This is topic How many could you take... in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
 
Ever wonder how many five-year-olds you could take in a fight?

Silly question? Yes.

Sillier premise? Yes.

How many can I take? Apparently 28.

It's very scientific.
 
Posted by suminonA (Member # 8757) on :
 
On an apparent scale from 1 to 39, I'm very close to the middle. (19) [Big Grin]

A.
 
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
28 here. *flexes

It's the flexibility. And I'm totally amoral.
 
Posted by adfectio (Member # 11070) on :
 
It's telling me I could take 25. Some of the questions were borderline for me. So I went with the more 'ethical' one. So If it came down to it and they were really trying to hurt me, I think I could take more.
 
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
 
Bow to my might, I could take on 33 of the little monsters, no more, no less.

This reminds me of being a teacher's assistant for the summer school program. I went to recess with the kids to supervise them and got sucked into their games. Tag, didn't really work so they revised the rules which entailed that all of them would chase me, and if they caught me, they proceeded to beat on me. It was crazy hard to run, dodge, take down, and flee for 30 minutes straight, but those kids made me do it twice a day.
 
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
 
17. Alright.
 
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
BlackBlade, you must've been a smashing teaching assistant.

---

My first taxed income was as a go-monkey for a Chuck E. Cheese's / Showbiz Pizza Place. I spun cotten candy, worked the till, and shuffled melted cheese out to the masses.

I also had the lovingly memorable experience of regularly inhabiting a stale, spit-stained and very very heavy giant mouse suit. This could be fun, as I got to play unlimited skee-ball with frenzied kids coked up on sugar and caffeine.

However -- and this is a big however -- you had to keep moving very fast from the first break out of the back door into the entertainment center, since you would immediately become a giant toddler magnet. They loooove Chuckie, and they especially love glomming onto his legs in a death grip, one one top of the other, piling up like nobody's business. It was like walking through sludge.

And so one day I accidentally drop-kicked a toddler. No, seriously, it was accidental -- that eyeslit has virtually no downward view, and I was "walking" (shambling) at a very high speed. She ran into me and velcroed herself to my leg before I could stop the forward momentum. Alas, the velcro did not hold, and she went spinning.

I was sure she was dead, until she started crying. And then I was sure I was fired, possibly getting sued. That dad -- bless him! bless you, sir, and may you never have to stand in a line again! -- picked up his kid (crying out of startled fear rather than actual damage -- I checked, believe me) and said, "Look, honey, now you're making Chuckie cry."

And so I mimed big tears, and she wanted to hug it all away.

Awwww.

[Smile]
 
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
 
502...apparently I'm a BAD gateway
 
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
 
Holy crap Claudia, you just melted my heart into soup with that story. Aww....Awww....Awww. I know EXACTLY what you meant by children sludge. Can't kick em off, and prying each hand off is virtually impossible. Now here's the question, if that girl had been seriously injured and say the costume was getting in the way of you providing basic medical attention, would you discard the helmet/mask thus destroying her illusion of Chuck E. or would you work with the costume still on?

As for being a smashing teacher's assistant, it was the best job I ever had, bar none. But unfortunately I am positive that if I was a real teacher I would not be permitted to play with the kids during recess, far too many uptight people for that sort of thing.

I'll just have to settle for getting Mrs. BB to pop some kids out and play with them instead.
 
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by aspectre:
502...apparently I'm a BAD gateway

Refresh it. [Razz] Apparently it's quite popular.
 
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
 
My feeble physique falters @ fifteen kiddo's.

Say... my choice of words there gave me an idea for another website: "How many Beatrix Kiddo's could you take in a fight?" [Big Grin]
 
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
At the time I had only basic CPR training (college job), so unless her heart stopped, I would've been little use.

However, if the same situation arose now, I'd like to think my mad skillz could overcome the challenge of a big rubber tire around my middle and huge floppy fingers.

