quote:

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Do you do anything other than show up in the threads of people you don't like and run them down for reasons that have nothing to do with the thread at hand?

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I can say, no. A quick look at my posting history shows that indeed, this is an accurate summarization of 100% of my posting history, with no deviation. It would have been impossible to estimate otherwise, what with not even 1% (much less 93.35%!) of my posts being informative, constructive and/or relevant. Your bafflement at my simplicity is definitely well-founded, as the way in which I have responded to a Danlo thread is strikingly emblematic of the totality of my posting history.

A reasonable person would have been led to believe that this uniform, unerring bloc of reliable — dare we say, pathological? — sark in response to confusing threads with links that provide no context, nor any compelling reason why to click on them, nor any information on exactly how to navigate what is on the other end of this link, is the result of a sort of critical developmental deficiency, perhaps neglect or trauma experienced as a child.

Modern science would first attempt to judge, based on the posting history represented thusly, whether or not it gives a fair indication of a deviation from healthy mental patterns to the extent that it can be judged a personality disorder, of which several exist that are applicable to such a simultaneously baffling and static behavioral pattern.

Psychological classifications such as Histrionic — 301.50 in the DSM-IV-TR — may be accurate, if not perhaps convoluted from clear diagnosis by the presence of other disorders such as borderline personalities and the perennial favorites of narcissism and sociopathy. Between the correlations, however, likely lie multiple diagnosis.

Of course, one might give pause and wonder whether or not such a diagnosis is right. The totality of the reliability by which the judgment rendered on the posts is not in question; indeed 'show[ing] up in the threads of people you don't like' is absolutely assured in all cases, and I have never appeared ever in any thread that features an original poster that I hold anything but the most complete and total disdain for. This is further cemented by the fact that 100% of the content of all of my posts is, predictably, running them down, in manners which consistently defy any connection whatsoever to the subject, the subject being defined either as 1. the thread-originating topic defined and given direction by the originating post, or 2. the divergent subject or expanded context of the point in time at which the post is present.

Seeing, then, that the core fundamentals of the behavioral tendencies and observations are without error, it gives a fair basis for the notion that expanded diagnosis and viable, approvable cause for disdain and summation of my eminently defamable character exist rooted in exegetical analysis of my posting.

Tenuously, one might approve a recommendation for a sort of an intervention in the hopes of curing me of these terrible tendencies. State-based options appear to have grounding and support from all those who tend anywhere short of the extremes on the continuums of approval of social means of control of the individual. There are many ethical grounds by which this would be approved; some approve it based on the vain hope of offering me a chance at reform, while others seek it to further punitive ends and to save future threads from the scourge of my posting, and — in so doing — defend innocent posters from the wrath of my consistent dysfunction.

In such a utopia, a 'Post-Samprimian' era of the forum, the best (and only the most approvable!) social characteristics of the community would flourish. Gone would be the days of drama and regret, replaced by a panacea wherein none would comment on the degradation of posting accord. Old feuds would end in the stunning light of my removal. Where before the frequent charge of 'this forum used to be better' would taint the heart of forum positivity, instead would be a universal consensus that not only is the forum experiencing its best period ever, but that hatrack had been empowered by my removal to the extent that it was experiencing the most positive era known by any community since the inception of the internet.

Nevertheless, the forum's more pragmatic members, though equally in the thrall of the forum's paradisaical bliss, would give careful study to the implications of my possible return. A sort of empirical study of the probability of an almost Eschatological event. The forum had become a great place, but with the removal of all conflict had come the loss of any and all capacity to deal with conflict. A world without sark, scorn, or sardonicism had bred an infinite and placid vulnerability to the (presently unknown) horrors of old. Indeed, it had become beyond the capacity of the forum's dwellers to understand or react to even moderate sarcasm, without the loss of one's sanity, as such had been the totality of the perfection of the new world.

Given a set amount of time, some would reason, the loss of any built-up and residual defense against my horrific countenance — a kind of softness inspired by a world which knows no pain, no loss, and no hostility — would make my return the most disastrous event ever suffered. But what could these people do? As time went on, surely the complacency with the perfection of their idyllic and assuaging forum would slowly eradicate all worry from their mind.

Invariably, the return would occur. Like a prophecy foretold in the earliest lines of a grim Greek tragedy, like a fate bemoaned by the ignored Chorus, Samprimary would return. He would alight a darkened hoof upon a world that had seen naught but a totality of peace and accord, the odor of brimstone coming up in a tuft of burning earth. Before me, I would see a world devoid of balance. A land where accord is meaningless without discord, life meaningless without death, good meaningless without evil, happiness meaningless without pain, proposting meaningless without the Lulz. A world that would too late understand that it was reliant upon the very cataclysmic fakeposting that they loathed. Two sides of the same coin; they had lost the negative space I was comprised of, that gave the portrait of Hatrack context.

