It is not unusual for good friends to change their relationship status on Facebook to "Married". For the older folks on Hatrack ( ), this is just a fun way of saying, "We're practically attached at the hip."
Today on the way to class, my Facebook wife Hannah and I were talking. About how, you know, it's fun and all that we're married now. But it's a shame we never had a ceremony.
You know, we oughtta have a ceremony.
Haha, yeah.
Let's make a Facebook event for it.
That's funny, we could invite people to our wedding!
Haha!
Hmmm . . . how about a week from tomorrow?
Well, I want Stephanie for my bridesmaid, and she does synchronized swimming on Wednesdays.
A week from Friday, out on the quad?
Sounds good. Stephanie can bake the cake.
Oooh, I call Megan for a groomsmaid!
Haha, we'll definitely need a photographer so we can put all the pictures on Facebook!
. . . we're really doing this, aren't we?
. . . yeah. Yeah, I guess we are.
You know, my brother's an ordained minister. He could perform the wedding.
All right, but let's write our own vows.
Hmmmm . . . I suppose we could have the reception in the dorm lobby.
Eight hours later, we've set up this wedding. There are two dozen confirmed guests and a bunch of maybes. We will be married a week from Friday, if not in the eyes of the law then in the eyes of Facebook . . . and possibly G-d, even if our minister is an atheist.
My best man is my boyfriend, and my groomsmen are throwing me a bachelor party.
I've convinced my brother to do the Princess Bride bit when he conducts the wedding. He insists on giving us counselling before he marries us to make sure we have been chaste and pure, and that we have no carnal knowledge of each other.
A lot of my friends are visiting from Tech and Agnes Scott for the wedding. My ex-girlfriend is giving me away.
This afternoon I was browsing through a yard sale and found two broken mood rings. They're both stuck on blue, which I suppose means we'll always be happy.
Hannah's dress is a white lacy corset and a long white gypsy skirt; I'm wearing an indie kid type blazer, a button down pinstripe shirt, jeans, and my purple Chucks.
I'm getting married in ten days. I am infinitely weirded out.
Hatrack's getting the photos. Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
Congratulations! Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
a) Congratulations. b) How do you become an ordained minister? I should do that!
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Soooo... (trying to understand this)... is this a real wedding/marriage, or is this more of a joke?
If the former, why aren't you getting married legally as well?
If the latter, why did you say that you'll be married in the eyes of God?
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
Uh, I think he's gay based on the "my boyfriend" comment, which would make actually marrying a girl a bit awkward.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Honestly, this seems like an absurdly cruel way to screw with someone pining for you.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
I've never seen Facebook treated like "Second Life" - which is what it sounds like Joldo is doing.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
That is hilarious. Are you getting presents too? You should demand presents.
(It sounds to me like a joke that got a little carried away, but all in good fun.)
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
Hey, I was Best Man (*cough*) at the 'wedding' of two good friends when we were at college. My RA officiated, the bride wore white. Someone sang and everything. They agreed that if neither had married in ten years that they would marry. The bride met someone on the internet. I had a feeling the groom was gay, just from a hundred little intangibles of our very close friendship.
It was fun and essentially harmless. Same thing here, updated and probably less geeky, but still.
Congratulations! Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote:They agreed that if neither had married in ten years that they would marry.
*laugh* You know the OTHER thing I was going to mention, but which I edited out of my post? That.
I knew a lot of "fag hags" in high school and college, and an absurd number of them made that sort of "if we're still single at thirty" promise to the gay guy they were desperately pining for. It always struck me as a terrible thing for them to do to themselves.
It was even worse when one of those couples actually went through with it; she saw it as a way of staying close to the man she loved, albeit platonically, and he saw it as a way of being friendly to someone his parents didn't mind having over for dinner.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: Honestly, this seems like an absurdly cruel way to screw with someone pining for you.
Oh lord no, she's not pining after me. Her boyfriend is in the wedding party.
This really is a joke that's been carried far, I guess. But now we've decided we'll assign deeper meanings, most related to protesting the institution of marriage as it relates to society.
We don't want to be married in the eyes of the law 'cause. . .yeah, awkward. I'm just not sure if this means we're married in the eyes of G-d or not, because we're being married by a minister but our minister is an atheist. And I don't know if it counts. I hope it doesn't.