It's a good look for me. [Wink]
 
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
 
What? Only 18? So I don't know Karate, but my moral compass is way off, I believe if they got me mad enough I could take way more!

"To hell with morality, I'd be too busy pile-driving, crane-kicking, and bare-knuckle bashing them all the way back to kintergarten."
 
Posted by TrapperKeeper (Member # 7680) on :
 
ROAR!!! 31 five year olds!

I was totally willing to pick one up one of those little snots and toss it into the others too! Those little snots better be pretty ferocious!
 
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
 
I just love that it's fighting toddlers that's bringing everyone together in this holiday season... [Wink]
 
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
 
The secret is to poison their milk and cookies before the fight even starts, people. Sheesh!
 
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
 
That's why I love this place. There's some seriously evil genius floating around here at all times.
 
Posted by TrapperKeeper (Member # 7680) on :
 
I think they need to upgrade their hosting.
 
Posted by Mick from Mars (Member # 11347) on :
 
Definitely. I can't wait to find out how many children I could take. It's been keeping me up at night.
 
Posted by Launchywiggin (Member # 9116) on :
 
I've definitely thought about this before. I think we've already crossed the line, so I won't mind taking it a step further. Survival is an important thing to think about.

I think, with the right strategy of attack, I could go against an infinite number of 5 year olds if I had sustenance. The key would be to stack unconscious bodies around you to slow the swarm, eventually creating a fortress. 5 year olds are barely strong enough to lift their own weight, so a good-sized fortress would give time for sleep while they break down the fortress. As for the initial attack, I think simply jogging around the basketball court would be ideal for taking down as many as possible--the key is to keep moving--a stationary fight would leave you overwhelmed quickly. A knee to the head/chest area of a 5 year old would put them down (if not out), so a steady, controlled, knee-first jog would do the trick.

Now I would pose another question: How many 6-year old Ender Wiggins could you go up against? Given his size, I think he'd have me at 4. I could take 3, though.
 
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
 
quote:
Tag, didn't really work so they revised the rules which entailed that all of them would chase me, and if they caught me, they proceeded to beat on me. It was crazy hard to run, dodge, take down, and flee for 30 minutes straight, but those kids made me do it twice a day.
I hired a guy to help me run my Music Camp two years ago, and I don't know what it is about a willing participant in this, but all games soon devolved into this exact, um, game.

Eventually I banned it. It was getting too rough and my co-worker was actually experiencing pain- I didn't want any of the kids to get hurt, either. Also, we had my bosses watching from the building above, heh.

But would you believe it, it was the only thing they could remember at the end of the day and at the end of the camp. "What did you do?" "We beat up Peter!!!!11one"

And a year later, they were still remembering the same thing. Kids love it, because they don't get to run wild in packs anymore.
 
Posted by Fusiachi (Member # 7376) on :
 
Ok, I've not done the quiz just yet, but I'll give you my take on the issue...

The key is to terrify the kids so that they can't organize. The first few 5-year-olds need to be taken down brutally. No mercy. If 15 kids attack in unison, it could be tough to overcome... but if you scatter them a bit with fear, it's pretty much easy pickins.
 
Posted by Hank (Member # 8916) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Javert:
I just love that it's fighting toddlers that's bringing everyone together in this holiday season... [Wink]

Also, "The Fighting Toddlers" should be the name of our sports team, y'know...when we start one...
 
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Hank:
quote:
Originally posted by Javert:
I just love that it's fighting toddlers that's bringing everyone together in this holiday season... [Wink]

Also, "The Fighting Toddlers" should be the name of our sports team, y'know...when we start one...
The Hatrack River Fighting Toddlers...

I call team captain!
 
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Teshi:
quote:
Tag, didn't really work so they revised the rules which entailed that all of them would chase me, and if they caught me, they proceeded to beat on me. It was crazy hard to run, dodge, take down, and flee for 30 minutes straight, but those kids made me do it twice a day.
I hired a guy to help me run my Music Camp two years ago, and I don't know what it is about a willing participant in this, but all games soon devolved into this exact, um, game.

