I was going to make a comment on a seperate discussion, but found the topic to be too related to others. The question is if we are the same people online as we are in real life?
Someone said they don't act the same online as they do real life. The idea was that the "real person" is not the online person.
I would like to say that I disagree with this. I think that the online person is more real than the real person. Even if they are lying, I think that says more about the real person than if they weren't to lie in the real world. We say and do things online that we wouldn't do in real llife, but not because we are putting up a front. Rather, we have very few reasons to put up a front and let our inner selves loose. I am more real here, even if I don't talk or act the same in the real world, because I can be myself without as many social worries. That, I believe, is the same for most people who communicate via Internet.
Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
I would say that I am more "filtered" online than in real life. The time it takes to post will sometimes temper my snarkiness and impatience.
Posted by Mucus (Member # 9735) on :
The Penny Arcade strip comes to mind...
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
I'm shy and reclusive in real life. Especially if I don't know you.
I'm also less likely to argue in real life.
I am boring and dull.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
I'm WYSIWYG.
FG
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
I am much less likely to lick someone in real life.
Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
quote:Originally posted by Storm Saxon: I am much less likely to lick someone in real life.
Whereas, I am more likely. Beware.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Hey, I've heard about you! You hide under cars in super market parking lots, lying in wait for unsuspecting shoppers in open toed sandals, don't you? You're awesome!
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I'm the same.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
I bite.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I don't really have an online personae. I am online more or less exactly as I am in real life.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
The mask allows me to take more risks. Especially since I don't use my real name.
Since I like to be funny, if a joke falls flat (as they sooo often do) it's just that Pixiest person who's an idiot and not Me.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
That just seems so alien to me, Pix. I mean, whether people know your name or not, it's still you making the joke, right?
Posted by Lisa (Member # 8384) on :
quote:Originally posted by kmbboots: I would say that I am more "filtered" online than in real life. The time it takes to post will sometimes temper my snarkiness and impatience.
I'm just the opposite. I read body language; it's a major part of communication with me. Take that away, and I don't get the subtle vibes that let me know when to push and when to stop. And I don't react well to being told when to push and when to stop straight out. It makes my online persona a bit harsher than I am in real life. And by "a bit", I mean "a whole lot".
Of course, you should have seen me 10 years ago. I'm downright cuddly now by comparison, even online.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by kmbboots:
quote:Originally posted by Storm Saxon: I am much less likely to lick someone in real life.
Whereas, I am more likely. Beware.
"Oh, no!"
I'm much the same online as I am in real life: very different, depending on my audience.
Posted by Occasional (Member # 5860) on :
Although if you got me on the right topic and made me feel comfortable I might sound like I do online, it would be rare. Here I can say what I like and tell it the way I see it how I want to say it. In other words, I am much more forceful and argumentative than in real life. Mostly that is because if I said some of the things the way I do here I would probably get into trouble. What I say online, however, is how I really think and feel.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
I sound smarter, as I have more time to write out my ideas. Not that I can't talk and use all the words I employ while posting, but I just feel like I sound better on a forum then when I speak.
My personality is more or less the same however.
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
I'm taller in real life.
Posted by camus (Member # 8052) on :
quote:The question is if we are the same people online as we are in real life?
Yes and no. The internet may allow people more freedom to express their true selves in a way that real life does not. At the same time, the internet also allows people to try out different personalities without really having to worry about any long term consequences, so people can be more free to act differently than they might normally act.
Personally, with myself the answer is a little of both. I express myself differently online than in real life. Not necessarily because I'm a different person, but because I just display different aspects of myself because of the differences in environment.
Neither my online nor my real life personality, when taken independently, is a true picture of my real self. The combination of the two is probably a closer picture of who I am.
Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
When I have to slow down or go to the effort of posting, I will sometimes think twice and refrain from saying or doing something. In person, I will often act or react without thinking twice.
And Noemon is the same but even more awesome in person.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I'm me. I am probably equally crazy online and in person (although maybe in different ways.)
Posted by Luet13 (Member # 9274) on :
I am the same here as in real life. I'm shy, and tend to avoid confrontation. Also I try to avoid topics that are too heated because I feel that I can't articulate myself well. Unfortunately that means I stay away from threads where I have strong opinions, because I know that I won't be able to spar well. (Or I'm too late, and a conversation has gone on for pages and I figure, what's the point?)
Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :
I don't accept the idea that there is one way I act in real life and one way I act online. I act incredibly differently in different situations. I act very differently on IM than I do on Hatrack. I see my IM conversations more analogous to a private conversation with someone. I see Hatrack as being in a very large group of people with lots of conversations going on. On Hatrack, I tend to not say much. This is exactly how I act in a large group.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
quote:I am much more forceful and argumentative than in real life. Mostly that is because if I said some of the things the way I do here I would probably get into trouble.
Out of curiosity, what kind of trouble?
I figure the social pressures that keep us "in line" IRL work for online communities to some extent when you feel a part of that community. You don't want to behave in ways that will cut you off from it, and you want to keep the community healthy and running well.
But when people feel no sense of community, I agree, people are a lot more willing to say things that would "get them into trouble" because there is little, if anything, to lose.
I seem incapable of forgetting that there is a real, live human being behind every poster.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:Originally posted by kmbboots: And Noemon is the same but even more awesome in person.
Posted by Occasional (Member # 5860) on :
"Out of curiosity, what kind of trouble?"
I would probably get punched or lose - I wouldn't say friendships - social stability. Basically, I would be a troublemaker. I opened up my thoughts once in school the way I did here and was slammed by a teacher that didn't appriciate my ideas. And, no, it had nothing to do with grades so it wasn't about academics. I learned to "toe the line" so I can continue on the edge of society as I always have.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
noemon: It lets me be less shy. It's a good thing.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
In person, because I have less opportunity to filter what I say, I tend to go more often for the easier joke. That's about the only difference, though.
Posted by ricree101 (Member # 7749) on :
I do act a bit differently online, but that is mostly because I am able to take a bit more time in making posts, whereas I have to be a lot more spontaneous when talking. Mostly, I'd say that I prefer having conversations in person, but there is definitely something nice about being able to express more complex ideas in a setting like this.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: noemon: It lets me be less shy. It's a good thing.
That's really interesting. Cool that it works for you. Do you find any of your online personae bleeding into your real life identity? Are you any less shy as a result of having had positive results from not being shy here?
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
noemon: actually, yeah. I'm not nearly as shy as I used to be. It's still pretty painful but I can function in my business life (which revolves around helping people) and can actually be reasonably pixiish with them.
Until, of course, they invite me to a party or something when I clam up and freeze over with a terrified look on my face.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
I'm pretty me, full time. The only difference in my expression is when I filter what I say for the audience, but that happens offline as well as on.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I do not see myself as being different, but from what I've heard back from others, I may come off as softer and much calmer in person. This tells me something about how I come across online. Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by Chris Bridges: I'm pretty me, full time.
I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty ...
(Edited for the funny)
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: noemon: actually, yeah. I'm not nearly as shy as I used to be. It's still pretty painful but I can function in my business life (which revolves around helping people) and can actually be reasonably pixiish with them.
Until, of course, they invite me to a party or something when I clam up and freeze over with a terrified look on my face.
That's really cool that it's helped to that degree. Have you ever been to any of the forum gatherings? If so did you feel more at ease at them than you would with a group of people you knew in real life?
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
I'm shy in real life. You can decide for yourself if that's different than I am online.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
"Tante Shvester" is a pretty genuine approximation of "Esther". I don't pretend to be something I'm not, but here, as in real life, I rarely show all my cards.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Dag, I wouldn't have ever pinned you as shy, so I'm going with different.
I am a chameleon and can act very differently in person depending on my mood, mindset, and who I'm with. I think I am actually more consistent online than in real life.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
And allow me to add that I found this juxtaposition to be hysterical:
quote:Originally posted by Storm Saxon: Hey, I've heard about you! You hide under cars in super market parking lots, lying in wait for unsuspecting shoppers in open toed sandals, don't you? You're awesome!
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: I'm the same.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dagonee: I'm shy in real life. You can decide for yourself if that's different than I am online.
Depends on what you mean by "shy."
I definitely see you as someone who, consciously or otherwise, hesitates and considers what he is going to say. In real life, that could easily be interpretted as shyness. On this forum, it strikes me more as wisdom: if you recall from the beginning of Speaker for the Dead, Pipo attributes a quality to Libo that I think you exemplify. I don't have the book in front of me and can't remember it verbatim, but it was something along the lines of: 'Libo hesitated, and Pipo knew he was carefully considering his answer. He wasn't looking for the answer that would provoke ire or the answer that would please, the two responses children delighted in, but for the answer that was honest/true.'
