I am a decent writer. Need a quick column? I’m there. Need a short story or essay or script or poem? I laugh and reach for my keyboard. Need to compose a polite but insistent e-mail to a retailer to complain about the shopping cart left lodged wheel-deep into your Civic? I’m on it. And yet, when faced with the most minor writing task imaginable, I freeze up.
Such as, for example, leaving feedback at eBay.
It’s a simple thing, really. You’ve made a transaction at this popular online auction site, you’re either happy or unhappy with the results, and all you have to do is check a box and leave a short comment about the ordeal. But I stare at the screen helplessly, torn over my choice. After all, future generations will look at my words before putting their faith in this person. The 80 characters or less that I write may make the difference between someone’s personal satisfaction and their financial ruin. And what if my seller just had an off day but doesn’t really deserve the crushing report I want to deliver? Do I want the responsibility of being the only “Negative” comment in an otherwise sterling life?
quote:Do I want the responsibility of being the only “Negative” comment in an otherwise sterling life?
Eh, I used to sometimes be the only teacher giving a bad grade on a student's report card. This is probably only slightly more life-altering.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:“I would step on my children to buy from this seller again”
quote:“Remember this feedback when they find my body, and cry for me”
I'd like to see that. Really, I would.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
I love those.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
You do realize I found myself counting characters on a couple of the more delicious ones... Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
You know you can copy and paste to find out the word count. I never finished NaNoWriMo (by a depressingly long shot) but I did come away with a bunch of tools to use that come in handy at work and such.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
I'm using these.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Each and every one is 80 characters or less.
And while I can usually work easily within the family-friendly standards of our newspaper, I had to bite back hard on some of my more robust ideas...
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Chris, you may have permanently changed the way I view -- and post -- eBay feedback.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
I had 5 transactions that I have been to lazy to leave feedback for.
quote:Transaction served as wholly adequate replacement for human contact. Bless you
I thought Chris was going for, ah, "marital aid" with this one, so it made an interesting inclusion on my read. I'll never look at Night at the Museum the same again. (But I have a dirty mind.)
quote:Remember this feedback when they find my body, and cry for me
I read this as a negative (as in, I am going to go kill myself now), but it's clear that it's a positive coment from your check. Which is good, as Turtledove should not inspire suicide. Maybe killing off one's evil alternate self with the pointy black beard, but not oneself. (However, maybe you aren't the self you think you are. Dun-dun-dunnnh! )
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese:
I read this as a negative (as in, I am going to go kill myself now), but it's clear that it's a positive coment from your check. Which is good, as Turtledove should not inspire suicide. Maybe killing off one's evil alternate self with the pointy black beard, but not oneself. (However, maybe you aren't the self you think you are. Dun-dun-dunnnh! ) [/QB]
Heh.
I took it to mean, I'm leaving this as a positive feedback so that someone, anyone, will miss me.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Aw, that's much better. I like that.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"I have left my family and now roam behind this seller, learning and growing"
"A bit more of my youth has been lost, torn away by lies and poor shipping habits."
"The speed and courtesy were unexpected, as was the enclosed butter."
Actually, I was strongly tempted to just come up with a few dozen Shakespearian feedbacks, but I restrained myself to just two.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
*giggling in my dank little office
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Enjoy your ill-gotten gain. My sons will avenge me! Avenge me!"
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Oh, and the "find my body" thing? I was going for suicidal. Sorry. My best to Mr. Turtledove.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
If you can think of any I can leave for buyers post away!
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Payment! At last I can leave this life of crime! Recommended."
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
"Thou art an integral part of my world, as is the charge of right-handed singlets"
"Across the vagaries of time and space, a mutually satisfactory connection"
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Swift payment, no problems, great kisser."
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Involuntarily paid buyer to take my item. Avoid."
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Good buyer. Speedy sale. Untraceable. A++"
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Offered buyer a toaster. Took my first-born as well."
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
"I asked you for pence, and you gave me riches. Joyous fruit of transaction!"
"I would sell this man my soul, were it not already ensconced in a magic fiddle."
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
"Speedy delivery, good price, killed mailman as intended!"
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Sale! It was crap and he bought it! Let’s see, what else can I get rid of…"
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
"Once I was alone. Now I have a friend. Super A+++!"
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"I would sell this man my soul, were it not already ensconced in a magic fiddle."
Maybe my favorite so far...
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Transaction satisfactory. Paid for in blood."
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Received payment in time to release buyer's daughter. Satisfactory."
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
"Most people have to go through extra surgery to get a heart this large."
---
Edited to add: Hey, thanks, Chris Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
"After each sale, I am reborn -- until this. Now have super powers. Thanks!"
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
"In a just world, seller would would be repeatedly pierced with red-hot pokers. Shipping was prompt."
"I was impressed by seller's generous cow to magic beans exchange rate."
"In most cultures, COD means Cash On Delivery. Not the fish."
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Buyer credulous and solvent. Will buy anything."
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tristan: "Buyer credulous and solvent. Will buy anything."
*laughing aloud
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Hey everyone! Got a live one here!"
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Payment timely. Sorry for not shipping item. Recommended."
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Townspeople's souls turned over in a timely manner. A+++"
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
"Seller personally carried purchase to my doorstep, offered to trim hedges and watch my children A++++"
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"At time of payment, turtle had perished. Refunded."
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
"Repeated delays in shipping have doomed all those in the Greater Philadelphia region to eternal torment."
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Seller minion of Satan. Purchase at own risk. Recommended."
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
"Font choice led to ambiguous description. Thought I was purchasing a plug for my R Ear."
