He had a heart attack. He was only a few years older than me, non-smoker, in shape, in good health, father of a new daughter.
He was a nice, funny, helpful person. Always doing his best to help us, always cheerful and upbeat.
I can genuinely say it was a pleasure to know him.
I'm having a lot of problems dealing with his passing. Work seems so unreal. I keep thinking, most of his last day on Earth was spent with us.
Did I make his day a better one?
Was I as good a friend to him as he was to me?
And why am I thinking this now, when it's too late?
Posted by MattP (Member # 10495) on :
I'm sorry for your loss.
quote:Did I make his day a better one?
Was I as good a friend to him as he was to me?
Flip it around. If you were him, would it have mattered to you how your coworkers treated you on your last day on earth? Would you begrudge those who could maybe have been better friends, or would you assume that they were doing the best they could with the resources available to them?
Don't expect more of yourself than you expect of others and don't expect less of them than you expect of yourself.
quote:And why am I thinking this now, when it's too late?
Because now there's no opportunity to "balance the books" if you've decided that you took too much out or didn't put enough in. It's best not to try to do the calculation, just resolve to try to stay in the black from now on.
Posted by MattP (Member # 10495) on :
I've got a soft spot for orphans and widows. If you want to do something for your recently departed friend, see if there's anything you can do for his family. If they've got a lot of family or friends they're probably being taken care of right now, but that can diminish over time. Maybe check in with them in a few weeks/months.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
I'm sorry, Puffy.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by MattP: If you want to do something for your recently departed friend, see if there's anything you can do for his family. If they've got a lot of family or friends they're probably being taken care of right now, but that can diminish over time. Maybe check in with them in a few weeks/months.
I think that is an excellent suggestion.
I'm sorry, Puffy. Death is never easy; sudden death of someone who is young and healthy even more so.
Posted by Christine (Member # 8594) on :
I always hate to hear about someone leaving behind a family. It's so sad.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Does this mean that you're employed again, Puffy?
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I'm sorry...
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Puffy, I know exactly what you're going through.
In my case, we got the call early in the morning on April 1. Yes, this guy was a huge joker, and on top of it, there was an episode of some sitcom just a few nights before where one of the supporting male character faked his own death to pull a prank on the male lead. We seriously thought he was trying to April Fool's us... until the next day.
Matt's exactly right in saying that you feel this way now because there's no chance to fix any disparities there may have been. Of course that's the case in any relationship, but it somehow felt more *there* when it was John rather than a family member. And sitting there at his wake, I realized how little I knew this guy that I had spent most of my waking hours with for the prior two years.
If you feel the need to commiserate off-board, my email's in my profile. I don't have the answers, but if nothing else, I'm a good ear.
Posted by Puffy Treat (Member # 7210) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: Does this mean that you're employed again, Puffy?
Yes. My old employer called me back three weeks ago.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Wow, I'm sorry. That can be tough because you do spend a lot of time with people you work with. I'm sorry for your loss, and for his family. I would only add that the feelings you have are completely understandable and normal.
I agree with pretty much everything MattP said above.
(((Puffy)))
Posted by MichelleLovesDanger (Member # 10975) on :
i'm sorry puffy Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
I'm sorry, Puffy Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
My sorrow for your loss as well, Puffy Treat.
Posted by Puffy Treat (Member # 7210) on :
![[Frown]](frown.gif)