't have quite the bitterness of Stan's, but I often feel the very same way.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
vonk: Somehow I think if you were doing all that, the toilet seat would be so much easier as to be unoticeable.
If I could by keeping the seat down obtain delicious cooking, dates paid for, free cleaning, and even the party set up, it would be a no brainer for me.
Honestly speaking Vonk even if you aim perfectly, are you suggesting that you don't still get vapor condensation on the seat by standing up?
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
When you love someone, or even just want to get along with them, you agree to do certain things just to make them happy, even if those things are illogical or inconvenient.
So if you are living with someone and you aren't a grade A self centered jerk, then you do at least some of the things that he/she wants. That may mean putting down the toilet seat for her. It may mean letting him keep the penguin in the corner. Every couple needs to decide what the proper compromises should be. The point easy that both parties need to be willing to accomodate at least some of the desires of the other party just because you care about them.
If you don't, you are pretty selfish and don't deserve to have the love or friendship of anyone you might live with.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
vonk, the only thing on mine is that I actually like...correction...love to cook. I never owned my own microwave until this November. I still hardly ever use it. Now, I must tend to actually eating my dinner, vice smelling it. Roast leg of lamb with a dijon mustard sauce, and some potatoes.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:Originally posted by vonk: Hmm, well, I would tend to think that the person assuming the most risk would care a bit more, and therefor carry the burden.
quote:And I don't like how the logic I use to defend a theoretical toilet seat issue can be stretched to include every risk/responsibility men and women might share.
Vonk, I think that the birth control issue was intended to illustrate the fallacy in your original argument. This is a pretty standard rhetorical technique used to explore the potential validity of an argument. You present the argument "Person A should carry the burden because person A has the greater risk". You have implied that lesser personal risk justifies lower personal responsibility. So in resonponse, someone else produced a different scenario in which person B has lesser risks in order to explore the validity of the of your original implication.
I doubt it was intended to imply that you feel you have no responsibility for birth control. It was intended to question the validity of the reason you posted for why a man shouldn't have responsibility for the toilet seat.
I also think that your originally argument is ethically flawed. I believe it is an absolute ethical imperitive to ensure that my actions don't unduly endanger others. I think that responsibility is even greater than the responsibility to protect myself.
For example, if I'm cooking for others I take even greater care to make sure I don't contaminate the food than if I'm only cooking for myself. If I'm leading a hike, I'm even more careful to avoid a dangerous route than if no one is following me. And if someone else is likely to sit in the filth I leave on the toilet sit, I feel an even greater responsibility to clean it up than if its my only private toilet.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
A better example would be leaving a skateboard at the stairs. You know it's there, you have less risk. Is it then the responsibility of the next person to come along to look and make sure you haven't booby trapped the stairs?
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Good example Pixiest.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:When you love someone, or even just want to get along with them, you agree to do certain things just to make them happy, even if those things are illogical or inconvenient.
I completely agree.
I reject, however, the notion that the issue of the toilet seat is something that should always be capitulated to by the person who doesn't want to put it down.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Next in the compatibility survey: Toilet paper running over the top or down the back of the roll.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: Next in the compatibility survey: Toilet paper running over the top or down the back of the roll.
I am indifferent on the matter.
Though I still haven't gotten many responses to the bathroom door open or closed question.
I'd like to know if there is any correlation as to which side of the bed men and women sleep on.
Facing the bed I was always a right sider, since I got married my wife insisted on having the right side as she said its more comfortable. So after about 24 years of right sidedness now I am a lefty. I got used to it surprisingly fast, I guess it was not a big deal.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:I reject, however, the notion that the issue of the toilet seat is something that should always be capitulated to by the person who doesn't want to put it down.
Its the simple fact that you see this as "capitulation" that bugs me. It makes it sounds like this is a power struggle and you need to win to prove you're the man or some such thing. Maybe it doesn't matter to your partner and if thats the case then its not a problem.
But if it does matter to your partner, why do you feel like you've "capitulated" by doing it? Its not like its a big deal for you to lift the toilet sit before you urinate and then put it back down. Its a tiny thing that you could do to accomodate the wishes of your partner. Its not capitulation, its accomdation and consideration. Shouldn't the fact that it makes her unhappy if you leave the seat up be enough reason alone to do it?
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:I reject, however, the notion that the issue of the toilet seat is something that should always be capitulated to by the person who doesn't want to put it down.
Honestly, when you sit on the toilet and all men do sometimes sit on can, do you move the seat to the up position when your done so it will be ready for you the next time you need to pee?
I've never known a man who did that but maybe there are some. If you aren't one of them, why would you expect a woman to put the seat up after she sits on the toilet?
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: Next in the compatibility survey: Toilet paper running over the top or down the back of the roll.
Over the top.
Anyone who does otherwise is a barbaric heathen.
-pH
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
True that, Pearce.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH:
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: Next in the compatibility survey: Toilet paper running over the top or down the back of the roll.
Over the top.
Anyone who does otherwise is a barbaric heathen.
-pH
Unless you have a pet or a child who likes unrolling roll.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
....wouldn't it be easier to unroll if it went under the bottom? 'cause that's why I hate it that way; I end up with like thirty billion sheets of toilet paper.
-pH
Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :
Ï love this thread.
My poor wife had the most terrible time of it when I sold up in London and came to Spain to live with her. Not only did she suddenly have to share her one room appartment with a another person, but he came with 24 crates of books, 3 guitars and a bike. NOt to mention a collection of road signs and more CDs than you can shake a stick at.
It really took a while for us to get used to each other in a confined space.
Still we managed, with a minimum of fuss and now we live in a nice house.
The most diffcult thing has been for the pair of us to laern to share our world with a small toddling tornado. As a wise person once said "everything of value placed well out of reach"...
As for the toilet seat - I just pee in the bath.
Posted by Eduardo_Sauron (Member # 5827) on :
quote: He's also going to do the cooking...I'm having trouble trying to figure out exactly what I'm contributing to this arrangement....the boobs?
-pH
Well...I keep telling Isabel hers is the most important contribution to our relationship, so... Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
pH has boobies. Tee hee.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: Stephan: The idea that someone is "whipped" if they're nice to the woman they love is one of the nastiest things about men's culture.
I agree, most of the time. If a man wants, and has never been told, to sit down while doing his business that's one thing. Being told and made to sit down by a woman that is supposed to love and respect him is just plain demeaning.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: Next in the compatibility survey: Toilet paper running over the top or down the back of the roll.
The opposite of whats there. If I finish a roll, I always make it a point to reverse it from the way it was. Mostly because its such a small thing that really irritates so many people.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:Its the simple fact that you see this as "capitulation" that bugs me. ... Its not capitulation, its accomdation and consideration.
You are reading too much into the word "capitulation". In the way I used it, it means exactly the same thing as "accomadation".
Let me clarify -- I don't really think that women shoud leave the seat up. My point was just that I think that it makes as much sense to expect women to leave the seat up because it might be a man who wants to pee next (as in, it's silly and makes almost no sense) as it does to expect men to leave the seat down because it might be a woman who wants to pee next.
I think anybody using a toilet should make sure that they know if the seat is down or up.
quote:As for the toilet seat - I just pee in the bath.
Brilliant!
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
quote:Originally posted by BlackBlade: vonk: Somehow I think if you were doing all that, the toilet seat would be so much easier as to be unoticeable.
...
Honestly speaking Vonk even if you aim perfectly, are you suggesting that you don't still get vapor condensation on the seat by standing up?
Actually, I usually raise and lower both the seat and the lid at the same time because by grabbing the lid as well I avoid unnecessary contact with the top of the seat, where everyone knows the little nasties live. And if they don't, well, I believe they do, and that's enough for me.
Vapor condensation? Really? If I have to start worrying about vapor condensation while urinating I'm just gonna go ahead and pee in/on whatever I feel like.
Oh, and The Rabbit - your probably spot on about there being a flaw in my logic, but I've held it to be true for so long, that I don't think I'll stop now. Besides, I do all the correct/nice/responsible things I need to, including lifting and lowering toilet seats, I just like to have arguments that I believe to be true that I can grumble good naturedly under my breath. And this was a good one, so I'll keep it. Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
I don't have a problem with putting the seat down as something that is important to the other person, but I've got a big problem with the smug, war of the sexes issue that some people on this thread are making out of it. Women don't have this overwelming, god given right to have the seat down that makes it so that men not putting it down are all selfish jerks.
We had this conversation in college in my mixed sex house. And then my friend and I spent about a week walking into a room and saying "I'm going to sit down now. I can only hope that there is a chair there." If you can't take the trouble to look at where you are sitting, I'm not sure you don't deserve the fall into the toilet from time to time. (Incidentally I think we split the time, half the year seats down, the other half whatever. I think that was actually worse for the girls.)
[ December 05, 2006, 10:36 AM: Message edited by: MrSquicky ]
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Yep.