We're going clubbing after the wedding, and our artsy friend is making black t-shirts that say "Just Married" on back for us to wear.
We're writing our own vows. Here are mine so far:
"I take thee, [her name], to be my wife, consort, lover, and snuggly bear. I promise to cherish thee always, to protect thee from zombies, to use others first as velociraptor bait, never to cannibalize thee if we two become lost in the wilderness together, and to do weird little dances whenever I find myself bored or caffeinated. I promise to make little castles out of corn chips whenever they are available and invite thee to preside over these castles as queen. I swear to be loyal, or somewhat loyal, or at least to only be disloyal with other men, and to make very few jokes about how thou carryest the plague when thou art sick. Also, I promise to take thee to EVC for soup on these occasions. Though I will not continue to make waffles for thee once we are married, half my waffles will be thine by California state law. With these words, I give thee access to my Facebook profile and my Facebook heart."
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Oh, also, eight members of the wedding party are ordained ministers . . .
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
That's... amazing to me, but if it works for them *shrug* I'm pretty sure this lady was not in love the guy. The wedding was just a silly fun thing - she was a Senior and he was a Freshman. Most of the people involved were co-workers in the switchboard office or the residence hall office, which were side by side. Me, I was just his buddy. We were UNBEATABLE at Pictionary. Lord, I hadn't thought about that in years.
The 'bride' later worked with my sister in the mental health field, and she was surprised to hear that I had been lady's best man. There are pictures. O_O
Joldo, get someone to make a video. That would be a riot. Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
You know, you really ought to get the rest of the members of the wedding party to get themselves ordained as well.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
We should, Noemon. I mean, if nothing else it gives me some leverage over my brother. He's really excited about performing this wedding: he's invited all his friends so they can see his ministerial debut.
Olivet: we have a wedding photographer and a video being made.
Posted by Javert Hugo (Member # 3980) on :
I remember when my friends and I did this. I had a friend who absolutely loved being the center of attention and there was a guy who enjoyed her attentions and she wanted it, so sure, why not. I was a fake bridesmaid. We had a fake minister. It was very thrilling.
We were in the fourth grade. Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
Yeah, but Joldo has a real minister.
It adds an air of authenticity, I think.
If there's one regret I have from college it's that I wasn't involved in enough fake marriages.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Are we considering ULC to be a "real" ministry?
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
quote:Originally posted by Joldo: It is not unusual for good friends to change their relationship status on Facebook to "Married". For the older folks on Hatrack ( ), this is just a fun way of saying, "We're practically attached at the hip."
Thank you! I have a younger* relative who I've got friended on Facebook, and his status shows as married to a girl he met on a summer visit to the U.S. (he lives in New Zealand). I figured it was in jest, but couldn't figure out why he'd do that -- I mean, the pictures of them together seem plenty obvious. This makes the pieces fall into place.
I still think the whole thing is silly -- not meeting girls on holidays, mind you, just the changing Facebook status to "married" -- but at least I understand it now.
*He's 18, I'm 26.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
Oh, good grief. I've had a lot of gay male friends and never "pined" for any of them.
Is this assumption that women with gay friends are really in love with them (or lusting after them) another permutation of the idea that males and females can never really be "just" friends?
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: Are we considering ULC to be a "real" ministry?
In comparison to a fourth-grader pretending to be a minister. Not in comparison to someone who's been to seminary.
Posted by Javert Hugo (Member # 3980) on :
It was an appropriately somber fourth-grader.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
LOL
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote:Oh, good grief. I've had a lot of gay male friends and never "pined" for any of them.
That's certainly possible. How many of them did you go through marriage ceremonies with?
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
Those are exceptionally good vows.
When I was about fourteen a huge group of girls from church decided we would marry each other. One made a bunch of rings out of bread twist-ties, and we all held hands and jumped into the swimming pool.
When both parties are fully aware of their real feelings for each other, I don't see this as anything other than a glorified game of House.
I never promised to marry my gay best friend, but I did tell him I would consider bearing a child for him, so his good looks may prosper into the ages. And I love him like I love all my best friends, there's no secret crush going on. Though I do know where Tom is coming from. It hearkens back to our thread on marriage pacts, yes? I was against them, too.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
Joldo, you have inspired me. If I ever get married, my wedding vows must include zombies and velociraptors.
-pH
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
I'm just upset that I wasn't invited! I wouldn't have come all the way from Indiana but I would have sent you both facebook cards!