Eventually I banned it. It was getting too rough and my co-worker was actually experiencing pain- I didn't want any of the kids to get hurt, either. Also, we had my bosses watching from the building above, heh.

But would you believe it, it was the only thing they could remember at the end of the day and at the end of the camp. "What did you do?" "We beat up Peter!!!!11one"

And a year later, they were still remembering the same thing. Kids love it, because they don't get to run wild in packs anymore.

I'm sure my kids would have remember only that exact same thing. I mean as a little kid I would have attacked non stop any adult willing to repel my attack, toss me in the air, and somehow lay me on the ground without hurting me at all. Most of those kids I don't think ever had their parents pick them up from the moment they learned to walk on their own. It still surprises me how many children think it's so novel to have an adult play airplane with them.

Do parents not toss their kids around these days?
 
Posted by sylvrdragon (Member # 3332) on :
 
Woot, I could take 25. I think it's the "Moral compass" part that put me up there, as well as being able to answer yes about the swarm fighting (Starcraft ftw).
 
Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
 
The site is "temporarily disabled" so I didn't get my answer, but the questions fail to take into account my commanding voice and devastatingly intimidating raised eyebrow.

I have quelled whole classes of kindergartners without bothering leave my chair.
 
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
 
quote:
if I had sustenance.
Come on, we are talking 5 year old kids--human Veal if you will. Sustenance is not an issue.

Some call it bruising. I call it Tenderizing the meat.

Same for building a defensive structure. What else is rigor-mortise for?
 
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
 
Are you kidding me? Have you seen the size they're making kids these days? They're huge!
 
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
 
<quoteDo parents not toss their kids around these days?</quote>

My husband does with my daughter. But she weighs 35lbs so it's still do-able.

My 2 year old nephew hefts in at 45lbs (of solid muscle), though, and he wants Unka Woss to twow him up too, which verges on dangerous to my DH's continued good health.

Or maybe it's my continued good health. I about had a heart attack the first time I saw him do it.
 
Posted by Elmer's Glue (Member # 9313) on :
 
25! Now I have to go find a kindergarten class..
 
Posted by scholar (Member # 9232) on :
 
TrapperKeeper- I got 31 as well. When they asked if you feel comfortable using kids as weapons, I was confused as I thought it should be assumed.
 
Posted by Saephon (Member # 9623) on :
 
29. I love this thread. And CT's story absolutely made my day.


P.S. I really, really, really desire to make a flash game out of Launchywiggin's idea. Like Tower Defense, but with toddlers.
 
Posted by Mick from Mars (Member # 11347) on :
 
36.
Hell.
Yes.
Edit: I think my strategy would be to grab the tallest kid, then swing him or her around like a scythe, so that none could reach me. He/she can also be used as a projectile weapon (a la hammer throw).
 
Posted by Starsnuffer (Member # 8116) on :
 
Quote: The first few 5-year-olds need to be taken down brutally.

The mental images this created are horrifying. And the faces of the other children upon seeing those brutal take-downs are horrified.

Also- 29
 
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
 
21.

Kids are too cute to even jokingly say I'd massacre. Of course...after they ask for that sixth piggy back ride...my ability to deny the impulse to use one as a human nunchuk starts to fade.
 
Posted by The Reader (Member # 3636) on :
 
I can take 19 5-year-olds. Not good but not bad.

But I have a 56% chance of surviving a zombie attack.

When those five year olds have laser guns, martial arts skills, genius minds, and you are fighting them in zero gravity, you will be more willing to beat the up.

P.S., if any of us ever become politicians, this thread will bite us back so hard. [Evil]
 
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
 
23 for me. I think it's my height and reach that give me that much, but if it came down to it, I could probably handle a few more.
 