Plus, as I mentioned before, there really are good reasons for dudes to pee standing up.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
quote:Originally posted by Storm Saxon: Yep.
Plus, as I mentioned before, there really are good reasons for dudes to pee standing up.
Good practice for when we need to put a fire out.
Good practice in case we wind up in prison and need to declare our dominance.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
Vonk: By vapor condensation I mean when you hit the bowl but not the water and some of it sprinkles upwards and over. Trust me it happens, I've seen what happens when guys with good aim over time don't clean the lid, it starts turning the color yellow until somebody applies cleaner.
I personally think standing up is fine, but you should be willing to clean the lid sufficiently after each use, or avoid the hassle by sitting.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: I think that it makes as much sense to expect women to leave the seat up because it might be a man who wants to pee next (as in, it's silly and makes almost no sense) as it does to expect men to leave the seat down because it might be a woman who wants to pee next.
Except that men also use the toilet with the seat down on occasion. Both sexes find the need to sit on the toilet.
Edit: Thanks, crappy wireless keyboard!
-pH
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
quote:Women don't have this overwelming, god given right to have the seat down that makes it so that men not putting it down are all selfish jerks.
Exactly. I have no problem putting the seat down, or up, or the seat and lid down whenever I use the restroom. What I have a problem with is the expectation that if I do not do this, I'm a misogynist in the midst of an epic power struggle.
I look before I sit, and it ain't that big of a deal.
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: Storm: That's an idea, actually. I can stop cooking for him till he agrees to always put the seat down. And I won't buy any snotpockets either so if he wants to eat HE will have to buy his own snot pockets AND microwave them himself.
I'll be eating Baked Chicken Romanesque that I only made enough of for myself.
If that doesn't work, I won't do his laundry either.
Remember guys, You get a lot more from us than we get from you.
Put the damn seat down.
Wow. If that is not a partisan viewpoint I don't know what is.
Try reading the worldwatch article.
Shouldn't it be a team effort.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote: I have no problem putting the seat down, or up, or the seat and lid down whenever I use the restroom. What I have a problem with is the expectation that if I do not do this, I'm a misogynist in the midst of an epic power struggle.
I look before I sit, and it ain't that big of a deal.
Trittoed.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
quote: Good practice for when we need to put a fire out.
Good practice in case we wind up in prison and need to declare our dominance.
Nope. Good reasons. Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
brojack: It IS a team effort. Part of guys contribution is putting the seat down. It's a tiny price to pay.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
See, I got a fuzzy toilet seat cover to remind myself (and others) to just close the lid.
For some reason though, a toilet with the seat up looks really dirty to me. *shudder*
-pH
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Do you seriously argue, Pix, that down has to be the default position for the toilet, as some kind of a universal maxim, whenever a bathroom is shared by both sexes?
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Problem Solved Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Noemon: Men are the only ones who need to change the position of the seat. They need to put it back down when they're done.
Honestly though, I need to bail from this thread as it is making me mad at my hubby and he's not even here.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
Okay so...here's a question:
Do you guys make lists of things to be done? I mean like, if he's going to be responsible for the groceries, should we make a list and put it by the door of what we need? How do we decide when laundry is done?
Right now, although we don't live together, he does laundry for my linens and towels at his parents' house because the machines in my building suck and take 2 cycles just to dry a medium load of regular clothes. So that turns into...what? Wash/dry/fold for sheets and towels?
-pH
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Wait, he's doing your laundry, too? Heh, heh.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
quote:For some reason though, a toilet with the seat up looks really dirty to me. *shudder*
Same here. I find the sight visually repulsive for some reason.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
How about touching it with your bare skin? You like that?
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH: Okay so...here's a question:
Do you guys make lists of things to be done? I mean like, if he's going to be responsible for the groceries, should we make a list and put it by the door of what we need? How do we decide when laundry is done?
If you trust his judgement on what to buy, let him go and do it. If you would like to have input, request that he ask you before he leaves. Keep a list; add to it as necessary.
I would, however, suggest avoiding a posted task/chore list unless it becomes necessary.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by Storm Saxon: How about touching it with your bare skin? You like that?
No.
-pH
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
quote:Men are the only ones who need to change the position of the seat. They need to put it back down when they're done.
And there's your problem. We don't need to do a goldarn thing, especially when apparently what all men everywhere need to do seems to be dictated merely by what you want them to. There is nothing about being a woman that elevates you to a position where you get to make dictatorial commands and not get laughed at.
Posted by Jhai (Member # 5633) on :
I pee a lot. I've been told (by the significant other) that I have the bladder of an 8-months pregnant woman. So in our household, the seat is down, because we both know I'll be needing to sit on it before he feels nature calling againg. Maybe twice, even. Granted, I do chug at least 30 ounces of tea/coffee every hour I'm home...
I think this is the fairest way to do. At any given time, what is the probability that the seat is needed in the downward phase?
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
pH, your boyfriend works 80+ hours a week, does the cooking, does the laundry and gets the groceries. Does he ever actually have time to pee?
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Squick: Men expect certain things in a relationship. Women expect certain things in a relationship. This is one of the things we expect, so deal with it.
It's not a dictitorial thing. It's Important to us. Almost falling into the toilet because one's husband can't be bothered to return the seat to it's original position is startling and gross.
If you CARE about the woman you live with, if she's more than just the maid and an inflate-a-date to you, you will put the seat down.
Forgetting every now and then is ok. People forget. But at least try to remember to put it down. And don't go all cocky and arrogant like many of the men in this thread who's appearance of masculinity seems to be more important to them than the woman they say they love.
(I should know I couldn't stay out of a thread that gets my blood boiling.)
Pix
(edited for clarity)
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Pixiest, I really don't agree with you. I don't think this issue is the defining test of manhood or compassion.
I imagine that living with someone is all about picking your battles. This is not a battle I would pick, and you don't speak for all womenkind when you claim it is the Minas Tirath of relationships.
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
Wow pH, you really started a poopie storm. Good luck in your new life. I hope it goes better than this thread!
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
kat: I'll admit it wasn't that important to me till my first case of soggy-bum.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:Almost falling into the toilet because one's husband can't be bothered to return the seat to it's original position is startling and gross.
That is gross. It happened to me once when I was about eight years old. Ever since then, I've made sure that I never sit down on a toilet without making sure that the seat is down.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I have three brothers. I am not unfamiliar with the situation. I also look before I sit down.
It still isn't a battle I would pick. Things like, oh jeez I don't know, never being late to pick me up are more important to me. This may be the deal-breaker for you, but it isn't for all women.
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
quote:Men expect certain things in a relationship. Women expect certain things in a relationship. This is one of the things we expect, so deal with it.
You keep using general terms when what I think you're talking about is yourself. You expect certain things in your relationships and this is one of them. I am not and never will be in a relationship with someone who thinks like you. I disagree very strongly with the way you seem to view male-female interactions and thank all the gods that your whims don't dictate the reality of my interactions.
You don't get to define reality for everyone else. Deal with it.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I am trying to think of other deal-breakers for me, since the toilet thing is not one of them.
One is being gentle. I absolutely cannot be yelled at, at all. So, not raising one's voice and not being harsh is a deal-breaker for me. Since I also like very self-assured, confident, testosteroney guys, this is a rare and precious combo.
The ability to sincerely apologize without feeling like they are being emasculated is also important. Trying to see my side. Never ever leaving me alone if I'm crying - he doesn't have to fix it right then, but never walking away when I'm upset. Treating me with respect. These are all things which are vitally important to me.
The toilet, however, isn't.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Kat: Have you found a man like that? Those seem impossibly high standards.
(edit: I posted this before Kat edited and admitted it was a tough combo)
I'd also like to add that the toilet seat isn't a Deal Breaker or I would be divorced. It's important to me, but no guy I've ever dated has cared and this thread shows the futility of trying to explain it to them. Guys just don't give a rats buttocks. (I've tried explaining it in many ways from the gentle to the "dictitorial" as squick described it.)
The only Deal Breakers for me are violence and infidelity.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Yes, Matt is like that. Not that he's perfect, and I have no idea what the toilet situation is since we don't share one, but he's both very macho and intellectually adventurous and also very considerate and gentle. He is without a doubt a nicer person than I am.
I have to admit he is sometimes late, though. And there's that whole indefinitely postponing the wedding thing which wasn't so fun. For some reason, that wasn't a dealbreaker for me since I understand his reasons and they weren't about me, and he fits me in the things that are dealbreakers.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
quote: No.
-pH
Reason number one why some guys like to pee standing up. Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:The only Deal Breakers for me are violence and infidelity.
I also have a dealbreaker which I'm slightly afraid makes me shallow, but if I'm honest I admit it's there. He just has to be smart. Not just smart in the I-got-a-32-on-the-ACT smart, but articulate and interesting smart. He also has to be taller than me, so I feel pretty. I know they probably shouldn't be dealbreakers, but if those things aren't there, I just don't want to be either.
