My wife proclaimed this year the year of the Snowman. She made dozens to give out to people, and has recieved approximately 45 cute, useless, seasonal snowman.
And why not. Snowmen reflect the season--cold and snowy. They are rememberences of childhood. They are usually pleasant (with certain Calvin & Hobbes inspired exceptions). They are free from any religious inspiration, and unlike Santa--free from any capitalist inspiration.
They aren't too bad, a non-Christian, non-denominational sign of the "holiday" season.
At least they are not part of the Polar Bear conspiracy.
I just recieved a New Years e-card wishing me the best of things for the new year. Each "thing" was represented by a cute polar bear in some cute position.
Polar Bears maul people. They are not cute and cuddly innocent giant stuffed love bundles. Their cuteness is a plot, a consipiracy to get misinformed people to be distracted by the cute and allow the bear to get within mauling distance.
I can prove its a conspiracy. They are on "Lost".
All that Polar Bears do is eat fish, drink Coca-Cola, maul people and the occasional baby seal. That's it. Well, unless they can get their hands on a penquin. What a Polar Bear, hopped up on Coke, does to a penguin just isn't pretty.
To a Polar Bear, Happy Feet is a fast food advert.
So the next time someone gives you a Polar Bear season card, picture, or gift, realize that they really are wishing you would be mauled by a Polar Bear in the coming year.
Yeah, that's not the Christmas Spirit now, is it?
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
"[I]n 2000, art historian Dr Tricia Cusack launched an attack on the snowman.
She said the figure was not so much a source of innocent fun for children as a degrading symbol of racist and sexist bigotry.
Dr Cusack branded the snowman a phallic symbol, which helped condemn women to a second-class status in society and threatened minorities.
"The British snowman is generally taken to be as innocent as Donald Duck," Dr Cusack argued in a 15-page paper on the representation of snowmen in Christmas cards.
"Some members of cultural minorities in Britain find the central power relationship of Christmas threatening, not to speak of its whiteness -- a white Christ, a white snowman."
She did not suggest how the snowman could be altered to reflect non-white people."
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Will not make Sexist Snow-Ball comment.
Will not.
Will not.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
We saw the most remarkable Snowwoman on our time away in the mountains. Quite the fertility goddess. No arms, though.
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
oooohhh....snowy Venus de Milo....
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I was thinking of more of a snowy Venus of Willendorf. Which of course made me think of an early Something Positive (warning--I suppose that the link is potentially offensive).
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by Noemon: I was thinking of more of a snowy Venus of Willendorf.
Exactly! [With nipples.]
But I have seen a snowy Venus de Milo, and that was indeed lovely.
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
Yes, but I was going for the Simpsons reference, and they haven't done Willendorf.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Kids, never ever ever try to ride a polar bear. They try to make you think differently, but the girl in that picture is about 3 secounds away from a grevious mauling.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Dan, do you still have a copy of your Frosty the Snowman parody from a few years back? It remains my favorite of the things you've written.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Kids, never ever ever try to ride a polar bear. They try to make you think differently, but the girl in that picture is about 3 secounds away from a grevious mauling.
Well, if Iorek Byrnison consents to be ridden you're probably safe, but otherwise...yeah, what Squicky said.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese: We saw the most remarkable Snowwoman on our time away in the mountains. Quite the fertility goddess. No arms, though.
quote:Well, if Iorek Byrnison consents to be ridden you're probably safe
That's what the pro-polar bear, children-hating Liberal media wants you to think. In reality, this whole "consent to be ridden" business is something the bears came up with to get the tender morsels to come to them. Oh, they'll let you ride all right. It's just that the ride lasts just as long as it takes for them to get out of sight of other potential snacks. Then it's a quick off the back and down the gullet and a woeful tale about how you were carried off by raiders or walked through a dust rip in the sky.
Posted by DaisyMae (Member # 9722) on :
Not only are snowmen racist and sexist, but an INSULT to thin people everywhere.
