I'll just go ahead and offer warning for those who'd rather not discuss adult topics: this thread contains them.
My girlfriend and I had sex last night with out a condom. I didn't ejaculate and she's on the pill, but this morning she realized that she forgot to take her pill last night. She took it as soon as she woke up (at around 10 am, she usually tries to take it around 10 - 12 pm).
We've been trying to convince ourselves that since I didn't ejaculate we should be fine, but we both know I leak a little. She's about two days out from her period according to the pill packet. The last five days or so she's remembered to take her pill on time, but before that it wasn't unusual for her to forget to take it at night and then take it the next morning.
My question is, how worried should we be? Do we need to go get a day after pill, or should she be alright as long as she finishes out her pill packet on schedule?
Posted by Lanfear (Member # 7776) on :
So.. your a new member who knows what a mayfly is.
Why were you too embarrassed to use your real account?
Couldn't be Blayne...
Why not just not have sex until your ready for children?
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
When you say "two days out," do you mean "two days since it stopped" or "two days till it should start"? Either way you're likely safe, since it's unlikely (though not impossible) she'd ovulate that soon after ending menses, and with only two days until her period, it'd be nigh impossible for a fertilized ovum to emplant. I know less about the effect the pill has, though, so someone else would have to weigh in, there.
So, all things combined, I would guess your risk is pretty low. But as a disclaimer, I am NOT a doctor, just someone who's been reading about fertility lately. (If I've got stuff wrong and an actual medico wants to correct me, please do.)
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
Unless you'd ejaculated sometime in the last day or so beforehand, your 'leaking' didn't contain any sperm. And even if you did, it didn't contain much.
Of course, there's still a possibility of pregnancy, but it isn't very large. I would mostly be worried that your girlfriend is not very good at taking the pill regularly, in a general sense, and suggest that you continue using condoms as long as you can't rely on her to use her birth control properly. Indeed, that she isn't good about that suggests you both need to think through how prepared you are for sex.
edit: I realized I should clarify something. The pill is not a get out of pregnancy for a day card. It is only fully effective if used correctly, which means taking it at almost the same time every day. Messing up a day here and a day here will drastically reduce the effectiveness of the pill, even if it is taken at the 'right time' on the day there's sex.
Posted by Mucus (Member # 9735) on :
According to this, it seems like it depends on the type of pill
quote:So.. your a new member who knows what a mayfly is.
Why were you too embarrassed to use your real account?
Couldn't be Blayne...
Why not just not have sex until your ready for children?
I'm a regular member trying to protect the privacy of my significant other.
quote:When you say "two days out," do you mean "two days since it stopped" or "two days till it should start"?
She has two days worth of medicated pills in her pill packet before she hits the reminder pills meant for during her period.
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
quote:Originally posted by fugu13: Of course, there's still a possibility of pregnancy, but it isn't very large. I would mostly be worried that your girlfriend is not very good at taking the pill regularly, in a general sense, and suggest that you continue using condoms as long as you can't rely on her to use her birth control properly. Indeed, that she isn't good about that suggests you both need to think through how prepared you are for sex.
I didn't think of this before, but it's a good point. And I mean that with all well-intentioned concern for the health and security of you both.
Posted by Anon (Member # 11919) on :
We do normally use condoms even though she's on the pill. In the four months since she went on birth control, this was our first exploration of doing it without a condom.
quote: I would mostly be worried that your girlfriend is not very good at taking the pill regularly, in a general sense, and suggest that you continue using condoms as long as you can't rely on her to use her birth control properly. Indeed, that she isn't good about that suggests you both need to think through how prepared you are for sex.
Point taken. We are and have been considering that, and considering ways of making sure she doesn't forget (or whether we want to switch birth control methods).
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
If nothing else I hope you learned your lesson. I have no problems with sex before marriage, I do have problems with stupid sex before marriage. If you are not yet ready to buy an engagement ring, why were you ready to increase the risk of pregnancy? My wife and I stayed on a condom and a pill from juniors in college through the first year of marriage 5 years later.
In fact now that we are talking about children, her doctor wants us back on the condom for two months after she stops the pill. Something to do with making the conception date easier to track down.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
"In fact now that we are talking about children, her doctor wants us back on the condom for two months after she stops the pill. Something to do with making the conception date easier to track down."
