It isn't true that this community cannot tolerate a thread made specifically for the purpose of mocking one of its members.
Let me begin!
For all my propaganda about my glorious, muscled apathy, I sure do check this forum a lot. Hypocrite? Oh, boy, you really have no idea.
I mean, how much self-loathing can one man possibly bear? I'm Mormon (guilt), I'm white (angst), I'm a Gen-X'r (more angst), I'm a choir nerd (socially confused), and I'm a writer (guilt, angst, confusion, and EGO).
Writer? Hah! For all my talk about clarity, I'm the consummate literary elitist. I make a point of switching between first and third person in many of my stories for no real apparent reason! Furthermore, stylistically, my stories are heavier than James Joyce. I'm not making this up. James Joyce came to me in a dream and said, "Dude. There's such a thing as plot. You might want to add some to your ramblings. You know, so that it could possibly be considered a 'story.'"
I don't really like anyone, but I OFTEN lament the fact that people aren't kind to one another. Hypocrisy, thy name is...well, Scott.
Scott R, I mock you! Openly, and with much derision!
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Posted by prolixshore (Member # 4496) on :
When I write, I often use the 3rd person even though 1st person would make more sense, just to be difficult. The last email I wrote contained an "Author's Note" explaining that it was written that way.
And I'm not even and author!
To top it all off, I constantly ridicule and belittle the inability of others to make proper use of the English language to convey a written thought.
I am a hypocrite.
Scott - You don't like anyone? I don't like anyone either! How great.
--ApostleRadio
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
Sorry, is this the self-mocking thread? I was looking for the insult thread.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Your mother is a blackberry witch.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
lol
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Stop trying to make me feel better. I don't deserve it.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Awwww... ((Scott))
I'm a recovering Catholic, white, 31, and a choir nerd... I can relate to guilt too.
Maybe I should be standing and announcing my name...
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
HEY!
Personal space, bub!
I swear, if I weren't so scared of male to male emotional displays, and also of physical altercation, I'd punch you in the nose.
But that'd make me feel guilty and angsty, and would prove what I've known for a long time about myself-- I'm a patriarchal autocrat whose penchant for violence is only kept in check by an enforced artificial morality!
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Not to mention parading your fantasy life in front of everyone, and having the audacity to call it fiction and try to get people to buy it. Geesh!
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
What's even worse, what is truly scummy about me-- despite my protestations to the contrary, this thread is really only feeding my desire for recognition.
No matter how despicable I am; no matter how self-deprecating, I know, deep down inside, that I'm a fantastic human being.
(And I'm going to let YOU know too.)
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
Scott is also too cheap to own his own car, and ferries about on the charity of strangers.
TIS TRUE TIS TRUE!
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
ScottR is a bigot and one of the most socially irresponsible people I know.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
quote:Scott is also too cheap to own his own car, and ferries about on the charity of strangers.
Oh, it's much worse than that: I DO actually own my own car, and it's a small, gas-efficient vehicle.
Instead of selflessly using that vehicle to transport others in an ecological and safe manner, I wantonly go about, evilly riding with owners of less efficient vehicles. I'm a moocher with no real need to mooch!
quote:ScottR is a bigot and one of the most socially irresponsible people I know.
Heck, yes. See above. I also drink water from public water fountains, depriving others of valuable public medications.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
And the R after his first name? You know what that stands for, don't you?
pRetentious
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Also, wRong.
And stupideR.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I understand that Scott's real name is Steve.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
You're the reason Hillary won Pennsylvania, you baster.
Posted by lem (Member # 6914) on :
quote: (guilt, angst, confusion, and EGO)
*give in to the emo inside you...give in....ooooo*
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I think emo people are generally harmless.
I have it on good authority that I'm a menace to society.
Posted by Mucus (Member # 9735) on :
<anonymous crew member on the Nimbus> You suck!
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Had I been naming this thread, I'd have called it "The Scottlebutt".
Coincidentally, it's also what Scott would have named it himself, were he more clever.
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
I'd comment on how I really feel about Scott R, but I'd really like to continue being able to post on Hatrack in the future.
Hatrack is a nice place, despite Scott R mucking about.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by Scott R: I'm Mormon (guilt)
Pfft.
Amateurs.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I feel sorry for you if this is the only way you can get attention. And pity, and some contempt. *shakes head sadly*
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
My only hope is that your contempt outweighs your pity.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
quote:Originally posted by rivka:
quote:Originally posted by Scott R: I'm Mormon (guilt)
Pfft.
Amateurs.
That's like saying Linux is an 'amateur' when compared to a really ancient computing schema-- like the abacus.
Crap. I can't even do analogies well.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
"Hurt me," says the masochist.
"No," says the sadist.
My pity outweighs my contempt.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Have you ever seen someone who really knows how use an abacus?
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
No. In addition to being pathetic, I don't actually believe that abacusses exist.
I don't need to support my claim. I feel it in my soul, and therefore, you should too.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I've heard master abacus users can beat people with calculators.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Yup. I've seen it done.
Scott, I don't want to feel your soul. I know where it's been.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Only 'cuz they also know kung fu.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I'm saddened that there are people in this world as self-deluding as I am.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
That sadness only compounds my pity.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
quote:I've heard master abacus users can beat people with calculators.
