I hate dust. Dust is terrible. Dust is probably also an animated villain and silent killer in one of Stephen King's 4,501 machine-processed formula horror novels, but that's not why I hate dust.
I hate dust because it collects on all surfaces and inexorably worms its way into everything I hold dear. I am not a person who is terribly concerned about a perfect household interior. I am not tasked with an insurmountable load of interior cleaning maintenance, either, thanks to the wonderful perks of bourgeoisie decadence like 'maids.' I occasionally self-loathe for having maids, but that's not the point, nor do I take that self-loathing out on dust. Dust deserves my hate, regardless.
There are rooms that I can't let maids in. And the way these rooms start to look every month have proven to me that my house is some sort of galactic dust collection magnet. The amount of dust is scary. It even starts to get ignored by the maids. It becomes visible on surfaces in days. It pools into adorable little "bunnies." Why bunnies? Why can't they call them something disgusting and miserable and slovenly and icky. I should call them dust kobolds. It pools into dust kobolds. Occasionally the dust kobolds collect into complex forms and even begin to exhibit a sort of primitive intelligence as it begins blossoming into a dust-based life-form, whereupon it becomes a carnivorous dust kobold which will prey upon the weaker or older maids. If I lose too many maids, the dust will eventually add my biological distinctiveness to their own and then slowly burst out of my house to consume every living thing. I hate dust. Oh god, let's not even talk about what it does to my computers and laptops. Damn, dirty dust.
I have lost tolerance for the fact that my house is the rallying point for the world's armies of dust. I want to be rid of it before it makes me neurotic. If at all possible, share all of your dust prevention techniques and tools, please. How about those ionic breeze things from Sharper Image? I want to believe that the Sharper Image dust removal tool actually works, but Sharper Image stuff usually only has to look neat enough that people don't care if it actually works. But I'm really hoping, here. Anyone bought one? How about HEPA stuff? Please, help. I hate dust.
Hate. Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Why and how do you have maids?
Posted by Tara (Member # 10030) on :
I had all this dust on my bookshelf, and I drew a picture of a frog in it when I was ten. I haven't cleaned the bookshelf, and the frog is there still (six years later). It amuses me.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
Why the unnecessary dig against Stephen King?
(He has a story about mist, but not dust. I'll keep looking. )
Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :
Prey, Michael Crichton. There, the dust ate people. It could also form fake people.
Better let the maids do their work. You can't be too careful!
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
I hate pollen. Thick yellow-green carpet on my front deck--I swept and hosed it away yesterday and had an allergy attack afterwards that I don't want to repeat anytime soon.
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
quote:Why [1] and how [2] do you have maids?
1. slob
2. slob with MONEY
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
quote:Why the unnecessary dig against Stephen King?
I have two standard Ikea Billy bookshelves. I got one fitted with the glass doors, and put my most precious books and DVDs in there.
In my case though, I should be more worried about sunlight. I keep a line of books near my window for lack of space, and the cheaper paper turns brownish very quickly. This also happens to people when you leave them lying around outside.
Posted by Lisa (Member # 8384) on :
quote:Originally posted by Samprimary:
quote:Why the unnecessary dig against Stephen King?
Yeah, but see, that's dumb. His stuff isn't formulaic. He's had some bad books (Pet Semetary and the Tommyknockers come to mind), but most of what he writes is original and really good.
I get the feeling that people dislike him because he's been so successful.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: Why and how do you have maids?
Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :
And are they pretty? And are they all in a row?
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
quote: Why and how do you have maids?
gugh fine
THE MAID STORY
I have had maids essentially for all my life. I grew up in what essentially amounted to a museum, where functional living space was wedged among the display grounds for my father's art and antique collections. You could not, say, play tag in my house. Or fire nerf guns. Doing so always brought the risk of knocking over some completely random crap like, oh, I don't know, a Balinese shadow puppet, or a Bamana headdress, or a Pueblo water jug, or a shelf of civil war daguerreotypes. In other houses, indoor roughhousing is typically 'strongly discouraged' whereas in my house it was 'a ticket to a sudden end.' Such a great volume of fragile ancient crap required a degree of competent maintenance and this was provided for by maids which eventually cajoled their way into contracts for cleaning our bedrooms and bathrooms.
This did not have to change when I grew up and became 'quasi-financially-independent,' the stage in many privileged young men's lives where they can potentially buy in to the illusion that they are providing for themselves perhaps maybe a little bit sort of kinda. While .. driving a car that maybe has a few down payments covered here and there by mom & pop. Who also cover the .. say, insurance. And tires, when called for. And the pad which is perhaps partially covered for in a similarly sporadic manner. And the furniture and tuition and cable bills and travel expenses and all of that. This status is great because kids in this situation feel entitled to spend all of their earnings while only being burdened with a fraction of realistically expected living expenses for their lifestyle. When cruelly thrust into this terrible living condition at the age of 18, I elected to stay on a maid plan.