Anyway, yeah.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Noemon: I've never been to a hatrack gathering.
But I have met plenty of people from on line and I find I'm (usually) instantly at ease with them. If they know me from on line, they've seen me at my angriest, playfullest and everything in between and they still like me. So the fear is gone.
I met my husband on line and a large percentage of my significant others (of either sex) previous to that.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I really don't know if I come across the same online as I do in person. Of course, I also don't think that the way I probably come across in person is consistent with how I actually am.
-pH
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by erosomniac: On this forum, it strikes me more as wisdom: if you recall from the beginning of Speaker for the Dead, Pipo attributes a quality to Libo that I think you exemplify. I don't have the book in front of me and can't remember it verbatim, but it was something along the lines of: 'Libo hesitated, and Pipo knew he was carefully considering his answer. He wasn't looking for the answer that would provoke ire or the answer that would please, the two responses children delighted in, but for the answer that was honest/true.'
That is a magnificent compliment.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Yes, it really is.
Thank you, erosomniac.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
You're welcome.
So, uh...hey, shot in the dark, what're you doing Saturday night?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I'm much nicer in person.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote: I would say that I am more "filtered" online than in real life. The time it takes to post will sometimes temper my snarkiness and impatience.
Same here.
quote:When I have to slow down or go to the effort of posting, I will sometimes think twice and refrain from saying or doing something. In person, I will often act or react without thinking twice.
Ditto, again.
quote:And Noemon is the same but even more awesome in person.
True!
quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: I'm me. I am probably equally crazy online and in person (although maybe in different ways.)
That's an accurate assessment.
quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese: I do not see myself as being different, but from what I've heard back from others, I may come off as softer and much calmer in person. This tells me something about how I come across online.
Huh. I have not yet had the opportunity to meet you in person, but you come across pretty soft and calm to me!
quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese:
quote:Originally posted by erosomniac: On this forum, it strikes me more as wisdom: if you recall from the beginning of Speaker for the Dead, Pipo attributes a quality to Libo that I think you exemplify. I don't have the book in front of me and can't remember it verbatim, but it was something along the lines of: 'Libo hesitated, and Pipo knew he was carefully considering his answer. He wasn't looking for the answer that would provoke ire or the answer that would please, the two responses children delighted in, but for the answer that was honest/true.'
That is a magnificent compliment.
And an accurate one.
Not that I know what Dags is actually like in person. *sniffle*
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
I'm much less likely to engage in long, essentially pointless arguments in a situation where I can't turn off a screen and not have to see them any more.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Heh. I come here to argue with y'all 'cuz my RL friends get tired of debating me. Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
I rarely get to hash people very satisfyingly in real life, because interpersonal communication is incredibly more tactful and considerate than what you can cherrypick on the anonymous internets.
And that's what I do on hatrack! Cherrypick and hash. And I have no idea what it seems like without amicable context. But I assume I sound energetic. And I was similarly energetic in real life but am somewhat less so now on account of me living on the road and visiting my dying relatives. It's kick-started some glum introspection and now there's a big old rift between e-me and me.
Posted by Libbie (Member # 9529) on :
Depends on where I am online. Some places, I'm just like my "real" self, and others, not at all.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
quote:Originally posted by Occasional:
I would like to say that I disagree with this. I think that the online person is more real than the real person. Even if they are lying, I think that says more about the real person than if they weren't to lie in the real world. We say and do things online that we wouldn't do in real llife, but not because we are putting up a front. Rather, we have very few reasons to put up a front and let our inner selves loose. I am more real here, even if I don't talk or act the same in the real world, because I can be myself without as many social worries. That, I believe, is the same for most people who communicate via Internet.
Really? I feel more socially restricted at Hatrack than in my real life. Mainly because I'm online, my handle can be traced back to my real name (not too paranoid about that, but it's a concern in the back of my mind), and because I strongly disagree with the opinions of many Hatrackers on topics that are important to me. Not that this is a bad thing - it tends to make this forum a great place for rich, meaningful discussions and debates - but I do have to double-check what I say.