[ December 05, 2006, 01:31 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Kat: I lived with a guy for 3 years who was only 1 inch taller than me, made significantly less money than me and was significantly less intellegent than me.
But he was cute and funny and I loved him.
He dumped me because he thought he could do better. ><
Pix
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:this thread shows the futility of trying to explain it to them. Guys just don't give a rats buttocks. (I've tried explaining it in many ways from the gentle to the "dictitorial" as squick described it.)
May I suggest that those aren't the only options? You can explain it just fine, we can understand it, we can care, and still not agree with you.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I'm sorry.
I don't know - I knew a guy in Dallas who was brilliant, articulate, nice, wealthy and liked me, but he was two inches shorter and I just couldn't do it. I have actively tried to have a different standard, and it simply doesn't work for me. I do things like make plans and then stop sleeping and cry all the time. By experience, I just can't compromise.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Kat: You can't help who you're attracted to and who you're not =(
Are you very tall? Tall girls have it rough =(
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
quote:Originally posted by Noemon: Do you seriously argue, Pix, that down has to be the default position for the toilet, as some kind of a universal maxim, whenever a bathroom is shared by both sexes?
I'm not Pix, and I wouldn't take it as axiomatic. Having said that, though, as a 25-year-old male who lives alone and has never shared accomodations with a member of the opposite sex since moving out of my parents' house, the toilet seat and lid are both down when I enter the bathroom and when I leave the bathroom. I lower the lid (and seat, if I raised it to pee standing up) before flushing. I also generally wipe the rim of the toilet if I've splashed significantly while peeing standing up.
So yeah, I do think of "down" as the default position of both the seat and the lid, but I recognize that other people do it differently.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I'm 5'8", so it's not bad. The Dallas guy was unusually short.
The smart, articulate, and interesting thing is actually harder to fit.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
5'8" is a lil taller than average. I'm 5'6.5" myself and sometimes I feel like I'm towering over more petite women (and, of course, it makes me feel out of place and unattractive)
I wanted to stop growing when I was 5'3" (and 98 lbs)
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
My older brother is 5'6", and I really think that was a big part of the conflict between us. He tried to make up for it by ordering me around and teasing me, and that made me cry and hate him for it.
A guy I dated in my early twenties was 5'8", and he had a real problem with not respecting me. He would say things like the only reason I got a scholarship was because I was a girl or else that the things I wanted to do were innapropriate for me. Since I like macho but don't like insecure, I simply can't date shorter guys.
I like being tall, although I, along with 95% of American women, do wish I were slimmer.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
quote: A guy I dated in my early twenties was 5'8", and he had a real problem with not respecting me. He would say things like the only reason I got a scholarship was because I was a girl or else that the things I wanted to do were innapropriate for me.
YEEECH! I think I'd like to amend my "deal breaker" list.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
quote:A guy I dated in my early twenties was 5'8", and he had a real problem with not respecting me. He would say things like the only reason I got a scholarship was because I was a girl or else that the things I wanted to do were innapropriate for me. Since I like macho but don't like insecure, I simply can't date shorter guys.
So, this guy was a jerk. And he was shorter than you (or, rather, he was not taller than you). Are you sure he was a jerk because of the height thing? Because if not, that seems like a harsh judgement on short(er) guys.
I personally like taller women, but it seems like there's a large gap between 5'3-4" and 5'11"+. I can't remember the last time I dated a girl who was a good, solid 5'7" or 5'8" (which, if I was was allowed to create a perfect woman from scratch, would be how tall she'd be).
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
I'm 6'5, and am married to a 5'5" woman. Love may conquer all boundaries, but its definitely not good for my back.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
Every so often, when I use the toilet, I need the seat down. One time I fell into the toilet, because I was sleepy, and it was up. Since then, I've learned to check, and if it's up, I put it down.
If I can do it, I certainly expect any woman I'm going to live with to have the mental ability to do it.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
In my experience, tall women don't like tall men. They like men who are of a similar height or a little shorter.
It's really short girls who like the freakishly tall guys. I had a much easier time attracting girls in the 5'-5'9" range than girls taller than that, and I had/have a thing for tall women.
[edit to add: I'm 6'4"]
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
MC: You need the seat down 1/10 as often as us? maybe? Your chance of sleepy and fall in is less than ours.
Be courtious to the person you're pretending to love.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: Be courtious to the person you're pretending to love.
That's possibly the rudest thing that's every been said to me on this forum. WTG.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
MC: But hey, You're "The Man". Damned if you're putting the seat down. You're not gonna be whipped.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:Originally posted by twinky:
quote:Originally posted by Noemon: Do you seriously argue, Pix, that down has to be the default position for the toilet, as some kind of a universal maxim, whenever a bathroom is shared by both sexes?
I'm not Pix, and I wouldn't take it as axiomatic. Having said that, though, as a 25-year-old male who lives alone and has never shared accomodations with a member of the opposite sex since moving out of my parents' house, the toilet seat and lid are both down when I enter the bathroom and when I leave the bathroom. I lower the lid (and seat, if I raised it to pee standing up) before flushing. I also generally wipe the rim of the toilet if I've splashed significantly while peeing standing up.
So yeah, I do think of "down" as the default position of both the seat and the lid, but I recognize that other people do it differently.
Down is the default position for me too; I just prefer the aesthetic of it. In the past I've tended to keep both lids down, but lately it's only the seat that I've been making a point of lowering. (I also find it mind boggling that someone would dribble on the rim, or miss the bowl entirely, and not clean it up, just for the record). I find it mildly irritating when people visit my house and don't conform to my practice. That said, I find the idea that there is some platonic ideal for toilet seat arrangement fairly laughable.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Pig. Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: Pig.
Well, you know, that's just how guys are, right?
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
The idea that being tall makes you two feel unattractive is baffling to me. The taller I feel, the more attractive I feel. I am just a snidge under 5'6", so I am taller than average for American women, but not "tall." The main reason I wear heels and platforms is to increase my height and lengthen my stride. Those things make me feel more attractive than I do normally. And I know tons of guys who's ideal woman is 6'. . . including guys who are shorter than that.
---
pix, I also disagree with your statements about what women expect in a relationship, and that the seat being down is one of them. You are not speaking for all women.
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
It's sad. We're incapable of loving anyone but ourselves.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
quote:Be courtious to the person you're pretending to love
Wow that is mean and unwarrented. If you think that a woman should be able to look where she's putting her bare butt, you must not really love her? I will echo MrSquicky that I thank the gods that your whims don't dictate reality.
It's not about being "The Man" or showing how not whipped you are. All it is, to me, is a simple qualm with a social norm. Nobodies trying to change the rules here, just expressing why they've thought the rules are funny, and maybe a bit odd. (<-- while this sounds like I'm speaking for everyone, I'm gonna go ahead and claim that I'm not)
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by zgator: pH, your boyfriend works 80+ hours a week, does the cooking, does the laundry and gets the groceries. Does he ever actually have time to pee?
He doesn't do the laundry. He does the laundry for linens and towels. I do the regular laundry.
Oh, and as I'm sure most of you know, I'm 6', you puny humans. I like to wear 4" stilettos and crush all in my path.
-pH
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by ElJay: The idea that being tall makes you two feel unattractive is baffling to me.
A lot of men really don't like it if you're taller than them. Also, sometimes you feel like the Incredible Hulk. I kind of like it though because as difficult as it is to find clothes, the ones that I do find look awesome on me. And I have legs up to here, whatever that means.
-pH
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
See, the only way puny 6' guys like me can compete with that is to wear rollerblades all the time, which leads to tons of broken bones. Do you realize what you are doing to the people you pretend to love with your 4" stilettos, pH? Won't somebody please think about the bones, the poor broken bones?
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I've encountered that with men who were shorter than me, actually. Or exactly the same height and fine with it, except when they saw a picture of us together when I was wearing heels. I always just figured that was their problem, and it certainly didn't affect if I felt pretty or not. Of course, someone who's 5'8" or 6' is going to run into it more often than I am at 5'6", and maybe it's the repetition that does it.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by MrSquicky: See, the only way puny 6' guys like me can compete with that is to wear rollerblades all the time, which leads to tons of broken bones. Do you realize what you are doing to the people yuo pretend to love, pH? Won't somebody please think about the bones?
What is this tinny voice I'm hearing? I...I think I see something, but....it's so low to the ground!
-pH
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
Yeeeaahhhh...it's Pearce-zilla. Someone distract her with an enormous pair of PVC pants lest she crush our poor village and all our livelihood.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?! *stomps on Squick*
-pH
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
Oh, my bones. My poor, poor broken bones.
I lie here thinking that all this could have been prevented if only I would have put down the toilet seat. Alas that I was born a man.
---
I could still be saved if someone brings out the enormous, but still slender and tastefully slinky pair of pants.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
If only you had really loved a woman.
*a tear shed*
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
*curiosity* Didn't Pix once say that she preferred women to men even though she'd fallen in love with a man?