This is possible nowadays because maid services are actually extraordinarily accessible. You just call up Merry Maids or Maidpro or an indie maid company and ask for an estimate for your house/room/broom closet based on desired service. It is also very convenient because having a maid can very possibly spoil you maybe completely. One of my friends has a weekly bathroom/bedroom cleaning at their apartment for $120/mo. Guys in one bedroom apartments in the right cities can get indie maid service for 1/16th of their total rent and utilities costs. Many do a quick cost/benefit analysis while staring at their unkempt hives, realize that they sort of maybe have to make their living conditions such so they do not immediately scare off members of the opposite sex, and sign up for a maid service. Sometimes, the tenants of an apartment with a common area will divvy up maid costs for the living room and kitchenette so as to bypass many issues. Maids for young guys can actually not be all that uncommon in the right sort of demographic.
So, I have maids. This is all well and good except for the aforementioned self loathing that I get for having others clean my room for me. I think it started shortly after I read "Nickel and Dimed" by Barbara Ehrenreich and I canceled maid service for my bedroom and bathroom, which to this day I valiantly pretend to keep clean. I think the passages about pubic hair in that book alone will keep me as a lifetime adherent to a policy of cleaning my own bathrooms.
When one day I was talking to my maid and being all appreciative and feeding her cookies to assuage some of this guilt, she said that she really didn't mind my house at all! It was way easier than other houses. The only thing that was really an issue was that it had a freaky lot of dust.
When it was confirmed by the maid, I knew I had a problem. I told her that I would take my computers out weekly and blow dense clouds of dust out of the case with a hair dryer and had thus been using my computer towers as impromptu filters and yet still had dust collecting in my lampshades and windowsills that would require weekly sponging. She said that yes, yes, this house had a dust problem, one of intrigue and mystery.
We are at a loss to explain why!
The maids are pretty in their own way but I have not yet ever seen them in a row. They usually come in their own cars.
Also guys seriously I don't actually dislike King novels at all >:[
I save the hate for the contemporary Crichton beast >:[
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
Also, I'm such a cad. On the same day that I wrote this thread, I went out and bought a Sharper Image desk.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Samprimary, I'd love to play hide and seek in your house someday. Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Euripides: In my case though, I should be more worried about sunlight. I keep a line of books near my window for lack of space, and the cheaper paper turns brownish very quickly. This also happens to people when you leave them lying around outside.
I'm with you, rip. I can tolerate dust, but sunlight is a killer. It can cause cancer, for goodness sake! And it burnsssssessss! Dust is pretty benign compared to sunlight. I'd much rather spend my days in a dusty room than out of doors in the sunshine.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
*invites Tante to the vampire club*
-pH
Posted by Eduardo_Sauron (Member # 5827) on :
Oh...thought it was a thread about "His Dark Materials"...
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*also hates dust*
*also occupies a living space that has a bizarre attraction for dust*
In my case, I suspect the fact that it's a first floor apartment, and many of the windows are louvered (which I believe the dust sneaks through even when they're shut).
I have a housekeeper come twice a week. She was just here Thursday -- there's already dust everywhere.
Posted by Happy Camper (Member # 5076) on :
Ferris: [describing Cameron's house] The place is like a museum. It's very beautiful and very cold, and you're not allowed to touch anything.
Anyone else immediately think about that quote?
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Yes!
Posted by Launchywiggin (Member # 9116) on :
me too for the Ferris quote.
Sam, you do know how to clean, right? I mean, I'm not judging, I'm just from a completely different background. Do you think you're capable of cleaning at the same level of quality that your maids do?
Honestly, it sounds like the guilt you feel from having someone clean your room isn't worth it, and here's why: the feeling of accomplishment I get from cleaning my apartment (especially when I've let it go for a few weeks), is unbelievably fulfilling. It makes me feel good to work hard and know I've done a great job.
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
My house was thankfully not very cold. We were all into those snuggling real-wood-fireplace moments and the constant abuse of thermostat adjustment. We also commonly did that stuff with moroccan floor pillows and blankets and rugs as an excuse to bypass .. you know, needing furniture.
Anyway.
Sometimes I like to think that I'm great at cleaning! This week is one of those times, as I have taken spring break as an opportunity to tear my room into little bits and buy new furniture and electronics and tapestries and curtains for it and this all involves a great degree of cunning, masterly cleaning.
The problem is that I am lazy and I procrastinate a lot on personal tasks and I shove room maintenance to the absolute bottom of any priorities I might have. I also get absolutely no feeling of accomplishment from cleaning my own room. I know of it, I understand how it works, but I sure don't have it. Being great at cleaning is also of little help if I am terrible at maintaining my own private areas: my room degenerates into a hive of clothing and paperwork and textbooks and there's always a corner devoted towards becoming a rat's nest of cords dangling from monitors and sound equipment. Once it's past a certain threshold, I am simply mostly uninterested in bothering to clean it ever. Or, at least, I used to be.
It started a long time ago at about age 16, when I evolved from the typical protozoan Slob into a marginally better creature. I did this by gaining a complete intolerance for biohazard slobbishness. No food, used plates, wrappers, or other degradable waste was tolerable. Then I chose not to have maids cleaning my own personal rooms. My bathrooms were impeccable, but my room maintained its hiveishness. Hiveosity. Hivelikeness. Whatever. It pretty much maintained that state until very recently and now I'm trying to cure it with interior design and overhauls. I don't have guilt over my room since -- as noted -- I took responsibility for that years ago. Until this experiment and life overhaul (maybe) works, it's pretty safe to default on thinking that I just don't know or care to clean regularly and that I remain a somewhat messy person.
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