It's not too hard to beat people with calculators, especially if they're large and heavy ones like TI-85s.
Posted by The Principal (Member # 5721) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jon Boy: [QUOTE]... especially if they're large and heavy ones like TI-85s.
5 Geek Points to Jon Boy.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The top ten things that Scott feels guilty about.
10)If a butterfly's wings can cause a Hurricane, then Scott knows his undignified hand gesture during a moment of road rage led directly to Katrina.
9) One of Scott's ancestors did something terrible to gain the woman he wed. Scott is the end result of that something terrible. What that something terrible was is so terrible that his family has completely covered it up and Scott can not find any trace of it, but its true.
8) Each time Scott passes gas, just to ease his own discomfort, more green-house gases are admitted into the environment.
7) Scott never took the time and effort to simply hunt down and assassinate Osama Bin Laden before 9/11, and for that so many have suffered.
6) That paper he bought to write those "Thank You" notes on--came from what once was Amazon Rain Forests.
5) Ooops, where did he put those "Thank You" notes anyway. They never did get mailed. Worthless ungrateful Scott.
4) Over 1 million people have died and gone to Hell because Scott did not personally knock on their doors and convert them.
3) Scott ate meat that was once a living breathing creature, and it must have died in a truly horrible and ironic way, since everything Scott touches and has died, did so in a truly horrible and ironic way.
2) Scott didn't watch enough Serenity, so Fox canceled it.
1) I was so busy writing about Scotts faults that I didn't do my work. Shame on you. Shame. Shame, stopping me from getting work done.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:Originally posted by advice for robots: I've heard master abacus users can beat people with calculators.
Sure, at basic arithmetic.
But I bet I can calculate the natural log of 142,512,843 with my calculator faster than any abacus user can. Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I'm so evil, the top 10 list above really starts at -1 and goes to -10.
I'm that evil.
Posted by Achilles (Member # 7741) on :
*Is disappointed that Scott uses such a useless term to define himself as "evil"*
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
quote:Only 'cuz they also know kung fu.
quote:It's not too hard to beat people with calculators, especially if they're large and heavy ones like TI-85s.
Like flies to honey.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dan_raven: 2) Scott didn't watch enough Serenity, so Fox canceled it.
Given the fact that "Serenity" was never a television show, this is especially impressive.
Posted by Regina (Member # 11586) on :
Woah. As a Newbie, I only have Scott to blame that I don't understand half of what is being posted here.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
quote:Originally posted by Regina: Woah. As a Newbie, I only have Scott to blame that I don't understand half of what is being posted here.
And as long as Scott is here that ratio will NEVER increase, he is that opaque.
Also his name uses a perfectly good vowel that would be better placed elsewhere!
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
There are only 4 in jokes on this thread.
Blackberry Witch ((Scott)) My method of commuting My apathy
I'm such a poor communicator, n00bs can't understand me.
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
Huh?
Posted by Achilles (Member # 7741) on :
*Hates Scott for not listing the eslaine/celia evil connotation*
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
quote: Originally posted by Dan_raven: 2) Scott didn't watch enough Serenity, so Fox canceled it.
Given the fact that "Serenity" was never a television show, this is especially impressive.
Why Scott? Why did you cause me to make that blunder?
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:Given the fact that "Serenity" was never a television show, this is especially impressive.
Non-sense. The premier episode of of Firefly was called Serenity. Scott could have watched that episode over and over again if had been truly dedicated. What's more, it's possible to watch the ship "Serenity" in every episode.
I suspect that Scott both missed the premier and closed his eyes during every second in which either the inside or outside of Serenity appeared in firefly. How could you expect FOX to continue a show when Scott was resolutely closing his eyes through most of the show.
This went beyond mere negligence on Scott's part. I wasn't just like he didn't hear about Firefly or that he was too busy to watch or that he forgot about it. This was an act of well planned civil disobedience designed to bring FOX to the knees.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
I don't get the blackberry witch thing, but I suspect I'm better off.
Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :
This thread is fantastic.
Except for...ahem...certain portions.
Posted by Achilles (Member # 7741) on :
Scott is fantastic even when he's not.
I hate that.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Scott is detestable even when he's likable. Its very unnerving.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I pirated all my copies of Firefox.
I mean, Firefly.
Posted by Achilles (Member # 7741) on :
Copyright infringer.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Go ahead. Lord that website and your published works over us.
You disgust me.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Of course I do! That's the point! Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Because you don't DO anything!
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Except whine.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Even the bees hate you, since you couldn't manage them properly.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Egads! Now I know what's happening to the bees! Just because you couldn't keep them well doesn't mean you have to cause all the colonies to collapse!
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Yes it does.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Blackberry Witch:
Egads, He's a closet scientologist!!!
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Many of Scott's clothes have recently come out of the closet. However Scott hasn't allowed some of his most ugly outfits to come out in years.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:However Scott hasn't allowed some of his most ugly outfits to come out in years.
You mean he has stuff that's actually uglier than what he wears?
That's scary.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I give all the money I get from doing audits to the Center for Disease Proliferation.