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
"Great seller. Will buy more if serial numbers are removed."
"Package destroyed by Bomb Disposal Unit. Refunded."
"Great seller. Immaculate item. But what does it do?"
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
quote:Originally posted by MrSquicky: "Font choice led to ambiguous description. Thought I was purchasing a plug for my R Ear."
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Tell me that one won't be returned...
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by MrSquicky: "Font choice led to ambiguous description. Thought I was purchasing a plug for my R Ear."
Perrriteee caleverr!
"Item began ending all actions at the atomic level, returned."
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
"Transaction was satisfactory but left me craving for fish-flavored cat food. Cat food was unsatisfactory."
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:"Seller minion of Satan. Purchase at own risk. Recommended."
quote:"Font choice led to ambiguous description. Thought I was purchasing a plug for my R Ear."
quote:"Great seller. Immaculate item. But what does it do?"
"The seagulls woke me … to the stench of deception. Aim well, lads"
"Only the lonely can play, but not with him. Begin the shunning."
"Like Alanis put on her God jacket and touched my finger. I will never wash again"
---
(80 character limit for eBay feedback, including spaces)
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Buyer should be opening package with hidden GPS...now. Activate missles."
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
"High priced item not performing as advertised, return arm and leg payment please."
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
"Buyer's parents called, buyer is apparently 6 - refunded."
"ITEM KILLED MY CATS, AVOID"
"Packaging smells like my husband! A++++!"
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Seller classified as annoyance. Contracts welcome."
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
"Item destroyed my kitchen table and faith in a loving God."
[ May 18, 2007, 03:33 PM: Message edited by: MrSquicky ]
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Though discreetly packaged, item opened by wife. Now divorced."
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
"Buyer is answer to 'Who would ever pay good money for this crap?'"
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Own stupidity only exceeded by seller's nerve. Returned."
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
"Box was bleeding on arrival, refused"
"Quick payment, hassle free transaction, (A+2B)/1.14*10^12!"
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
"Item DOA, tried to get refund, only received tears"
"Quick shipment but missing accessories, please send the heads, thx"
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
"Seller much more reliable than my previous source: magic goblins."
"Less hassle selling children to buyer than to the gypsies."
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
"Item DOA, fraud seller has 900 # as tech support, but girls are GREAT A++++++"
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
"Item cured my cancer, left me with STD and bad breath."
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Packed so well mailman kept for himself. Depression."
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Parrot dead on arrival. Prompt shipping. Recommended."
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Darkest despair. Item not as described. Still vaguely useful."
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
"Couldn't be happier if the item was the real Tony Blair's nose."
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
"Package incorrectly delivered to neighbors. Didn't like them anyway. Recommended."
"Great product. Haven't left bathroom in four days. AAAA+++++"
"Great product, but federal agents are a bit annoying. Returned."
Posted by Lavalamp (Member # 4337) on :
"Great packaging. I live in it now."
"Beware! 'Horny toad' refers to seller's husband. RETURNED"
"Finally have answer to question: 'How do you ship bubble wrap?'"
"Buyer illiterate. Description clearly stated TOY Ferrari. $10 refunded."
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Perfect for you, Lavalamp. Welcome!
quote:"Buyer illiterate. Description clearly stated TOY Ferrari. $10 refunded."
"Seller illiterate. Description clearly stated TOY Ferrari. Item returned."
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
quote:Originally posted by Chris Bridges: "A bit more of my youth has been lost, torn away by lies and poor shipping habits."
I'm absolutely borrowing this one for my next bad sale..
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Item bought featured prominently on list of regrets."
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote: "Buyer illiterate. Description clearly stated TOY Ferrari. $10 refunded."
"Seller illiterate. Description clearly stated Toy Ferrari. I already have a car, $10 refund received.F-"
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
(beat you to it, BB!)
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese: Perfect for you, Lavalamp. Welcome!
quote:"Buyer illiterate. Description clearly stated TOY Ferrari. $10 refunded."
"Seller illiterate. Description clearly stated TOY Ferrari. Item returned."
Quit stealing my thoughts Claudia, it's not funny. Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
That, and the time machine. Fie on me!
(great minds ... )
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
"Package of sorrow does not weigh heavily enough on me, returned."
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Seller failed to apply warning label. Item accidentally consumed. Will return once passed."
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Beware! Seller personally accompanies item. Talks incessantly."
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Bought from myself, seller still ripped me off. I hate him."
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by Chris Bridges: "Bought from myself, seller still ripped me off. I hate him."
Winner.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Oh, the tears of giggling are such relief after all the other tears this week. Bless everyone of you!
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
I showed Chris's original article to my editor at work (her bf sells on eBay) and she laughed and laughed. She even asked if she could keep that copy, so you know she does really like them. I'll have to show her how to get on Hatrack so she can see the new additions.
I really liked the magic fiddle one (among many others).
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
"Box growls. Cat missing. Afraid to open."
"Unsure if item received is item ordered. Is it supposed to tick?"
(Oh, and character count site.)
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
"Purchase so good wife left me for seller. Worth it."
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tristan: "Purchase so good wife left me for seller. Worth it."
(((Shan)))
Posted by Lavalamp (Member # 4337) on :
Every time this seller makes a transaction, an angel gets its wings. A++++++
Item MUCH larger than described. 'Universal remote' indeed! Thx!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Amazon sent me an email today reminding me about feedbackless transactions . . . Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
I never finished NaNoWriMo (by a depressingly long shot) but I did come away with a bunch of tools to use that come in handy at work and such.
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)