-pH
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
Maybe, like so many of us, she's only pretending to love him.
Posted by Lisa (Member # 8384) on :
quote:Originally posted by Noemon: In the past I've tended to keep both lids down, but lately it's only the seat that I've been making a point of lowering.
Ever since I read an article about the way flushing with the toilet open tends to spray nasty germs into the air, we've closed both lids in our house. Then again, the only time we ever have to worry about the bottom lid being up is if a guy happens to be over for a meal or something.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
Pearce fat... Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I love being tall. It makes me feel pretty and I don't wear any shoes except sneakers with less than a two-inch heel. I never said it made me feel unnattractive - where did you get that?
I like guys who are tall as well.
<-- shallow
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I don't really get the whole height thing; it's almost completely irrelevant to me in term of attraction. I'm not saying it's bad that it's important to the people it's important to, but within the bounds of normal, adult human size it just doesn't show up on my radar as something that influences whether or not I'm attracted to someone.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
quote:Originally posted by katharina: He also has to be taller than me, so I feel pretty.
kat - I took this quote to mean that you didn't feel pretty when dating guys who were shorter than you. pix's responses seemed to say the same thing, and you seemed to be agreeing with them. Sorry if I misinterpreted.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
See the solution really is as Primal Curve suggested.
GET A JAPANESE TOILET.
Those things have a everything. I mean shoot the heated seat is enough to make me want to sit down EVERY time because its just so soothing! ----
Ok leaving aside any of the moral arguements for having the seat up and down.
Is it really so obnoxious to do it one way or the other? I just don't see why either side would allow it to become such a heated topic.
If for whatever reason my wife insisted I keep the seat up even though I always sit, I would do it just because its so easy, and the benefit from doing so is well worth the effort.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
It actually turns out that I'm even shallower than that. I feel prettier when the guy I'm with is someone I'm attracted to. Since I like tall, when he's shorter than me, I feel like I'm compromising and I disapprove of myself and don't feel as pretty.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
In my experience working at a dating service, most women want taller men, and most men want shorter women. Sometimes it's really extreme, which I always found funny. When a 5' woman insists that all her dates be 6' or taller, or a 5'10" guy only wants to date women 5' or shorter, it's pretty tough to find a suitable date.
Of course, the worst case is a 6'2" woman who insists that all guys she dates are 6'5" or taller, so she can wear heals and still be shorter. Good luck.
P.S. Toilet paper over the top.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
pH: Ya know you can ask me directly. And the answer is "Yes"
I love my husband. I work 50 hrs a week and come home and cook and clean for him. If I didn't love him, I wouldn't do all that.
As for whoever said I don't speak for all women... Well of COURSE I don't! We don't come out of a factory, each one of us identical ya know.
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
This discussion going on for four pages is the reason why I seldom go to the bathroom in my own house.
"Honey, I need to use the bathroom. Where are the car keys?"
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
::makes mental note not to ride in Nighthawk's car::
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
Of course, if you live someplace that's sufficiently remote (and temperate) you can leave the seat down at all times, handling all standing up business as God intented.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: pH: Ya know you can ask me directly. And the answer is "Yes"
I love my husband. I work 50 hrs a week and come home and cook and clean for him. If I didn't love him, I wouldn't do all that.
As for whoever said I don't speak for all women... Well of COURSE I don't! We don't come out of a factory, each one of us identical ya know.
I thought you said earlier that you'd left the thread from being upset, so I didn't want to bother you.
-pH
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
You know in Biblical times we didn't have to worry about the toilet seat as all men could be colloquially referred to as "Those that pisseth against the wall."
Ill be honest the last time I did that was last week.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
pH: I can't stay out of threads that make my blood boil =( And I really should have stayed out of this thread because now I'm angry at all men for the actions of a few.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
I would love to cook for my wife. But she gets home first and doesn't want to wait. On the weekends she just wants to go out to eat.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: pH: I can't stay out of threads that make my blood boil =( And I really should have stayed out of this thread because now I'm angry at all men for the actions of a few.
You know Pixiest, guys are packaged much the same way girls are. Assembly line process was abandoned a long time ago.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
BB: I was actually going to make an exception for you, but you'd just made a post about peeing on walls. The exception still stands. I think you're a nice, considerate guy... I think you really care about those around you. I just didn't want to appear to endorse public urination =)
Pix
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: BB: I was actually going to make an exception for you, but you'd just made a post about peeing on walls. The exception still stands. I think you're a nice, considerate guy... I think you really care about those around you. I just didn't want to appear to endorse public urination =)
Pix
I don't think you should have to make an exception, though...I think it's better to assume by default that guys are good guys.
-pH
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
pH: Sometimes they make it difficult.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I never really had my own place, and my husband only did for a few months (and was horribly lonely the whole time!) So we were quite happy to move in together. While I think there was an adjustment period, it wasn't hard for me at all; now, I probably took some getting used to...
You should ask KPC. But I'm pretty sure he'll say the benefits made up for the hardships. Posted by Hitoshi (Member # 8218) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: pH: I can't stay out of threads that make my blood boil =( And I really should have stayed out of this thread because now I'm angry at all men for the actions of a few.
Yeah, because assuming all men leave the seat up is rather sexist and stereotypical, and I resent that. I always make sure to flush, leave the seat down, make sure there's plenty of TP left, and clean up anything that goes wrong. So assuming I'm a pig because I'm a man is just as sexist as assuming a woman is "dainty."
Anyways, yeah. If that comes across as being more jerkish than explanatory, sorry, but I am -sick to death- of women I know a) assuming I'm a pig and don't care about cleanliness because I'm a man and b) telling other women it's ok to make fun of men. I side with OSC on this; I'm all for equal rights and women being equal to men, but if it's sexist to make jokes about women, it's just as bad to do it about men.
Anyway, aside from that tangential aside, I can't speak from experience, but you -have- to have strong communication to avoid little disagreements snowballing into arguments and fights. If someone does something and it irks ya, just let them know, without getting out of line, that you prefer it another way. Don't assume they know how you like things, as we can't read minds and tend to forget that others can't, so if they do it a different way, make it be none without making it a big issue. Just my $0.10.
Now who's got my change? Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: I never really had my own place, and my husband only did for a few months (and was horribly lonely the whole time!) So we were quite happy to move in together. While I think there was an adjustment period, it wasn't hard for me at all; now, I probably took some getting used to...
You should ask KPC. But I'm pretty sure he'll say the benefits made up for the hardships.
Read: he'd better say the benefits made up for the hardships. Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
MightyCow - YES! Over the top!! To derail further - it's a constant battle between my Grammie and I. At the summer place in NH - I used to switch it every time I was in there (she likes it under) and it would miraculously go back the way it was. (i don't try it anymore - it's my grandparents place) It was funny, though, she and my Papa stopped in at my place on a few weeks ago on their drive down to FL for the winter - and the guest bedroom bathroom's tp somehow was switched to under... : )
I mentioned it to my Mom as a funny + she quipped - 'You use less'. Wow. Never thought about the function of it at all... I still like it over.
Okay - back to the up/down debate... (i like them the whole cover down)
Also - since we're on the whole bathroom topic, I think that was the hardest part about getting used to living with someone. The bathroom stuff. Really more actually using it and feeling comfortable but...
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by cmc: Also - since we're on the whole bathroom topic, I think that was the hardest part about getting used to living with someone. The bathroom stuff. Really more actually using it and feeling comfortable but...
That's a big one. When you live together, especially if you only have one bathroom, you're suddenly prone to all those things a lot of people make an attempt to hide from their sig other: namely, the pooping and associated smells & noises. Delicious! Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: As for whoever said I don't speak for all women... Well of COURSE I don't! We don't come out of a factory, each one of us identical ya know.
Pix, that was me, a woman, who said that. So yes, I know we don't come out of a factory, identical. But your words below certainly make it sound like you think you're stating universal truths for women.
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: Squick: Men expect certain things in a relationship. Women expect certain things in a relationship. This is one of the things we expect, so deal with it.
It's not a dictitorial thing. It's Important to us.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Hitoshi: So why are you made at me instead of being mad at the guys who gave your gender a bad rap?
I don't want men to be pigs, but there seems to be an element in male culture that wallows in piggishness. Yes, there are guys who seem to be immune to this, like BB, but there are plenty of guys who say "You don't get to set the rules, look before you sit, tough noogy if you fall in. You don't speak for all women, my woman likes a soggy bum."(*)
And sorry, emotions aren't rational. These kind of comments make me mad at all men except those who have been explicitly compassionate... once again, like BB.
Pix
(*) Some of this is exageration, some of this quoatation.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH: ....wouldn't it be easier to unroll if it went under the bottom? 'cause that's why I hate it that way; I end up with like thirty billion sheets of toilet paper.
