A couple of days ago I heard my next-door neighbor through the wall of a room I'm working on. He was swearing like crazy, dropping F-bombs and really yelling. I assume it was his kid he was yelling at, because he told him/her to get in bed.
Who swears like that at their kid? He was swearing *at* his kid, not just in front of.
I thought about calling Child Protective Services, but it didn't seem like he was going to hit them (of course I didn't see anything, and I have no idea how old the kids are, I don't pay any attention to my neighbors at all, I couldn't pick 'em out of a lineup).
Any advice? Are calls to CPS confidential? The last thing I need is "a neighbor heard you yelling at your kids..." and then I'm on the neighbor's revenge list or something. If I thought there was danger I'd risk it of course, but when I'm not really sure there's actual danger, I don't want to put my own family in line for harassment/reprisals.
Also, I have a hard time having government agencies involved in telling people how to raise their kids. While I don't think anyone has the right to talk to their kids like that, ever, and that it definitely is abuse, how much is it our job to monitor everyone? I don't want people intruding on my family, but then I'm not a scumbag, I don't think.
I've just heard a lot of bad stories about CPS so I'm hesitant to call them over what might be a one-time (though incredibly horrible) thing.
He was screaming so loud, and he did say something like "if you don't get in there right now, I'm going to [deleted] lose it!" He wasn't yelling, he was screaming.
I don't get people.
Posted by ricree101 (Member # 7749) on :
My advice would just be to keep an eye out for any future problems. This does seem troubling, but not enough in and of itself to call CPS.
Posted by Vyrus (Member # 10525) on :
You shouldn't call child protective services over such a paltry matter. To you it might seem like something major, but there are many families where people yell where there's no actual abuse. So you can either call CPS and get the family into a lot of trouble over what *might* have been nothing, or you can do pretty much the only thing you can, and leave it alone.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
My sister, who works with children who have been removed from homes by CPS, has always advised me to call CPS if there is any indication at all that a minor is being physically abused. If it was just yelling, I would wait and keep a close ear on it. If there were any threats or mentions of violence, I would call.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Without threat of violence, unless it goes on 24/7, I would not call.
It is NOT FUN to have CPS show up accusing you of stuff.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: Without threat of violence, unless it goes on 24/7, I would not call.
It is NOT FUN to have CPS show up accusing you of stuff.
I was gonna say you might want to ask KQ's brother about the protocols for contacting CPS.
Figured it would be in poor taste but the cats is out of the bag now.
Posted by Seatarsprayan (Member # 7634) on :
Okay, thanks for the input. I was afraid everyone would say "how can you just sit by and let that happen!" I sure wouldn't want to do nothing and let a child be hurt, but I can't police the world either. I have no indications that anyone is getting hit.
About 10 years ago, same house, different neighbors, my father heard a child in his bedroom singing "I love my father but why does he hit me?" He was upset for days. Thing was, the kid was *singing* it. We did nothing, but always wondered.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
A report to CPS (or here it's called DCFS) is *supposed* to be confidential. I was able to figure out who had reported me for alleged abuse when they showed up on my doorstep based on the things they were asking me, though. The caseworker would not confirm it when I gave the name of my accuser outright.
I wouldn't call yet if it's just words. I would pay more attention to what you're hearing and see if it sounds like anything more.
If it does definitely escalate to physical abuse - and I mean something that you yourself see, either as it's happening or you see bruises, etc. afterwards that don't make sense for normal childhood roughhousing - you'll probably get faster results from calling the police rather than CPS. And then the police will involve CPS if a case seems to exist.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:About 10 years ago, same house, different neighbors, my father heard a child in his bedroom singing "I love my father but why does he hit me?" He was upset for days. Thing was, the kid was *singing* it. We did nothing, but always wondered.
See, that could be from a play or musical the kid was in/had seen, an assembly at school, whatever. I think that if the kid looked unharmed and was normal socially, and never gave any other indications of abuse, that's not the kind of thing to worry about. Although you could always go up to the kid and say, "We heard you singing a song the other day. Where did you learn that song?"
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
That's very sad- I'd keep my ear out.
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
quote:Originally posted by Seatarsprayan: About 10 years ago, same house, different neighbors, my father heard a child in his bedroom singing "I love my father but why does he hit me?" He was upset for days. Thing was, the kid was *singing* it. We did nothing, but always wondered.
This sounds very much like a Jars of Clay song ("He")
quote:Daddy don't you love me? Then why do you hit me? Momma don't you love me? Then why do you hurt me?
Posted by DeathofBees (Member # 3862) on :
quote:I don't pay any attention to my neighbors at all, I couldn't pick 'em out of a lineup
Have you thought about getting to know them? Maybe befriending this dad (or just being neighborly, even) would help the situation. I wouldn't bring up the fact that you heard what he said, but if you could give him a little grace and see whether he's going through something rough, perhaps your friendship could assist in helping him mellow. Maybe he doesn't know how to be a good dad. Parenting is hard. It's not an excuse for his behavior, but it's a good reason to let him know he's not alone in the world. It would also give you a chance to meet the kids, maybe give them a safe place to go in case something physical did occur later. If they're relatively new neighbors, they may really appreciate making a connection on the block.
Posted by Seatarsprayan (Member # 7634) on :
The house next door is a rental and the people change fairly often, and we've never gotten to know any of them. My family has always been reclusive and socially inept. I'm not sure I know how to start now. And actually it'd be too late, once I've heard enough to think the people next door are trash, it'd be impossible for me to hide that fact in my demeanor. Better for me to mind my own business than make enemies.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
The woman in the apartment across from mine used to yell at her kids constantly when I first moved in. It was terrible. She also yelled at her boyfriend in front of her kids. The kids seemed fine, though. I saw them playing outside, and they were always smiling and friendly, and there were no signs of abuse. There didn't seem to be any grounds to call CPS, but we told the apartment manager. Apparently she received enough complaints that the family was asked to leave.
Basically, yes, I would just echo what everyone else has already said.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
We have a really hard time figuring out what to do with our neighbors. They are all supremely dysfunctional, but it's hard to delineate what will help the child, and what will only make things worse.
Sometimes the best you can do is try to be a good influence, but if it is frequent and there is a threat/evidence of violence, definitely alert someone that can stop it.
Posted by Nathan2006 (Member # 9387) on :
Yay. Somebody's heard of Jars of Clay.
I pretty much agree with everybody else here... Keep your eyes open, but don't do anything yet.