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Banned from WalMart

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local WalMart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
9:10 PM
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
9:11 PM
6. August 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera a! nd used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"And last, but not least

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards, Tom Richards
Walmart Manager

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Posted by Mucus (Member # 9735) on :
 
Yep
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/spree.asp
 

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Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
 
I prefer to keep things simple:

Mis-shelfing one item of canned, potted or deviled meat.
 

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Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
 
I played Walmart hockey a few times, and laid on the floor and some woman told me to get up.

All that stuff sounds so fun.
 

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Posted by landybraine (Member # 10807) on :
 
This was originally done as a "How To Have Fun At Wal-Mart" bit, but I like the added story. I remember a bunch of highschool friends doing some of these things. We were so bored.
 

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Posted by SoaPiNuReYe (Member # 9144) on :
 
Yeah I've gotten banned from a couple Wal-Marts from #'s 13 and 15. They really hate teenagers over there.
 

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Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :
 
"Yeah I've gotten banned from a couple Wal-Marts from #'s 13 and 15."

I've managed to get through my entire life without ever being banned from anyplace.
 

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Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :
 
The pranks I saw played in Wal-Mart were a bit more...malicious. Like setting the timer on bug bombs and leaving them in refrigerators.

"Prank" is probably too weak a word for that.
 

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Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
 
Juxtapose: There's probably some legal phrase like "malicious destruction" for that.

Myself, I got kicked out from a class this semester, but it was more due to administrative failure than anything on my part.

Still sounds impressive.
 

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Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by steven:
I've managed to get through my entire life without ever being banned from anyplace.

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quote:

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Originally posted by SoaPiNuReYe:
Yeah I've gotten banned from a couple Wal-Marts from #'s 13 and 15. They really hate teenagers over there.

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I remember being in some Rite Aid-type store when I was in jr. high with a friend. We were opening shampoo bottles and sniffing them to decide which one we liked the fragrance of best, then replacing the caps and putting them back on the shelf.

Then along came a manager--red-faced, screaming and completely apoplectic. I don't remember what he said, something about being sick of us and we were sent running out of the store.

The thing was, one of us would probably have bought some shampoo. We weren't shoplifting or damaging property or bothering other customers.

To this day, I feel like I'm committing a crime if I want to know what the shampoo smells like before I buy it!
 

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Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
 
I was almost banned from an airline when I was 7... I wasn't in the end, and I have never been banned from anything either.
 

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Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
 
The only time I've managed to get banned from a store, it wasn't my fault. It was an Eagle Hardware & Garden (More of Everything!) and I was 9, and I had a broken foot. One of the employees thought it would be a good idea to let me use one of those powered shopping cart things, without explaining how to use it. The long and short of it is I crashed into a display of industrial light bulbs.

This ended up working in my favor, as my parents could never drag me with them to that god awful store again.
 

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Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
 
Back in my wild 20s I got banned from more than one Denny's...

For playing Magic: The Gathering.

We ate dinner there first, though and we tipped well. I don't know what they were so upset about. It's not like they had a line of people who couldn't get seated and we weren't that loud...
 

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Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
 
Uprooted:

I smell the shampoo first, too.
 

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Posted by Astaril (Member # 7440) on :
 
As a word of warning about smelling things, should you ever spend twenty minutes with a friend some night laughing at men's deodorant names and smelling every single one in the grocery store, and then at the end of it, you each pick one out that you think is nice and not too pungent, you ought to know that you'll find yourself very, very wrong the next morning.

Not that I learned that one the hard way or anything...
 

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Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
 
It's an amusing bit. I'm sure I've read it before. My father insists on sending me every last one of these kinds of e-mails AAARRRGHHHHH

Ahem. Excuse me. Ever felt like you needed to set up a spam filter for a relative?

I think, though, that if you're working at Wal-Mart, you have enough trouble without anyone else making more for you.

(Unless, perhaps, you're management. Then you may deserve everything on the list. But you know it's never management who ends up cleaning things like this up.)
 

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Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
 
I got banned from a former employer, but never from a store I don't think.

Not for lack of trying, mind you...
 

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Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by The Pixiest:
Back in my wild 20s I got banned from more than one Denny's...

For playing Magic: The Gathering.

We ate dinner there first, though and we tipped well. I don't know what they were so upset about. It's not like they had a line of people who couldn't get seated and we weren't that loud...

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Now now, you and I both know that nothing scares off business like a group of folks playing Magic: The Gathering. It's why malls have one dedicate shop for playing those games, and the nerds agree to stick to it.

I once incited a large scale brawl on the lazy river at Ocean Park in Hong Kong. We just started flipping people on tubes and swimming away, and after a few minutes everybody was splashing and throwing inner tubes at each other, but in a friendly manner. In retrospect I can see how that would supremely irk me if some kid did that to me these days.
 

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Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
 
My friends and I used to play with all the sports equipment in K-Mart, Walmart, and Target whenever we got bored. We never broke anything, and we always left before they had to kick us out.

I don't see anything wrong with playing dodgeball in a K-Mart for 10 minutes to decide if you really want to buy that red rubber ball for $0.98
 

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Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
I have a panic attack if I go underwater unexpectedly. As in, I like to swim, and will happily jump into the deep end myself, but if someone picks me up and throws me in I come up hyperventilating, trembling, and crying. So if a stranger flipped my tube on that sort of a ride I would have serious problems.

It likely has something to do with getting flipped from a tube in the rapids on a river when I was about 12, almost drowning (someone pulled me out or I would have) and breaking my knee.

Anyway, my point is that kids are really stupid, because you never know when someone is going to have a reaction like that, or even more serious.
 

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Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
As I recall, when acting silly*** with my friends, what we imagined older people were thinking of us (how strange and interesting, how radically weird, how artistic) was very different than what they likely were (how tiresome and needy for attention).

I think I picked up on this much quicker than most of my friends. The risks of something negative like what ElJay noted were too high, and the imagined positives weren't really there.

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NB: *** for clarity: not really referring to anything described above, as we did different things

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Edited again to add:

quote:

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Originally posted by Sterling:
I think, though, that if you're working at Wal-Mart, you have enough trouble without anyone else making more for you.

(Unless, perhaps, you're management. Then you may deserve everything on the list. But you know it's never management who ends up cleaning things like this up.)

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