Nigh onto the world was a time of great torment, and culling. Madness would ensue. A dark, tremulous energy would ripple across the land, perhaps even arcing up into the heavens to give pause to the Mods themselves. The first show of my dark powers would have been anticipated to be a maximal show of strength, but strength has no context in a world that is as vulnerable to the lightest touch as it is to the mightiest. All I would have to do would be to imply even the slightest hint of disdain, a lack of maximal seriousness and accord to the discussion at hand, to evoke madness. A simple phonetic misspelling of a word. A postmodern use of grammar through purposeful and emphasized decapitalization of the pronoun "I." A puff of wind can fell a house of cards as readily as Mjolnir.

The cry was as instantaneous as it was horrific. A world that had been deprived of Samprimary for so long was as able to comprehend fakeposting as a character in a Lovecraft novel would be able to comprehend the mentality of Azathoth or Hastur without snapping his mind like a dry, brittle twig.

Here, the veil would be pierced and before them they would see a land of horror, but it was not just the unfixed hideousness of Samprimary that beseiged them. The veil had exposed the darkness in their own hearts; in a land of perfect accord, all viewpoints, even the most insipid and tiresome, even the most batty and contemptible were effectively given equal grounding among a community with no rejection or disdain. The community would have been thrust upon itself in madness were it not equally under threat from Samprimary, the Worst Poster who has Ever Existed, the Bane of Accord.

In a span of time that is so abstract as to defy conceptualization, eras rose and fell, to reveal a forum quite different. Instead, it was a forum composed entirely by Samprimaries, so complete had his corruption been of the once good-hearted and good-natured people of Hatrack, that each and every one was a thrall to his hideous ways. It was a perverse mirror of the forum it had once been. Instead of accord, all was discord. Disgust and disdain cycled infinitely in threads filled with posters motivated only by bilious hatred and intolerance of weakness, which was perceived everywhere by all. No common ground could ever be found, no acceptance or tolerance, no respect or communal accord. The skies ran plaid with drama. Such was the potency of this Samprimarian fury that it was expected nominally for any given sentence to have a remarkable quantity (at least twelve) ad hominem attacks. No poster was directly rebuked in any form not distinctly holding the markings of a strawman. Tu Quoque was, understandably, rife in this world of Dark Fallacy.

Sitting upon his dark throne of Lulz, Samprimary drank deep of the well of hateposting, cackling miserably and gnashing his teeth upon his face, mutilating himself in a grotesque parody of all that was good, much like an Agrajag of the internets. A whole world, feal to his hideousness, he snipes hideously at the paranoid fluctuations at the base of his conscious, dimly aware of the fact that he sits where he is now only because he exploited the same lack of balance that he now has created. Does it not leave him open to the same? As easily as he conquered, he could be conquered. Torn asunder by the merest hint of courtesy, which would rapidly cause the whole forum, saturated to pointlessness in their agonizing hate and trolling, instantly transformed by the luring prospect of purposeful and friendly posting replacing the Hell which Samprimary had so carefully constructed.

He fumed for a time, before coming to a stark realization: the lack of balance had been caused by his removal, and reversed by his re-arrival. This time, there was no rogue exterior element, like he had been, waiting in the wings to be re-introduced and thus change the status quo. It was now a closed system! He danced with infernal glee, resolving to snipe at each of the posters in turn, as a way of celebrating. Blayne, then Tom, then Rabbit, then Danlo, then Orincoro, then TL .. TL? Where was TL? He searched through every wretched, bile-filled corner of Hatrack, every searing pit, and he could not find TL. One poster, and one poster alone, had stepped out of forum-time and forum-space, and remained within a placid loop of the forum's former equilibrium, likely to be reintroduced. The endlessness of Samprimary's reign was no longer assured, and was now under dire threat from TL returning. He did not even have to be a bastion of good. All he would have to do is step back in and say something even moderately non-filled with hate, like "Hey, what happened here?" And all would be lost. Such was Samprimary's anger at this development that he raved and cursed and shouted blasphemies and was so rife with fury that he could have spit into the very eye of Mod. But where, what fantastical land was TL safe within?