-pH
I'm taking the word of several mothers of toddlers on this one. You are thinking about unrolling the toilet paper and tearing it off like a responsible adult. Toddlers just go in and spin the roll and watch it unwind. Evidently its either harder for a toddler to spin the roll upward than downwards or gravity just isn't in their favor spinning it upward but I have been assured by several mothers of toddlers that when they put the roll in under rather than over they have less problem. I've also heard the same thing from a few people with cats.
I have neither cats nor toddlers so my toilet paper is always installed over.
Posted by foundling (Member # 6348) on :
Huh. This has been an eye opening discussion. I havent had any issues of this sort with my boyfriend in the almost 4 years we've been living together. I'm thinking about it now, and I cant think of a single time where he's left the seat up. I guess I should feel spoiled or something. I dont know that it would be a huge deal if he did leave it up on a regular basis, but I do have to say that the fact that he THINKS about it, every single time he goes to the bathroom, is pretty cool. It shows me, to a certain extent, that he is thinking about my comfort and making an effort to make sure I never have a soggy bottom in the middle of the night when I'm too groggy to remember to look down. Because there are few things in this world as rage inducing as a soggy bottom in the middle of the night caused by a loved ones negligence. It might not be a reasonable rage, but ohhhhhh, it is a firey rage.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
I'm glad that I don't feel the need to be angry at all women based on the actions of a few.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by erosomniac:
quote:Originally posted by cmc: Also - since we're on the whole bathroom topic, I think that was the hardest part about getting used to living with someone. The bathroom stuff. Really more actually using it and feeling comfortable but...
That's a big one. When you live together, especially if you only have one bathroom, you're suddenly prone to all those things a lot of people make an attempt to hide from their sig other: namely, the pooping and associated smells & noises. Delicious!
See, so far he's been incredibly discreet about that stuff (and hasn't said a word about my feminine products - and he'd better continue to be quiet ). But after my surgery, he had to help me use the restroom and stuff. And that was really, REALLY embarassing. I had to have him in the same room at all times to make sure I didn't fall down and split my head open, so it wasn't even like he could just help me in there and wait outside until I was finished.
-pH
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: BB: I was actually going to make an exception for you, but you'd just made a post about peeing on walls. The exception still stands. I think you're a nice, considerate guy... I think you really care about those around you. I just didn't want to appear to endorse public urination =)
Pix
I can't help being raised in Hong Kong, public urination is allowed there within certain protocols. Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
Nice, pH! One 'obstacle' already overcome... : ) (and that really was the biggest one for me...)
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
One of my exes was...completely not subtle about that stuff. *shudder* Living with him would have been a smelly nightmare. Guys, your girlfriend doesn't want to know if you're constipated. Seriously.
-pH
Posted by Swampjedi (Member # 7374) on :
quote:Originally posted by BlackBlade:
Question, do you use the restroom with the door open or closed?
I laugh at myself over this very issue. I live alone and always close the door. I feel exposed if I don't.
Yes, I have issued. Posted by Princess Leah (Member # 6026) on :
quote:So why are you made at me instead of being mad at the guys who gave your gender a bad rap?
Gee, I *wonder* why Hitoshi is mad at you for making assumptions about him based on experiences you had with completely different people who just happend to also be men.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
I've never found the toilet seat to be a really important issue, to be honest.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Pixiest, exactly how is you using "emotions" as an excuse or saying "deal with it" better than some random jerk telling you to get over it when he doesn't put the seat down.
Seems like you are both being colossally inconsiderate. And, in truth, if you come off with a "deal with it" attitude, what exactly do you expect in return?
Speaking as a fellow human being, I would respond much more favorably to an explanation of how important something is to you (the other part of your statement) rather than the "deal with it" part of it.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH: But...yeah, how did you adjust to sharing your home? -pH
Hmmm. We didn't. We divorced within the year. Consequently, we get along much better again -- at least well enough to co-parent.
And now that I've read the rest of this fascinating thread:
1) The roll is over the top. Period. I've been drug out of bed by irate parents to switch it from under to over as a teen.
2) The roll under does indeed keep the kitties and the kids from unrolling the roll, but based on the trauma from #1, the roll is nonetheless over the top.
3) I prefer the toilet seat and lid down myself for the sanitary reasons mentioned earlier, but it would not be a deal-breaker. Tardiness on a regular basis accompanied by not calling to say "Sorry, I'm late or can't make it," is a deal breaker.Illegal drug use is a deal breaker. Battering or threatening to batter is a deal breaker. Abusing small children is a deal breaker. The toilet seat . . . not critical. Just irritating.
Carry on.
Oh! And someone wanted change for their $.10. Here's $.05 -- keep the change!
[ December 05, 2006, 11:10 PM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Tardiness on a regular basis accompanied by not calling to say "Sorry, I'm late or can't make it,"
Michael unfortunately does that a lot. He's somewhat getting better. He's trying, anyway. But....(I find it hilarious when I say this and people just frown sympathetically and give me this knowing nod), he's an engineer.
What's actually kind of creepy is that apparently, my father was the exact same way when he was dating my mother. He'd show up for their dates two hours late and not understand why she didn't still want to go out.
-pH
Posted by maui babe (Member # 1894) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit:
quote:Originally posted by pH: ....wouldn't it be easier to unroll if it went under the bottom? 'cause that's why I hate it that way; I end up with like thirty billion sheets of toilet paper.
-pH
I'm taking the word of several mothers of toddlers on this one. You are thinking about unrolling the toilet paper and tearing it off like a responsible adult. Toddlers just go in and spin the roll and watch it unwind. Evidently its either harder for a toddler to spin the roll upward than downwards or gravity just isn't in their favor spinning it upward but I have been assured by several mothers of toddlers that when they put the roll in under rather than over they have less problem. I've also heard the same thing from a few people with cats.
I have neither cats nor toddlers so my toilet paper is always installed over.
I raised six children and I've had literally dozens of cats over the last 25 years. I've never had the problem you describe and I've always had the TP over the top.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH:
quote:Tardiness on a regular basis accompanied by not calling to say "Sorry, I'm late or can't make it,"
Michael unfortunately does that a lot. He's somewhat getting better. He's trying, anyway. But....(I find it hilarious when I say this and people just frown sympathetically and give me this knowing nod), he's an engineer.
What's actually kind of creepy is that apparently, my father was the exact same way when he was dating my mother. He'd show up for their dates two hours late and not understand why she didn't still want to go out.
-pH
<-- dating a proto engineer
*knowing nod*
Mostly, he just forgets we have a date planned. He'll call me and be like, "Everyone's planning to go out to dinner." And he doesn't even remember we had planned to go out that night. I'm pretty laid back, so most of the time I don't mind, since it gives me the right to do the same thing to him. But everyone once and a while when I'm feeling really depressed and unloved it seriously sucks.
However, because of this thread we just talked about the toilet paper and toilet seat. He prefers the heretical under toilet paper unrolling method, but is willing to compromise, and he always puts the toilet seat down anyway.
So, basically, I have the awesomest boyfriend in the world, and I'm going to give him all the chocolate from the care package my mom sent me.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I am, unfortunately, not so laid-back.
Actually, I'm pretty high strung.
Actually, I'm having an anxiety attack because he's supposed to be here helping me figure out this QFD matrix, and for some reason my brain has decided that means that he's cheating on me, and I think I need some seroquel.
Must...control....fist...of....death....
-pH
Posted by Rappin' Ronnie Reagan (Member # 5626) on :
You over and under people are both wrong. The toilet paper goes on the counter next to the toilet.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
*hugs* Mostly I'm laid back because if I'm laid back, he has to be laid back too. I don't really want anyone demanding all that much of me, so I don't demand all that much of him.
I actually have this whole theory on relationships and how people should match up based on their desired level of laidbackness. I've been informed it's very boring.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by blacwolve: *hugs* Mostly I'm laid back because if I'm laid back, he has to be laid back too. I don't really want anyone demanding all that much of me, so I don't demand all that much of him.
I actually have this whole theory on relationships and how people should match up based on their desired level of laidbackness. I've been informed it's very boring.
Yeah, unfortunately I have to be with someone much more laid back than I am. 'cause otherwise we'd just be this spastic ball of anxiety colliding with another spastic ball of anxiety and the universe would implode.
-pH
Posted by Shanna (Member # 7900) on :
I'm like you pH. I couldn't imagine being with something who gets as stressed and anxious and I do. My man is a good balance for me, always very chill. Course, as often as I get stressed out, my emotions can go the other way. I'm very easily excited (almost child-like in a way) and my man has told me he really likes that in me. I think we balance each other rather well. I light a fire under him when he gets too laid-back and he calms me down when I get crazy.
Posted by Eisenoxyde (Member # 7289) on :
My jaw dropped when I read this post by The Pixiest:
Originally posted by The Pixiest:
quote:I don't want men to be pigs, but there seems to be an element in male culture that wallows in piggishness. Yes, there are guys who seem to be immune to this...