Also, since I've committed myself to staying here for a while and would like to be a part of this community, I want to earn and keep the respect of other Hatrackers. When I can't read their emotions through body language and tone of voice, it's hard to tell if I'm doing that. I'm very opinionated and assertive IRL. So posting here is an exercise in conducting a debate with someone I violently disagree with, while avoiding a flame war or unnecessary hurt feelings.
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
quote:Originally posted by rivka: Not that I know what Dags is actually like in person. *sniffle*
"Shy" was not the first word that came to mind. Nor the 50th.
Rob and Eve were about the best dinner hosts I have ever had the honor from...
The word that comes to mind for that dinner is "elegant". Not in the colloquial sense of "formal" but in the mathematical sense of "beautiful in its simplicity." No attempts to impress, just simple honest fellowship among friends and (if I may so elevate myself) peers. I only wish I had had more time with them. I shall make some in the not too distant future.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
I'm equally socially inept both IRL and online. Posted by dean (Member # 167) on :
I'm more or less the same, but more articulate online where I can type what I have to say and people can't interrupt me in the middle.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I am the same in real life. I am very adaptable to the person I am with, I try to make people feel comfortable, I am a smart-a**, I enjoy a good discussion, but not a confrontational one, and when I reach a certain emotional point I sort of snap, blabber, and eventually sob.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
I'm exactly the same, I think. I feel that interactions online are just the same as in real life, too, and I never feel like internet friends are any different than real life friends, or that internet relationships are different from real life relationships, other than the necessity of long periods physically apart, of course.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
I'm sure I would feel differently if I met a group of Hatrackers in the flesh.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
IRL, I actually stab people.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
I've found that often times, people who online make my blood boil are actually quite nice to be around in person. On the other hand, I have also met people who were very entertaining online, but are boring, annoying, and tiresome in person.
I would guess that everyone behaves somewhat differently online than in person. At least, everyone I know does, to some extent.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
I'll say quite honestly that you'll actually get closer to the real me online than you will IRL. I edit myself severely in face-to-face conversations, mainly to keep myself more in the bounds of what I will call The Traditional Male Code. For me, the 'distance' that the net affords is a blessing.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
Everything that I am on Hatrack I am in real life, just in different ratios. I don't know how I'm viewed by others, but I FEEL a lot more serious on here than I am in real life. IRL, I'm far more easy going and funny.
Here I feel like I'm 90/10 in my serious debate/funny jokester ratio. Off of here, it's more like 25/75 back the other way.
Also I'm a BIT shy around people I don't know, but mostly I'm just waiting for the right moment to jump into the conversation, provided they aren't discussing college sports or football.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
Although I'm generally the same, I feel like I'm generally nicer and friendlier offline. I'm quicker to write people off online because it's easy. I can ignore people on forums by skipping over their posts. In real life, if someone's talking to me, I have to find a way to deal with irritations. This usually means taking the time to find a way to get along regardless of differences.
Even though I smile a lot in real life, I think most of my posts come off as rather cold. I may be saying the same things, but it's lighter in real life.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
I think I'm basically the same, but I may be too close to the subject to see clearly. Those of you who've met me in person may have a better grasp. Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:"Shy" was not the first word that came to mind. Nor the 50th.
Well, I'm not shy with my friends.
quote:The word that comes to mind for that dinner is "elegant". Not in the colloquial sense of "formal" but in the mathematical sense of "beautiful in its simplicity." No attempts to impress, just simple honest fellowship among friends and (if I may so elevate myself) peers. I only wish I had had more time with them. I shall make some in the not too distant future.
I think you underestimate how much of that is due to the quality of the guest.
Posted by Redskullvw (Member # 1549) on :
It is funny but I think that what you see of me here and on Ornery is who I really am. I tend to just "listen" on Hatrack because much of the discussion tends towards pop culture, or issues that I simply don't follow very closely like movies or current music. In real life if you start talking about this type of stuff, my eyes glaze over and it becomes obvious pretty quickly that I really am not listening too well. I simply don't care about Brittany Spears or whatever happens to be the latest cover-page of People magazine. Mostly however, it is just that I know so little about popular culture that I essentially have nothing to say. People ask who is your favorite actress and I am thinking Greta Garbo or Vivian Lee or some long gone actress instead of the latest starlet that played the blonde bimbo in the latest Hollywood movie. I constantly need to be reminded by my wife who is who in the latest shocking celebrity scandal.