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
And, they are generally completely and unashamedly naked.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:Originally posted by MrSquicky:
quote:Well, if Iorek Byrnison consents to be ridden you're probably safe
That's what the pro-polar bear, children-hating Liberal media wants you to think. In reality, this whole "consent to be ridden" business is something the bears came up with to get the tender morsels to come to them. Oh, they'll let you ride all right. It's just that the ride lasts just as long as it takes for them to get out of sight of other potential snacks. Then it's a quick off the back and down the gullet and a woeful tale about how you were carried off by raiders or walked through a dust rip in the sky.
Squick's right. I'd forgotten, but I read something about this on WorldNetDaily, so I know it's true.
Posted by Avatar300 (Member # 5108) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dan_raven: Will not make Sexist Snow-Ball comment.
Will not.
Will not.
Oh, come on. You know you want to.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I just get annoyed when I see polar bears and penguins together. Not accurate!
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
quote:- Look. He put a unicorn in space. What is there for it to breathe in space? - Air. - There's no air in space! - There's an Air and Space Museum.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
"If you're wondering how he eats and breathes, and other science facts just repeat to yourself It's just a show, I should really just relax"
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:I just get annoyed when I see polar bears and penguins together. Not accurate!
That annoys me, too.
I'm not sure why, since the Beach Boys music, opening of coke bottles without opposable thumbs, and the bears not eating the penguins don't bother me at all.
When the Coke ad came on in the movie theater, I said, in a fair imitation of the lead penguin mafioso in Madagascar, "Get him, boys" when the baby polar bear slid into the middle of the party.
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
Of course, everyone knows that the penguins are biding their time until their plans come to fruition, when we'll be faced with Penguin Death From Above!!!
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
"I just get annoyed when I see polar bears and penguins together. Not accurate!"
On the contrary, polar bears are just hard to spot.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
quote:Dan, do you still have a copy of your Frosty the Snowman parody from a few years back? It remains my favorite of the things you've written.
I have totally forgotten all about that. Now I'm going to spend the weekend searching every old disk, backup, and the Hatrack Search function trying to find it again.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Hmmm, what would you say about the people on the street near my mom's who have plastic lit-up polar bear and snowman nativity scenes on their lawn? (Yes, one of each.)
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
quote:On the contrary, polar bears are just hard to spot.
Hee!
More evidence against snowmen:
quote:Sauron the Big Eye (Frosty the Snowman) - Chorus
Sauron the Big Eye Is a jolly nasty soul With a mount called Doom and a golden ring And a penchant for control.
Sauron the Big Eye Has a spotlight eye they say We’ll just kill his mouth and distract his gaze Just to make him look away.
Sam and Frodo reach the hill And Frodo is worn out. Sam can never take the ring. But he carries his friend about.
Oh Sauron the Big Eye Watched the fight outside his doors While the hobbits made their way inside To bring an end to all the wars.
Sauron the Big Eye Only found this out too late Frodo nearly turned out evil too But Gollum his finger ate.
The ring it melted back into The red volcanic fire And Sam and Frodo did escape And they talked about the Shire
Oh, Sauron the Big Eye Was exploded into dust And we saw the orcs fall in a crack. And the evil tower combust.
Crumbly crump crump crumbly crump crump Look at Sauron go Crumbly crump crump Crumbly crump crump Good case of quid pro quo
YEAH!
Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dagonee:
quote:I just get annoyed when I see polar bears and penguins together. Not accurate!
That annoys me, too.
I'm not sure why, since the Beach Boys music, opening of coke bottles without opposable thumbs, and the bears not eating the penguins don't bother me at all.
I have opposable thumbs, and I still have trouble with the old fashioned coke bottle set-up. Once I was trying to open a bottle and I broke a bottle opener off the wall of a friend's apartment. Then someone handed me a keychain bottle opener and I broke it in my hand trying to open the bottle. Then I gave up.
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
quote:Originally posted by aspectre: "I just get annoyed when I see polar bears and penguins together. Not accurate!"
On the contrary, polar bears are just hard to spot.
Ah, The Far Side. What a great way to pass a cold, rainy winter day.
I would love to see that as a zoo exhibit. Children should learn what "Nature, red in tooth and claw" means, even if it means putting animals together who would never be together in the wild.
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)