I couldn't belive the venomous biotry coming from her. If I said something like that about say, African Americans, I'd be attacked by everyone for it and rightfully so. For example:
I don't want blacks to be criminals, but there seems to be an element in black culture that wallows in criminality. Yes, there are some who seem to be immune to this...
PLEASE NOTE I DO NOT AGREE WITH THAT STATEMENT OR CONDONE ANYONE THAT DOES.
Also, your excuse about emotions not being rational does not hold any water - if it did then every racist, bogot, intolerant person would be justified in their prejudices. I'm sorry if I come across as too harsh, but I hate bigotry in any form.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
This whole thread is kind of a tribute to OCD or something.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
quote:But....(I find it hilarious when I say this and people just frown sympathetically and give me this knowing nod), he's an engineer.
As an engineer who's the son of an engineer and best friends with a half dozen engineers, I can unequivocally say that this is not true of all engineers. And I personally find excusing bad behavior because of someone's vocation distasteful. I hate tardiness, and inconsideration.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Thank you, de Spang.
My long-ago boyfriend who was either extremely tardy OR just plain didn't show up when he said he would (waltzing in several hours later) was not an engineer, he was a musician. An egocentric, inconsiderate nincompoop. The engineers I knew and hung with in college in those years were sound engineers and by golly they had schedules to keep, and they kept them. So, you can't blame the trait on being engineers nor artist types. It's just a rude habit for the most part.
RRR -- On the counter! Where it'll get knocked off into the toilet or into the sink and make a huge, soggy, unpleasant mess! Are you nuts? *gasping in dismay*
As usual, Stormy, you're right. Definitely an odd sort of tribute to known and unknown OCDs . . . the unknown now being brought to light. *grin*
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Porter comes from a family of quintessential engineers. They are all really good about being on time.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by Shan: he was a musician.
Well, THERE'S your problem.
-pH
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by Shanna: I'm like you pH. I couldn't imagine being with something who gets as stressed and anxious and I do. My man is a good balance for me, always very chill. Course, as often as I get stressed out, my emotions can go the other way. I'm very easily excited (almost child-like in a way) and my man has told me he really likes that in me. I think we balance each other rather well. I light a fire under him when he gets too laid-back and he calms me down when I get crazy.
Yes, exactly. And I get excited about things in a child-like way, too. *LOL*
Michael is just...he's a geek, and he's an engineer. In a mad scientist kind of way. He gets really really really really focused on what he's doing because he gets SO excited about it. But it's adorable.
My dad, who is always late, is an attorney.
Oh, and Michael has now said that he doesn't care who does what in the house; it's whatever I want to do. I think this is an unwise move on his part...
-pH
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:Originally posted by beverly: Porter comes from a family of quintessential engineers. They are all really good about being on time.
I wonder if we're really quintessential engineers or just borderline Asbergers, or if I am repeating myself.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
quote:Oh, and Michael has now said that he doesn't care who does what in the house; it's whatever I want to do. I think this is an unwise move on his part...
Well now, that depends. If he doesn't care that the house is so cluttered you can't walk anywhere, the sink is full of dirty dishes and everything is coated in slime, you might have a problem. Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
I am someone who is always late.
It's not that I don't try. It's not that I don't care. Honestly, I can start getting ready earlier, or get up early in the case of mornings, or do a number of things to prevent being late...
and then I will, more often than not, still be late.
As a perpetually late running person, I apologize.
As for toilet paper, RRR has it right. Nathan and I don't have a toilet paper holder, so we've got a basket full o' rolls instead.
At first, the seat up/seat down argument cropped up with us in the first few weeks. For me, it wasn't an issue of falling in (though I have fallen in before, thanks for leaving the seat up, Dad, when I was a small child) but an aesthetic one. It just looks icky with everything up. So we both close the lid.
We do get into issues with how much stuff we each have for space. Recently we re-organized the furniture in our room and ended up moving Nathan's bureau. Within moments, he was grumpy and I couldn't fathom why.
"I have less space."
"Less space for what?"
"My stuff."
"Well, I can clear out how many shelves you might need, no problem at all."
"And what would I do with those?!"
*blink* *long quiet pause*
Then he says, "Okay, okay. I wanted to keep the bigger corner for throwing my dirty laundry in a pile."
Truth can be a very strange thing.
Okay, so, I'm an artist. I have some strange way of "organizing" my stuff. This means that to anyone else, it looks disorganized. But generally, I know where stuff is (somehow, I keep this photographic mental map in my head). If it gets moved, I'm suddenly clueless and don't even know the general area of where to begin a search.
Last summer, this propensity of mine, coupled with Nathan's urge to "keep things organized" (his clutter tolerance level is lower than mine), caused a cross-state argument.
I was in Georgia (fencing summer nationals and hanging out with the Atlanta clump crew) and called him while I was at Olivet's house. Since he was living a bachelor's life for a week, I asked him what he'd been up to.
"Um, I'm reorganizing."
My heart rate begins to rise in panic. "Reorganizing what?"
"The apartment."
This is not, in of itself, a Bad Thing. I say, "Well, just... don't touch my stuff."
*long pause*
My eyes have now gotten wide. Those within close proximity of my end of the conversation are now desperately trying not to giggle (especially those who were married). I say, "You moved my stuff didn't you?"
Him. "Um... yeah."
>_<
I got home and none of my things were where I had them where I left. I couldn't find some of my things for weeks. I was Not Happy. Not exactly that he'd reorganized (which is thoughtful), but that he'd done it without me, so I had no idea where anything was anymore. Sort of like being in a stranger's house, opening a drawer expecting to find silverware, and instead hitting the junk drawer.
He was talking to his dad a day or two later and told him about the re-organization. His dad started to laugh and said to him, "Oh, you'll learn."
He also forgets that I am shorter and cannot reach as high. So he'll put stuff on top of the microwave (which is already on top of the fridge) and not have a clue as to why I'd have a problem with that. He's also played some good tricks on me. Once he opened a fridge-pack of sodas the wrong way (so that they wouldn't stop when you took one out, instead, they'd keep rolling). He happened to be in the kitchen when I grabbed a soda.
At least ten sodas rolling across the kitchen floor later, he's got tears in his eyes because he's laughing so hard.
Yeah, I was laughing too.
We do little things that annoy the crap out of the other person. Not on purpose, they're just one of those things. I seem to have an issue with clearing my plate after a meal. He tends to leave a trail of clothing whereever he goes, including shoes where I walk. I already trip for no reason, shoes just bring that tripping factor up. I leave my shoes out too, so I can't be mad at him. I just asked that he kick 'em to the side and he asked that I do the same.
He loses track of stuff easily while I can for some reason find his stuff within minutes. Honestly, he can search for something for fifteen minutes and then finally ask me where it is. I can then find said thing much faster. Last night, he couldn't find the benadryl cream. He honestly had no idea where to even start to look. I had a vague idea and found it in less than ten seconds.
But I can't complain about that because I once lost a spatula within ten seconds of taking it out of the drawer.
We found it some time later wrapped in a towel on the couch.
We still have no idea how it got there.
*shrug* So it's an adjustment, but not an impossible one by any means. People have made good points, especially about choosing your battles and compromise.
"Please kick your big honkin' shoes out of the way."
"Okay, but please clear your plate after you eat."
"Okay."
Does he always remember? No. Do I? Nope. But trying goes pretty far most times, because it shows you [i]do[/] care and you aren't just ignoring the other person's needs.
Divvying up the chores also helps, we've found. I hate cleaning the kitchen. Hate. The hatred stems from childhood instances of being dragged out of bed (Shan, I totally understand) in the middle of the night to be forced to wash the dishes you forgot to do (my mother tended bar till one or two in the morning some nights). Nathan detests cleaning the bathroom. Detests. So he cleans the kitchen, I clean the bathroom and most of the rest of the place because it gets me out of cleaning the kitchen.
It might also help to have a designated bug-killer. Nathan is the manly designated bug killer. He is especially the spider-killer because spiders scare the crap out of me. I once discovered two (large) spiders hanging out in the living room and kitchen (one for each room) right where the wall joins the ceiling. Nathan was 45 minutes away from being home and I waited, watching the spiders to see if they moved. He walks in the door saying "Hi!" and I reply with "Kill the spiders! Kill them!"
Or there was that incident where I was in the shower and there was a spider in there. O_O
He laughed at me and teased me, but did come and kill the spider after I yelped. More than once. I mean, come on, you're naked and totally defenseless in the shower. Especially when you are between the showerhead and the drain.
Then there are phones. Nathan is a "bolt-from-the-shower-to-answer-the-phone-person" while I am a "I-might-at-some-point-listen-to-the-message-and-return-the-call-person." Things like that usually have to be sorted out.
Bodily functions, as someone said, can be an issue. Nathan's really considerate about it and if he has to do something not-pretty-smelling, he'll ask if I need to use the bathroom first (because I have to pee, like, fifty times a day). He also did not hear me fart until we were married over a year. It also happened to be a fart while I was in the bathroom that was just air, but I swear to bob, it sounded like a gunshot. I jumped, totally freaked out, and Nathan, amidst a giggle fit, said, "That's my girl!"