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Oh, yeah. I didn't say it, but I should: those vows are absolutely brilliant. Posted by scholar (Member # 9232) on :
quote:Originally posted by porcelain girl:
I never promised to marry my gay best friend, but I did tell him I would consider bearing a child for him, so his good looks may prosper into the ages.
I don't think there is a man alive that is attractive enough that I would go through pregnancy just to carry on his genes.
Posted by Loren (Member # 9539) on :
It should here be noted that scholar and I have never met.
Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
When I was in Vegas over spring break, there was some discussion of getting two people married at a white chapel type place just to say we'd all been to one.
I'd been nominated as the groom... I think it finally died out when we realized none of us actually knew how a marriage annulment works.
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
quote:I'd been nominated as the groom... I think it finally died out when we realized none of us actually knew how a marriage annulment works.
In Florida marriage licenses come with the equivalent of a seven day warranty; if you realize within a certain amount of time that it was a bad idea, you can have it legally anulled to make it as if the marriage never existed in the first place.
My father found that awkwardly amusing when he remarried...
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
I love the zombies and velociraptors and cannibalism in the vows. All marriage vows should cover these contingencies, I think.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
There is much to admire about the vows, but the gratuitous use of "thee" and "thine" is physically painful to me.
Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nighthawk:
quote:I'd been nominated as the groom... I think it finally died out when we realized none of us actually knew how a marriage annulment works.
In Florida marriage licenses come with the equivalent of a seven day warranty; if you realize within a certain amount of time that it was a bad idea, you can have it legally anulled to make it as if the marriage never existed in the first place.
My father found that awkwardly amusing when he remarried...
That was our worry. We wouldn't have been back in our hometown for another 9 days. Thinking back, that would have been a blast to explain to my parents though.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
quote:Originally posted by scholar:
quote:Originally posted by porcelain girl:
I never promised to marry my gay best friend, but I did tell him I would consider bearing a child for him, so his good looks may prosper into the ages.
I don't think there is a man alive that is attractive enough that I would go through pregnancy just to carry on his genes.
The bargain was born partially out of love, and partially out of my innate desire to have the most beautiful children ever. I mean, if I'm ever going to have babies, they might as well be mythological creatures.
[ October 10, 2007, 10:17 PM: Message edited by: porcelain girl ]
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson:
quote:Oh, good grief. I've had a lot of gay male friends and never "pined" for any of them.
That's certainly possible. How many of them did you go through marriage ceremonies with?
None.
But I have to say that I don't find this any weirder than those classes they have (used to have?) in some high schools, where they paired up couples and made them act like they were married...and yes, sometimes even had little ceremonies...then gave them an egg or a sack of flour that they had to treat as their "baby".
At least these folks are friendly. In some of those classes apparently the pairings were made arbitrarily by the teacher without any consideration for whether the "spouses" were compatible.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
Porce, only one of those pics worked (the myspace ones didn't) but oh yeah would have his babies!
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
quote:Originally posted by dkw: There is much to admire about the vows, but the gratuitous use of "thee" and "thine" is physically painful to me.
I felt I needed to step up the romance somehow.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
By the way, anyone who wants an invite can just find me on Facebook and Friend me using my AIM name RochtalAlphkrist; request an invite and you'll be sent one.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
Fixed the links, breyer. More caribbean goodness.
Posted by adfectio (Member # 11070) on :
This is amazing. Seriously, I'm putting something about Velociraptors in my real wedding vows...
If you don't mind the copying, that is.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Neat Joldo. Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
Dude Joldo, we already are friends!
Posted by stihl1 (Member # 1562) on :
quote:Originally posted by Javert Hugo: We were in the fourth grade.
And that right there sums the whole thing up.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
My friend has posted a youtube video of the wedding. It's incomplete, but you get most of the vows and the minister's speech.
To the left you will see the bride, resplendent in white; the the minister (my brother), with his dog collar; me, handsome as ever in blue jeans, a black dress shirt, and a blue bow tie; my best man (and boyfriend) in a striped polo; and my groomsmaid in black.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
Congrats!
Posted by Evie3217 (Member # 5426) on :
I love your vows. I agree with everyone else when I say that I think I'm going to put something about velociraptors and zombies in my wedding vow.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
), this is just a fun way of saying, "We're practically attached at the hip."![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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