No kidding? This isn't about the doctor having a vacation planned approximately 9 months after your wife is going to stop taking the pill?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Didn't we have a thread where someone linked to "how to use the regular bcp as emergency contraception?" It was the one about using emergency contraception because someone had an oops on vacation. If you remember that one.
Posted by Armoth (Member # 4752) on :
Not that I have sex before marriage, but I don't understand why ppl are responding with their moral lessons.
The first thing they teach about spreading a moral lesson is NOT to preach. Also, it isn't wise to provide disincentives for someone to turn to you with a serious situation.
There are two people who are scared right now, and they come here for information to make a responsible decision. Lecturing is only going to make people not want to come here the next time they have such a struggle. No?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:Originally posted by Armoth: Not that I have sex before marriage, but I don't understand why ppl are responding with their moral lessons.
The first thing they teach about spreading a moral lesson is NOT to preach. Also, it isn't wise to provide disincentives for someone to turn to you with a serious situation.
There are two people who are scared right now, and they come here for information to make a responsible decision. Lecturing is only going to make people not want to come here the next time they have such a struggle. No?
I was just gonna say the same thing.
We had a previous thread that I just referenced where the majority of people were civil and informative, no matter what they thought of the situation. Can we do that again please?
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
I'm mostly a lurker, Armoth, so we won't have talked, but I wanted to say I like your style.
Posted by Armoth (Member # 4752) on :
Thanks! :-)
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
quote:Originally posted by scifibum: No kidding? This isn't about the doctor having a vacation planned approximately 9 months after your wife is going to stop taking the pill?
Too funny! I'll have to bring that up. He would have to be pretty good to manage the timetables of ALL of his patients thoguh.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Anon, the insert that comes with the pills will probably have information on what to do if you've missed a pill, depending on the circumstances. In the future, if missing pills is a problem, your girlfriend might want to look into other drug delivery methods, such as a patch or the NuvaRing.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
I agree that we should stop moralizing at the OP and start emphasizing. Sex happens.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
Congrats on getting some action!
I like to look on the bright side of things. Also, you may want to call your doctor or perhaps nurses help line, something like that, where you can get specific medical advice based on the type of pill she's taking.
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
quote:Originally posted by (Probably) Anon:
quote:Originally posted by scifibum: No kidding? This isn't about the doctor having a vacation planned approximately 9 months after your wife is going to stop taking the pill?
Too funny! I'll have to bring that up. He would have to be pretty good to manage the timetables of ALL of his patients thoguh.
Did you intend to break your Anon-ymity there? If not, suggest you delete your post.
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
KoM: Stephan's a different poster, who responded to Anon and mentioned a situation of his own (and is married, unlike the OP).
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Why do you think the post is from Anon? The guy who posted your quoted post mentions his wife, and Anon has a girlfriend. Unless you know something Anon's relationships that I don't...
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
Yeah, at this point I would be thrilled to find my girl pregnant. Playing the waiting game isn't much fun when you are ready. (She is also on some migraine meds the doctors want out of her system.)
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
quote:Originally posted by Stephan:
quote:Originally posted by scifibum: No kidding? This isn't about the doctor having a vacation planned approximately 9 months after your wife is going to stop taking the pill?
Too funny! I'll have to bring that up. He would have to be pretty good to manage the timetables of ALL of his patients thoguh.
Actually it's pretty common for obstetricians to try to schedule things to their own convenience, much to the outrage of advocates of natural childbirth. You're right, it'd be very hard to schedule every patient, but I've seen several examples where an OB schedules an induction for two weeks prior to the due date, and the only conceivable reason I have been able to think of is the OB wants to do something else the week the baby is due, but doesn't want to miss out on getting paid for the delivery. (And it's quite comical to watch nurses urge women to please not push the crowning baby until the doctor arrives to catch it [and his paycheck] as has happened with two of our three kids.)
Getting the migraine meds out of her system sounds like a better reason to hold off on trying to get pregnant, though.
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
Frankly, if someone comes to you for advice when they are doing something you believe to be very dangerous and you fail to point out how dangerous it is, that's not very nice and pretty irresponsible. Sort of like going to the dentist for a filling and having the dentist say "You know, you should floss more or you'll get more cavities." It's certainly better if the dentist says it in a friendly, non-preachy way, but the dentist would be doing you a disservice if he never mentioned that advice. Assuming the patient can figure it out on his own might make the conversation easier and less offensive, but it's nevertheless an unhelpful assumption to make.