I deliberately wear ill-fitting sweatsuits, polyester bowling shoes, and a bandana do-rag, and walk in front of Stacy London. Her cries of horror make a pleasing noise unto mine ears.
I don't like kitten's.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Scott is the secret force behind the popularity of Paris Hilton.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Scott edited Star Wars so Han shot second.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
And I talked Lucas into giving Jar-Jar a bigger part in Ep.1.
I'm on Nicole Ritchie's speed dial for financial and personal advice.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
That makes you look good, Scott - she's doing well financially and her personal life is going fine.
I know the truth. You're actually the life coach for Lindsay Lohan.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Ha. Goes to show what you know.
Lindsey Lohan thought I wasn't sober enough to be her life coach.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Scott is actually the person who called TCPS claiming he was a pregnant, abused 16 year old polygamist wife. He can do a pretty convincing imitation of a 16 year girl when he speaks in falsetto.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Scott designed Windows ME.
Scott told Cassius to take on the Parthians.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I not only designed ME, I continue to use it.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Saddam's WMDs are in Scott's basement. That's not as evil as promoting Jar-Jar though.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:Originally posted by Morbo: Saddam's WMDs are in Scott's basement.
I just don't see how Scott could fit Saddam's WMD's in his basement with the 100 Uranium centrifuges he's building for the Iranians.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Scott's basement is bigger on the inside.
But he is not the Doctor.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
quote:Originally posted by Scott R: I don't like kitten's.
Well, duh. No one doe's. And you're too despicable for Chuck Norris to defend, but too lame for him to fight.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I make Chuck Norris cry, and then don't share his tears with anyone.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit: He can do a pretty convincing imitation of a 16 year girl when he speaks in falsetto.
That's not a falsetto. When he does a falsetto, he sounds more like a 4-year-old girl.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:Originally posted by katharina: Scott's basement is bigger on the inside.
But he is not the Doctor.
Great, so now he's expanded his basement so far he's undermining foundations in half the neighborhood.
Don't say I didn't tell you so, when your neighbors grand piano crashes down on your little mining operation
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
Scott's heart is a mini-black hole that will eventually consume the entire universe into a very bland and depressed singularity who spends every Saturday night hoping to get lucky at the local Singularity Bar, and ends up going home with some ugly nebula from which it contracts yet another STD (Stellar-ly Transmitted Disease).
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
The amusing thing is that underneath all the falsetto bravado, Scott is utterly, underwhelmingly prosaic.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
My prosaicness is poetical.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
But never, ever noetical.
Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :
His Prosaicness is on Prozac.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Neither nautical nor optical, Optimal or hospitable;
But hostile!
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
ppfff!
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
quote:Originally posted by katharina: Scott designed Windows ME.
No, no, no... he designed Microsoft Bob.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Which means that, by extension, Scott is responsible for Comic Sans.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Oh, the horror!
Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :
ScottR=Funny
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit:
quote:Originally posted by katharina: Scott's basement is bigger on the inside.
But he is not the Doctor.
Great, so now he's expanded his basement so far he's undermining foundations in half the neighborhood.
Don't say I didn't tell you so, when your neighbors grand piano crashes down on your little mining operation
If Scott's basement is bigger on the inside than the outside, then he's undermining the very foundations of the Universe. And it's a neighboring Universe's Grand Unified Theory of Everything that's going to come crashing down on all of us.
All that for a little more storage space--I mean, that's just selfish.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
When I grill for the neighborhood, I put cheese on the inside of the hamburgers so my Jewish neighbors don't know until it's too late.
I mix everclear with my green-jello-and-carrot recipes for Mormon potlucks.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Groovy idea, the everclear.
What awful thing do you do to green eggs and ham?
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I mix them with a fox, I put them in a box. I grind it all with mouse And barge into your house.
Eat them, eat them, I implore Eat them up! I will make more!
And in the dark, or on a plane, Eat them, or I'll cause you pain!
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
OWWW!
I'me eating, as fast as I can!
you evil man . . .
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Don't be intimidated, Shan.
Scott R is a quivering pool of sentimentality wrapped inside a gooey mix of bougie tastes, false southern charm and middlebrow Mormonism all coated with a thin veneer of what appears to be a complex dark bitter chocolate but is actually waxy, stale, slightly-sweetened carob.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Scott is not the Anti-Christ,
but he is Anti-climactic, Anti-American Anti-health care for children. and once threw Auntie M into a Twister. (and her little dog Toto too).
He also shot Uncle
because Scott believes that with great powers comes great responsibilities, but since Scott has no power, he can be totally irresponsible.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
That rotten Toto! He totally cheats at Twister!
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
Scott released the rabid wolf that bit Old Yeller.
He stomped all over the tobacco crop and blamed it on the Yearling.
And he modified all the patients meds in The Awakenings which is why they really fell back asleep.
He's a right cheeky fellow.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Scott shot Batman's parents,
blew up Krypton,
ran Project X,
destroyed the rest of the Super Soldier Serum after shooting its creator,
and is personally behind every Retcon since 1978.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I'm behind the whole 'Brand New Day,' thing, specifically.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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