Posted by Starsnuffer (Member # 8116) on :
 
A realistic assessment
 
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
 
Five year olds? God, what a morbid concept. They're five. They're small, have little muscle mass, have small limbs and an inability to grip very hard. A savate practitioner or something equally at home in close-in impacts and whacks could take out far more than this test could effectively measure.

Also how does it matter how high you can kick. A measure of flexibility? You don't have to kick high to crack skulls in a fight versus endless five year olds.
 
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
 
Sigh. I'm overweight, have short arms and crappy balance. And some compunctions.

Only 8.
 
Posted by AvidReader (Member # 6007) on :
 
I got 19 5-year-olds (the morals did me in), a 51% chance of surving a zombie attack (if Chet goes, I'm done for), and my dead body would get my family just under $5,000. Woot!
 
Posted by The White Whale (Member # 6594) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Raia:
17. Alright.

Same. Alright.
 
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by jeniwren:
<quoteDo parents not toss their kids around these days?</quote>

My husband does with my daughter. But she weighs 35lbs so it's still do-able.

My 2 year old nephew hefts in at 45lbs (of solid muscle), though, and he wants Unka Woss to twow him up too, which verges on dangerous to my DH's continued good health.

Or maybe it's my continued good health. I about had a heart attack the first time I saw him do it.

That's what the pool is for. In the pool, husbands can throw kids half their body weight without bodily injury. [Big Grin]
 
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
 
31. Hell yeah.
 
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
 
I can take 31, but I'm upset that they didn't let me specify how I'd eliminate them.
 
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
 
28 kids, but 73% chance with the zombies.

I wonder how you would compute how many zombified kids you could take out?
 
Posted by ricree101 (Member # 7749) on :
 
24. The moral questions really were a limiting factor here, especially the unwillingness to eye gouge and the like. That said, the actual numbers seem like they'd be far more appropriate if these were 8-12 year olds instead. Five year olds are pretty weak any way you look at it, and once you eliminate the likelyhood of a groin shot I really can't imagine 24 of them being able to take me down if I was actually willing to fight them.
 
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by erosomniac:
I can take 31, but I'm upset that they didn't let me specify how I'd eliminate them.

Yeah--the real difference between a 5 year old and an aduly is the adult's ability to design and execute a complex plan. And I do mean execute.
 
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
 
33 five year olds. I'm an in shape swimmer/frisbee player who's play starcraft, had basic martial arts training and has no moral compass when it comes to survival [Big Grin]
 
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
25 5-year-olds
Drunkard
47%
 
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Noemon:
quote:
Originally posted by erosomniac:
I can take 31, but I'm upset that they didn't let me specify how I'd eliminate them.

Yeah--the real difference between a 5 year old and an aduly is the adult's ability to design and execute a complex plan. And I do mean execute.
Now who am I going to share these pretty drawings with? [Frown]
 
Posted by brojack17 (Member # 9189) on :
 
23. If only I had known this on Halloween. I could have wound up with a lot of candy.
 
Posted by Starsnuffer (Member # 8116) on :
 
psh. 5 year-olds don't hold too much candy... but I guess 23 of them might net you a fair haul.
 
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
 
13. And I fudged a little on how ruthless I would be. I'd probably try to reason with them, and then redirect their behavior to something more appropriate.

I'm like a living refutation of Darwin's theory of Survival of the Fittest.
 
Posted by calaban (Member # 2516) on :
 
22. 64% zombie survival.
 
Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :
 
I didn't take the test, but...I have trouble imagining why so many 5-year-olds are so willing to attack me all at the same time.

I can take hard hits fairly well, so toe-to-toe with people that size isn't a problem. Knocking me down won't work. I'll start biting whoever is close enough, and I'll bite hard enough to get them off of me.

OTOH, drug-crazed 5-year-olds might be a problem. They might not care if I bite off ears.

I would probably just outrun them all anyway. I'm pretty fast over a short distance, and have good wind for longer distances.
 