I also tend not to engage much in a large group in real life. I have a huge problem keeping names matched with faces, so often times I need to meet someone several times before it becomes permanently ingrained. Needless to say that is a really embarrassing problem in real life. On Hatrack no one realizes that I even have such a problem. I'm not timid or afraid of large groups of people, it is just that I seldom have anything to say which would be of much interests to anyone else. Unless of course you happen to hit subjects I do know something about.
Bring up Anthropology, history, football, Formula One, or politics and you will wish you hadn't because I'll talk your ear off. But in real life, aside from football, not many people willingly talk about history, anthropology, or even know about Formula One. And politics is simply not polite conversation at a cocktail party.
I think who I am on Hatrack, in real life, and on Ornery are the same person. It hasn't been a deliberate decision to make it that way, but that is how it turned out. In fact in real life, my nickname really was/is Redskull.
Back to lurker mode.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I'm the same in real life as I am online. Very random. Only I am quieter in real life, it takes me a long time to open up, but when I do I will rant and rave about Dir en grey until your ears fall off in a loud happy voice.
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
thank you, Dag. I especially needed that today... right about now, actually.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Euripides: I'm sure I would feel differently if I met a group of Hatrackers in the flesh.
Rest assured that if we ever DO meet, I'll be keeping my clothing on.
Posted by Euripides (Member # 9315) on :
Oh man, for a moment there I thought I had mis-posted that in the Miss Nevada thread.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
I think I'm pretty much the same online, but then, I mostly just post at Hatrack-related forums, and I don't feel like I am anonymous in those contexts. A lot of people know my real name--particularly people with joined-dates close to mine--and many details about my life, and I have met many Hatrackers in person. And yet, I feel like I was nicer when I started out at Hatrack. I don't think it's an online/real-life thing, but just a matter of being extra polite when I feel like an outsider, which is a normal tendency of mine anyway.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I didn't know you when you started out on the 'rack, but you seem plenty nice to me, Icky.
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
I agree with you, Ic. I am not as nice of a poster as I used to be. I was just noticing that after I made a not-so-nice one on the other river just a while ago. Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Thanks, Tante. I was a sweeter, gentler Icky back in the day . . .
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
You know, I think that that's actually true for a lot of us, Ic.
Posted by Danzig (Member # 4704) on :
I used to be nicer in real life. Now I am at least as pleasant online, and trying to be more so, whereas I have given up any attempt to be nice to people in real life. Working in a restaurant for too long tends to make you hate people. Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by Noemon: You know, I think that that's actually true for a lot of us, Ic.
Me, too.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Me three!
Posted by Irami Osei-Frimpong (Member # 2229) on :
quote:And Noemon is the same but even more awesome in person.
I think that's just about the nicest thing anyone can say.
______
I'm the same. I'm smiley, and I have a loose sense of body language that tends to goofy, which portrays a bit of diffidence, or at least takes the edge off of my convictions, but that's just veneer, I'm the same, except with more hair.
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
well, since i play an MMO, and have quite a few forums i go to i tend to agree with people being different online. I wouldnt think of it necisarily a different personality, just a certain side of me comes out easier online than in real life.
I am much more subdued on the computer and a lot less vulger and more watchful of what i say.
Posted by fiddle_stix (Member # 9941) on :
quote:I am much more subdued on the computer and a lot less vulger and more watchful of what i say.
puhlease Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
maybe not talking on IM's but i was moreso talking about forums. Im's are just like having a conversation on the phone or something... im perfectly normal there.
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
The real life me doesn't lurk nearly as much as the online me.
Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
I smile so much that when I don't smile, people ask me what's wrong. As a result people form opinions about me very quickly, and they're usually quite wrong. This is not to say that I am not the smiley person I appear to be, but that people who don't like being friends with Sir SmilesAlot, still end up being friends with me later on when they get to know my dark shadowy interior.
You can tell more about someone by the way other people act around him.
People who are younger than me show me more respect than I deserve. People who are older than me treat me with wariness because I am so comfortable speaking to new people; they often wonder if I have met them before. People my own age at first believe that I am older, then believe that I am smarter, then either get to know me, or mantain these illusions.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)