Living with another person is strange and trying, but can be fun. Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Okay, so, I'm an artist. I have some strange way of "organizing" my stuff. This means that to anyone else, it looks disorganized. But generally, I know where stuff is (somehow, I keep this photographic mental map in my head). If it gets moved, I'm suddenly clueless and don't even know the general area of where to begin a search.
This is me. Except throw in panic attack and running amok through the house and possibly bursting into tears because where are my hair ties I can't find them how am I supposed to put my hair up?!!
Michael did reorganize the kitchen while I was recovering from the surgery of doom, but I was too stoned on painkillers to care, and he very, very carefully explained it to me after he did it. And he did it in a logical way that did not involve taking all the junk out of the front room and throwing it into my bedroom for me to sort through later like CERTAIN busybody friends of mine.
I have decreed that he must pay the Orkin man, for I cannot live with spiders and vermin, and he will not be at-hand to exterminate them in accordance with my whims.
Also, he said he would come to my new, ocd-specialist therapist with me to talk about the whole moving in thing...I'm not really sure exactly what to talk about through, since right now I mostly have vague and intense anxieties. I mean, what specifically can we talk about? She said she doesn't want him to "enable" me any more than necessary by participating in my rituals...but that might make the situation even more stressful if it starts happening RIGHT when he moves in.
-pH
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:I am someone who is always late.
It's not that I don't try. It's not that I don't care. Honestly, I can start getting ready earlier, or get up early in the case of mornings, or do a number of things to prevent being late...
and then I will, more often than not, still be late.
As a perpetually late running person, I apologize.
"Might"? Liar. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head:
quote:Originally posted by beverly: Porter comes from a family of quintessential engineers. They are all really good about being on time.
I wonder if we're really quintessential engineers or just borderline Asbergers, or if I am repeating myself.
Are you suggesting that it's tautological, or thinking you've said it before?
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
The former. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Ah, gotcha.
(BTW, "tautological" is just about my favorite word ever, so thanks for giving me a chance to use it!)
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
quote: Since I like macho but don't like insecure, I simply can't date shorter guys.
Ok, I know this is kat's quote on page three, but I think it is possible to find macho and secure, regardless of height contrasts.
If a taller macho guy would be insecure about you if he was shorter than you he's still insecure.
I would submit that macho-secure is the true rarity and height if the two were together, height might not be as much of an issue.
If you like taller for taller's sake that's one thing but I don't like inherently equating it with the emmotional security of the guy in question.
AJ
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
De nada. Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Okay.
I haven't dated many shorter guys, and it was a dreadful experience every time. I suspect my reluctance dates from those experiences.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
(...no pun intended. )
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by katharina: Okay.
I haven't dated many shorter guys, and it was a dreadful experience every time. I suspect my reluctance dates from those experiences.
I dated mostly shorter guys until I came to college...I don't think they were any more emotionally insecure than the taller ones. But then I dated this basketball player who was 6'10", and all of a sudden I thought, "So THIS is what being dainty feels like!" And from then on I was a little bit spoiled. Not enough to make me discount a guy for his height, but...I mean, that guy could rest his chin on top of my head!
-pH
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
My first and interestingly enough last missionary companion (they were the same young man) was 5'6" while I stand at about 6'5". Chinese people always said we made such a cute couple.
Tiffany barely makes it to my chin.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH: Michael is just...he's a geek, and he's an engineer. In a mad scientist kind of way. He gets really really really really focused on what he's doing because he gets SO excited about it. But it's adorable.
-pH
This sounds just like my boyfriend. And his name is Michael (Mike) too. That's just really weird.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
mack, there is some cosmic brain wavelength that we both belong to.
With Steve and I the main issue we've ever had is The Dishes. We both hated them growing up. We solved this by buying a Really Good Dishwasher, and we end up doing a lot of the loading or unloading together.
The biggest accommodation he's had to make is probably more of a sacrifice than anything I've done for him. It's with regards to spicy food and Fish. He's allowed to spice his own food but if he's cooking for both of us, the heat level of the spice has to be virtually non-existent or I can't eat it. I also get nauseous at the *smell* of cooking fish so he only cooks it rarely, normally when there is a 3rd person to cook for that likes fish. As he truly loves both spicy food *and* fish, I'm glad he loves me more and is willing to make accomodations.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
quote:Originally posted by BannaOj:
quote: Since I like macho but don't like insecure, I simply can't date shorter guys.
Ok, I know this is kat's quote on page three, but I think it is possible to find macho and secure, regardless of height contrasts.
If there weren't so many women who refuse to date shorter guys, the shorter guys wouldn't have any reason to be insecure about their height. Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Hmmm... Well there is the burning building test, which I think *may* (note the may) exist at a subconcsious level in many female minds.
"AJ's Burning Building Test" is:
Could he haul my unconscious body out of a burning building?
I do not see anything wrong with the male of the species asking a similar question of their female significant other. However the issue doesn't appear to occur in the male mind with the same frequency.
AJ
I suspect** with the male it tends to be a feeling of emotional insecurity, and with the female it has more to do with physical security
**all generalizations are sweeping and not intended to be taken personally by any individual
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I'm pretty sure I've never considered such a thing about any of the people I've dated, subconcsiously or not. The thought has never occurred to me.
Now that I AM thinking about it, however, I will point out that in that situation adrinline would probably make evaluation of that test under normal circumstances irrelevant.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
I am 100% certain my hubby could carry me out of a burning building.... he would then promptly forget where he put me.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I agree about the adreanaline making the actual happening a moot point, but the hypothetical obviously doesn't consider that logic.
Eljay, you are also an extremely self-confident woman, and don't necessarily look at a male companion as an inherently protective figure either. However I'd say overall our culture does still retain the "protective figure" stereotype pretty strongly.
(protective in this case means "protective from external danger sources)
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I dunno AJ, I just don't see it. . . from conversations with friends, I think I know more men who think being able to be a protective figure towards their girlfriends/spouses is important to themselves than women who think it is important in their men.
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
"Haul" is such a vague term. Dragging something is hauling, isn't it?
Granted, she might not appreciate the stairs (***thump!*** Ow! ***thump!*** Ow! ***thump!*** Ow!), but at least she's not on fire!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: I am 100% certain my hubby could carry me out of a burning building.... he would then promptly forget where he put me.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
My husband has actually carried me up a flight of stairs when I fainted. While I was 8 months pregnant.
He doesn't work out, so I'm going for "adrenalin is powerful stuff."
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Thanks Bob =) I was afraid that would only be funny to people who knew my hubby.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: My husband has actually carried me up a flight of stairs when I fainted. While I was 8 months pregnant.
He doesn't work out, so I'm going for "adrenalin is powerful stuff."
If it can make a mom lift up a car, I'm sure you and your unborn baby are considerably OVER covered.
Does the carrying out of a burning building include flights of stairs?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I think it would depend on the building. But in any case, I know my man is up to the task. I have also seen him jump into danger, even if it is minimal or momentary, in order to get our children out of it. This is something I like in a husband and father.
His father died saving his brother and sister, incidentally (my husband was in the other boat, and was the most seriously injured of the three kids-- punctured lung and wasn't breathing when they found him, face-down in the water.) Which is not something I wish on anyone, but I think it may be part of the reason he never hesitates to take the brunt of any physical injury instead of his children-- he had that example to live up to.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
ElJay see all my disclaimers above. I'm making sweeping generalizations so if the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it, and feel free to counter example as much as you want. I'm not going to defend it to the bitter end... it isn't worth it for a sweeping generalization. AJ
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Something that Jamie didn't mention, but should be, at least from my perspective:
Jamie loves to have space, I don't. I feel loved and show love by getting and giving attention. Jamie shows love by loyalty, and doing things for me. This has driven me insane at points. Recently, I've been unemployed, so Jamie and I were home with each other for a month. So while she was writing/chatting on IM, I would do this and that, and eventually get bored and come over and cuddle, and kiss her, and say I love you, and over all paying attention but not really doing anything.
She gets frustrated because it distracts her from working on her writing, gets her out of that zone, or train of thought. So I had to really focus on giving her space. For example, I offered to go to a movie even though I really didn't care for any of the movies out, just so she could have 3 hours to herself without me around. And in return, she cuddled with me while we watched a movie (I love cuddling, ok?!).
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I saw your disclaimers above. Obviously, neither of us has access to any sort of numbers one way or the other. I'm just letting you know that I don't think it's just me being an unusually confident woman, that your sweeping generalization doesn't work for the majority of people I feel I know well. Different people's experiences are different, and I think it's valuable to know when mine doesn't jibe well with others, and thought you would appreciate the same.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
I do expect that protective thing from my boyfriend. I think he finds it annoying more than anything, though. Luckily, he's willing to put up with it.