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
Oh no, 40% (at best) chance of surviving the zombies.

I'm doomed!

Im in yur cranium, eating yur brainz.
 
Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :
 
28 5-year-olds, 53% on the zombies. The zombies worry me a little more. Pressure point knockouts won't work on them, I'm guessing, and neither will pain-infliction techniques. Maybe at least they're blindable. If not, I mean, you can only run for so long. You have to take a breather sometime.
 
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
Not if you're a zombie!
 
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
 
23
 
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
 
I have a 20% chance of surviving a zombie attack.

Again, I'm like a living refutation of Darwin's theory of Survival of the Fittest.
 
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
 
It's good to know, though, that my dead body is worth $6190.
 
Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :
 
I'm refusing to click on Tante's dead body link. OK I give up. *clicks*

$4625.
 
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
$6725! w00t!

(Don't tell my sweetie.)
< .. <
> .. >
 
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese:
$6725! w00t!

(Don't tell my sweetie.)
< .. <
> .. >

I told him. He's pretty sure he'd get a little more than that for ya.
 
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
Ha!

Bless his heart, he's half blind.

(Hmmm. Does that go for more or less?)
 
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
 
For this 5 year old thing, I think everyone is forgetting that a 5 year old has teeth. Their punches and kicks may not be that effective, but their little chompers will take a chunk out of you if they get a chance. All they have to do is go for your legs, and no amount of "drop kicking" is going to help you.
 
Posted by Fusiachi (Member # 7376) on :
 
The first five year old to bite me gets his teeth knocked out, and that's only the beginning. We'll see how many decide to follow his heroic, yet ultimately foolish lead.

Edit to add: I hadn't read the setup of the situation on the quiz prior to posting. Thus, this post and my previous post are invalidated. Fear doesn't much help. That said, kids can't plan ahead, and you can objectively eliminate anyone who tries to organize. Unless Ender, Bean, and Co. are around, I'm not sure there's an upper bound. Knees and elbows.

[ December 16, 2007, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: Fusiachi ]
 
Posted by NotMe (Member # 10470) on :
 
I rate 31 5-year olds. Not bad. It really isn't hard to crush the ribcage of somebody that young. I'm also not at all worried about the teeth issue. I usually wear fairly heavy hiking boots and jeans, so any kid attacking me is going to get the wind knocked out of him before his teeth get anywhere close to hurting me.

Even though it would probably take more than one hit to truly knock out or kill a 5-year old, after one solid hit they are pretty much a dead weight, albeit with some ability to crawl. Once you get them in that state, I'd say just move away or trample them.

I also rate 76% chance of survival of a zombie attack.
 
Posted by krynn (Member # 524) on :
 
30 kids. man. thats all? i need to start working out more maybe. yes, this is my motivation that will finally get me back into the gym. The need to take more than 30 five year olds in a fight.
 
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
 
21. And I exaggerated my knowledge of martial arts.
 
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
Can I just say how much I love the fact that the ad at the bottom is for something called "kidcomplishment"?

I think I scored a 70% on the zombies (took it last week, and didn't make a point of remembering the score), but I probably lied about how much I'd do to try to help others, so I expect my actual score would be lower.
 
Posted by David G (Member # 8872) on :
 
I already know from personal experience that it takes just 3 5-year olds to kick my tuchus.
 
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
 
31, but only because I'm not willing to waste time with pile drivers and things. I'd do whatever was necessary to knock the kids out, then leave them be. No reason to waste energy on fancy-pants moves when a quick punch to the head will do.
 
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
 
I'd take the biggest kid and swing him around. Then everyone else would want me to do them, and then I'd probably die from exhaustion in about 45 minutes. That said, it gave me 25.

See, we have weekly training sessions called "tickle fights" where everyone in the family takes turns getting held down and tickled by everyone else. My brother says that's not really a "fight" per se. It started when we were on diets and couldn't have sweets for Family Home Evening.
 


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