In a thread in the forum there lived a poster. Not a nasty, contemptuous, trolling thread, filled with the bits of fakeposts and a lulzy smell, nor yet a minced, noisy, contentless post-pit with nothing in it to talk about or to discuss: it was a Hatracker-thread, and that means content. It had a perfectly comprehensible subject line like a portmaneau, emphasized correctly, with a shiny subject hook in the center of vision. The thread opened on to a well-versed discussion like a tunnel: a very comfortable discussion without anger, with sourced links and quote tags organized and non-vortexed, provided with polished credentials, and lots and lots of links for sources and citations--the Hatrack was fond of visitors. The thread wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the subject matter--Discourse, as all the posters for many miles round called it--and many little side discussions opened out of it, first on one ideological end and then on another. No going subforum for the Hatrackers: landmarks, dobbies, cooking threads, tv show threads(lots of these), political threads(they had whole pages devoted to elections), medical advice, book reads, all were on the same page, and indeed on the same passage. The best threads were all on the top-hand side (most recent), for these were the only ones to have popular interest, deep-set posters looking over the expanded context and viral content networks beyond, sloping down to Youtube. This poster was a very well-to-do poster, and his name was TL. The TLesis had posted in the forum of Hatrack for time out of mind, and regulars considered them very respectable, not only because most of them had high postcounts, but also because they never posted spontaneously or did anything unexpected: you could tell what a TL would say on any question without the bother of opening their threads. This is the story of how a TL had an adventure, and found himself doing and posting things altogether unexpected. He may have lost the lurkers' respect, but he gained--well, you will see whether he gained anything in the end.

(to be continued)
 

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Posted by Traceria (Member # 11820) on :
 
So that's how the bunny died.
 

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Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
 
Who did the art in Spacetime? That was pretty cool. The other two were fairly hilarious. Much better than I could have done.
 

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Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
 
...and that was the first time Samprimary met Pierre Trudeau.

--Enigmatic
 

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Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
 
it's unfair too because the movies are cool
 

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Posted by Danlo the Wild (Member # 5378) on :
 
I did some of the art in Spacetime, others are photographs from the hubble and stuff. The music is my old band. That's just something I threw together.

The Cardboard Tube Samurai is a continuing series.

I shot enough for 3 to 5 episodes for the 1st story.

I promise at least ONE laugh if you watch it.

Wait til part 2 and 3. It gets funnier as it goes.

AND!

I am SOOOOO excited about our next series, it is gonna be great! and funny.

It's weird. People like me better when I am the funny fool, rather than being the "Government is evil! Money is evil! We're doomed" guy."


 

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Posted by Puffy Treat (Member # 7210) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Danlo the Wild:

The Cardboard Tube Samurai is a continuing series.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Scott R:
Do you want serious critique?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Noemon:

quote:

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Originally posted by Scott R:
Do you want serious critique?

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And what is it that you're trying to showcase here? Your vaunted screenwriting abilities? Your abilities as an editor? Your acting? The whole shebang?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Scott R:

quote:

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Originally posted by Noemon:

quote:

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Originally posted by Scott R:
Do you want serious critique?

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And what is it that you're trying to showcase here? Your vaunted screenwriting abilities? Your abilities as an editor? Your acting? The whole shebang?

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SheBANG, Noemon. The accent is on the last syllable for a reason, my friend, because when I undertake a work, it BOOMS, it BURSTS, it EXPLODES, you know what I'm saying?

Vivivication, that's what I'm talking about, Noemon, BOMBASTICHISM. Like machismo, but sexier, more sincere, like a sacred transmigration of the souls of Tom Selleck and the freaking Dalai Lama.

That's what I offer.

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Originally posted by scifibum: @Scott: Your response was fantastic (fantastichismastic even). But didn't Noemon quote you to add to your question for Danlo, not to question what you could offer in the way of criticism?

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@Noemon: why not just treat the OP and subsequent updates as "here, look what I did?" Shameless self promotion seems to be allowed around here. *nods at Scott*

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I can say, no. A quick look at my posting history shows that indeed, this is an accurate summarization of 100% of my posting history, with no deviation. It would have been impossible to estimate otherwise, what with not even 1% (much less 93.35%!) of my posts being informative, constructive and/or relevant. Your bafflement at my simplicity is definitely well-founded.....

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I didn't read much past this.

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Originally posted by Orincoro:
How about your offer to wash my car for 5 bucks.

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But didn't Noemon quote you to add to your question for Danlo, not to question what you could offer in the way of criticism?

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Originally posted by Scott R:

I've notified the firetrucks to be on standby with the hoses.

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Originally posted by TL:
And that the satirization of these things that don't exist is designed to make me feel foolish and ashamed and ridiculous (I don't), as evidence by the bit about losing my dignity (or whatever) in the eyes of the lurkers.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Orincoro:

quote:

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Originally posted by Scott R:

I've notified the firetrucks to be on standby with the hoses.

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You'll need them when you reveal to the world that you're a flaming homosexual.

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