Posted by theresa51282 (Member # 8037) on :
I am not a doctor and can only share my own experiences. When I was thinking about getting pregnant I stopped taking my pills and my husband and I did the pull and pray method. I did not get pregnant for the 6 or so months we did this and did get pregnant the first month we stopped so I would say for us it was at least a bit effective. I will caution that if nothing happens this time it becomes easier to believe it will never happen and to continue to take risks. This is almost a sure way to have an unplanned pregnancy so I hope you can find something that works for you more effectively.
As for forgetting to take her pills, a lot of my friends use a cell phone alarm set for the same time every day as a reminder. BTW the morning after pill is most effective taken asap post unprotected sex so if you feel that is a route you want to take don't delay.
Posted by MattP (Member # 10495) on :
quote:Frankly, if someone comes to you for advice when they are doing something you believe to be very dangerous and you fail to point out how dangerous it is, that's not very nice and pretty irresponsible.
Good point.
Tres: I think it is dangerous and irresponsible for you to suggest moralizing to someone who is seeking help with a difficult situation. I fear that in doing so that you are likely to cause future people in similar situations to avoid seeking help for fear that they will be criticized for their behavior rather than helped with their immediate problem, particularly given the various social and moral stigmas surrounding this topic.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I want to just say I appreciate the efforts anon and his girlfriend to be responsbile about their sexual activity - I wish all young people (Anon, I'm assuming you are young, at least younger than me!) did the same.
While I personally would prefer my kids not have sex before they get married, I am realistic enough to know that many, many people do engage in premarital sex. The important thing is keeping yourself safe and healthy. Pregnancy is not the only worry with unprotected sex, after all.
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
Pre-ejaculate, a.k.a. pre-cum, usually only contains residual clusters of sperm from previous ejaculations, or trace 'leakage' from the testes. It poses a risk of fertilization, but not much of one. The risk is significantly decreased if you've urinated prior to sex.
Unless the girl is reliably committed to using the pill properly and has demonstrated this, you should continue to use secondary birth control. I'm assuming that there's little assumed risk of STD transmission, so the use of a diaphragm would be absolutely fine and wouldn't interfere with sensation. My advice would be to go get tested for any possible STD's — even if the risk is minimal, it's just good practice and a good example to set! — and get fit for a diaphragm.
If you wish to continue using condoms, I'm going to recommend you try out polyisoprene, which is the first condom I have found which is decidedly superior to latex.
Short copy of %ages: with proper use of the pill and the use of a barrier contraceptive, risk of pregnancy is essentially nil. Proper use of the pill makes it nearly but not completely nil. Improper use of the pill makes it not comfortably outside the realm of probability. Pre-ejaculate after a prior ejaculation will have some sperm but the risk of pregnancy is minimal. Pre-ejaculate without prior ejaculation in a while, or after urination, is much more extraordinarily minimal. All situations present a degree of risk, even if they are fractions of a fraction of a percent.
Lastly, a question: how confident are you that you are using condoms correctly? You doing everything from the pinch onward?
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
quote:Tres: I think it is dangerous and irresponsible for you to suggest moralizing to someone who is seeking help with a difficult situation. I fear that in doing so that you are likely to cause future people in similar situations to avoid seeking help for fear that they will be criticized for their behavior rather than helped with their immediate problem, particularly given the various social and moral stigmas surrounding this topic.
I understand the fear of making people afraid to ask for advice, but I don't think that's caused by pointing out when someone is doing something dangerous. Rather, I think it is caused by making that point in the wrong way - by doing it in a way that casts judgment upon them as a person or makes them feel ashamed. I think the correct way to do it is to do it in a way that expresses true concern for them and demonstrates trust in them to choose for themselves what's best.
[ January 17, 2009, 01:10 AM: Message edited by: Tresopax ]
Posted by AvidReader (Member # 6007) on :
First, Anon, you're probably fine. Even with no protection at all, you'd have a very small chance of anything happening.
Second, have you two discussed what you'd do if something went wrong and she did become pregnant? My now-husband and I just figured we'd get married and keep the baby. A friend of mine had an abortion. Whatever you think is the right course of action, it'd probably be less scary if you have a back-up plan ready to go.