Posted by Shanna (Member # 7900) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH:
quote:Originally posted by Shan: he was a musician.
Well, THERE'S your problem.
-pH
Haha. Trying dating a guitar-playing chef-in-training who was a philosophy major in school. My baby is also sorts of crazy but I love him for it! I tell people he's going to be a chef and I get sad smiles and pats on the back...its hysterical.
On the protective thing...my boyfriend does it and it always makes me laugh. Just a week ago he carried me on his back out of the French Quarter because my shoes were killing me and I was threatening to walk barefoot (not a good idea!) And he's a very slender guy! He's very protective of me, especially with other guys. I always remind him I'm a capable woman who managed quite well before him, but he still worries. I don't doubt that he couldn't carry me out of a burning buildings, even with several flights of stairs.
I really relate to what T_Smith said. My boyfriend and I lived together for a few weeks while I was in summer school. We had our computers set up in the same room and I went crazy always wanting to kiss him or hug him whenever I walked by. Eventually I learned to accept our different tolerances in "me time." That and I realized that if I gave him space, he'd come to me for attention which was nice.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Hah! I'll see your penny and raise you a dollar.
I left the musician in San Francisco, only to marry a biker chef.
He wasn't any more timely.
I did date a law enforcement type for a while, and he was always either early, or on the phone to let me know he would be late, most usually before he became late. However, his work entailed lots and lots and lots of long hours, so even with the courtesy calls, I just couldn't hack the sit around and wait game.
Guess I'm hard to please . . . oh wait! That's right -- I'm easy to please. Just do it my way. That's a joke, folks . . . mostly. Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
My roommate just put on the new toilet roll unrolling from the bottom. I'm forbearing from changing it, but it's driving me crazy. But, I know now why it drives me crazy. I have to touch the roll every time I want to tear off paper. I tear off paper several times in any one bathroom adventure. It just feels really gross to be touching the paper that someone is going to use in order to tear it off.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Just switch it to the way you want it. He'll never notice . . .
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
quote: Tardiness on a regular basis accompanied by not calling to say "Sorry, I'm late or can't make it," ________________________________________ Michael unfortunately does that a lot. He's somewhat getting better. He's trying, anyway.
sounds just like my boyfriend also called Michael. pH, blacwolve, seems this Michael chap gets around a bit eh?
As to the toilet, I could not remember whether Michael leaves the seat up or not and had to ask. He said he usually puts it down when he remembers. Clearly not a deal breaker...
I also cannot remember whether I prefer the toilet paper a different way. I can't even remember which way it usually is. *checks* The hanging down bit is closest to the wall.
Incidentally, I like tall boys. I am kinda average height (5'7-8ish) but I like to feel tall, and I like boys to be taller. It's just right. Also I agree with the burning building or similar test. Probably subconscious but still there I think.
pH do you think you're asking too much of your boyfriend? He sounds like an angel but try not to expect him to be superman
Edit: oh yah, the main thing I had to do to adjust when moving in together was remember to relax. And not expect him to jump up and start helping me clean the house right away if I start cleaning when he's playing computer games.
Things like grocery shopping, cleaning, dishes, making bed, etc we do together or take turns. I do more cooking but I don't mind cos I like to + whoever cooks usually does not have to help with dishes. I prefer to cook than wash up.
He mows the lawns (although I wouldn't mind to but he likes to do it) and I do the laundry as we agreed that's for the best (I like the laundry sorted so they don't go fluffy etc etc also I remember to do it regularly which he probably would not. I do not like the thing I want to wear being in the laundry basket! Incidentally he used to throw all his clothes in a heap on the floor in his bedroom at his old place before we lived together; when we were shopping for items for the place we moved into he saw a laundry hamper he really liked & so we bought it - he now puts the laundry in it and not on floor.)
We've had some fights & sorted it out mostly but you do need to communicate & compromise. Damn what's that other C? I used to know but have forgotten apparently some time ago
I am not going to write Michael's suggestions for what the other C might be ...
[ December 07, 2006, 03:19 AM: Message edited by: tt&t ]
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:pH do you think you're asking too much of your boyfriend? He sounds like an angel but try not to expect him to be superman
Hah! We had this long conversation last night where we discovered that apparently, we are each convinced the other is far too good for us. I do ask a lot, but that's kind of par for the course for being in an Actual Relationship(tm) with me. I ask a lot of myself, as well.
quote:On the protective thing...my boyfriend does it and it always makes me laugh. Just a week ago he carried me on his back out of the French Quarter because my shoes were killing me and I was threatening to walk barefoot (not a good idea!)
Is your boyfriend's name Brent, and does he often dress like a pirate and strikingly resemble Johnny Depp? I met a bunch of guys dressed like pirates in the 1/4 a couple years ago, and they carried me around when my shoes started hurting my feet, too!
I enjoy the protective thing...as long as it's protective and not possessive. I think a lot of people confuse the two.
-pH
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
commitment.
now how did I get forget that one?
oops.
___
Yep protective not possessive is good Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
On the toilet seat note: I explained my phobia of spraying toilet germs to my husband once, reminded him two or three times, and ever since he has not had a problem putting both the seat AND the lid down. And I started when we were dating, so that solved that problem.
As for toilet paper, we have a cat that is a paper destroyer, and two kids. We keep the tp in a closed cabinet next to the toilet so we don't have to re-buy it three times a week.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by MightyCow: If there weren't so many women who refuse to date shorter guys, the shorter guys wouldn't have any reason to be insecure about their height.
It's a nice theory. But while I am fine with a guy who is my height or several inches shorter, very few seem to be ok with me being taller than them. *shrug*
And, OMG. Kylie is ALIVE! Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
well I knew that all along Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Yes, but we didn't!
I mean, there were rumors. The occasional lj sighting. But now we have like, proof and stuff! Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I feel kind of weird bumping two of my own threads, but um...how do you dog-proof a house? My boyfriend has a yellow lab, and while he said she's actually really good at living in an apartment...I don't want any of my things destroyed, either. And what are the chances that I'm going to get totally annoyed at having another animal AND a guy around?
-pH
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Very, very high.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
Okay, at first I read that as
Me: How do I dog proof a house? ElJay: Very, very high.
-pH
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
That works, too. Put everything you don't want chewed very, very high. Higher than you think you need to, really. Particularly for a lab.
Posted by Kasie H (Member # 2120) on :
Also, make sure any book cases are very sturdy. If you have one that rocks back and forth, don't put breakable stuff on it, *especially* up high. If the dog jumps up on it he'll send everything crashing down.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I tried to read the whole thread, I really tried. Here are my thoughts on toilet seats.
Anyone who lives in a house with men, myself included, will know when they go to clean the toilet that the ledge under the seat is absolutely disgusting. This is the reason why men should lower the seat after they do their business. No one else, man or woman, wants to see your dried spashes of urine there.
If someone is visiting your house casually, so you haven't cleaned the bathroom, you should have a presentable bathroom. This means that you have a clean towel, a clean sink, a dry floor and the toilet seat down because dried yellow urine blotches is GROSS.
Not being gross is a prerequisite to living with anyone, man or woman. Therefore, you should always lower the toilet seat. It's not a sexist thing, it's a civilization millisecond of your life.
The lid depends on the quality of your toilet. Some toilets look just fine. Others are old where the water has been sitting for 25 year day in day out. In that case, it is pleasant to close the lid.
Toilet paper:
Change it. I don't care whether it is under or over. I don't care! As long as the person who finishes the roll changes it. Most people will get a new roll out but will not take the fifteen seconds to take the old cardboard tube off and put the new roll they're already using on. Fifteen seconds. They make these things easy on purpose.
Living Together:
Talk to each other. Chances are, the other person won't mind about the thing you're anal about and vice versa.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote: If someone is visiting your house casually, so you haven't cleaned the bathroom, you should have a presentable bathroom. This means that you have a clean towel, a clean sink, a dry floor and the toilet seat down because dried yellow urine blotches is GROSS.
Or you could clean your toilet often enough that you don't have dried yellow urine blotches on it for substantial periods of time. Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Yes. I was using hyperbole. But you're not going to clean your toilet every day, are you? (Unless you're a masochist.) The point is, that it's cleaner with the the seat down as the default position.
Toilets are designed so they look best with the seat down for this very reason. In a photograph selling it, or even it just being in the background, the toilet seat is always going to be down, because that is how the toilet is designed from an aesthetic point of view.
And it takes about a second. If you really want to save time you can flush with your left hand and drop the seat with your right at the same time.
I really think this is a foolish argument that has somehow gained ground by being linked to some kind of unreasonable demand by nazi women.
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
My ex-girlfriend is fostering greyhounds. She's invested in a couple of pressure-mounted child/pet gates to keep the animals out of areas with breakable things. I don't know how big an area you're dealing with, but you can get such gates for around $20.
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![[The Wave]](graemlins/thewave.gif)
![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)