This is topic Critique my short! in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Abyss (Member # 3086) on :
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4_b5HJNrFo

I used to post here sort of frequently, but I've been away for a long time. Now I'm going to school for film, and I recently participated in a 48 hour film festival. I'm pretty happy with the result, but I was wondering what feedback you all could give me.

And, you know, also this is shameless self-promotion. Part of the contest is based on Youtube hits. [Big Grin]

So you can help me out, watch a quick clip, and have an opinion on it! Everyone wins!

- Abyss
 
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
 
I thought the camera work and the colors were great. I would say the story could have used a bit more of a twist. By the second episode it was easy to see how each one would go, and it ended with no surprises. Perhaps naming it something more compelling than "Identity" would give it a little more spice? But it was entertaining.
 
Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
 
Your short what?
 
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
Abyss just forgot the final "s", Kate. No reason to be so hard on him (or her?).

In answer to the original question, though, I really don't think that plaid is a good choice for you.

[Edited to add the word "original"]

[ March 03, 2009, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: Noemon ]
 
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
 
It was good, but I thought it could have been about half as long, especially since it didn't actually change as it went along. I also thought the music was too dominant and sort of just music rather than being part of the story.
 
Posted by Abyss (Member # 3086) on :
 
Thanks a lot, everyone. And it's my short FILM, people.

The colors were definitely part of the design. There was actually supposed to be narration that we didn't have time for -- maybe that would have helped with the music issue.

Also, total side note, I just read OSC's latest column, and apparently he goes to the same movie theater I do... !
 
Posted by Dobbie (Member # 3881) on :
 
Was that the guy who played Bubba on "Mama's Family"?
 
Posted by Abyss (Member # 3086) on :
 
Ha, I haven't heard that one yet. I've gotten a lot of people who say that the main actor, Richard McNolty, looks like a young Nathan Fillion, which I totally buy. I've also had people who think the 'stoner' looks like Shia Lebouf, which I don't really see.
 
Posted by Earendil18 (Member # 3180) on :
 
For 48 hours, it's alright I guess. You had 48 hours for pre-production, production, and post. [Smile] That shiz is hard!

That guy does look like Nathan Fillion, although more boyish and cuter. [Razz]

For feedback:
The editing wasn't the best, there's a weird .25 second shot that just kind of flickers in and out near the beginning when they're sitting in the library. There's areas where he's coughing and all this, and the bouncy music doesn't fit. It may fit better if it didn't drag on dramatically. Keep the momentum, it doesn't take the audience that long to get an idea, that whole coughing fit could be cut to 2 or fewer shots. All depends on how you present it.

The shot composition was kind of hit or miss when it came to supporting thematic ideas, or what the scene was about. The church for example, I got it, but the handheld over the shoulder of them praying didn't really support or enhance the idea.

Lighting was good mostly in the thematic colored shots, but outside of that it was poor.

Sound is hard to get. Rather, GOOD sound is hard to get. I had a Sennheiser M600 and it STILL didn't give me the best sound. You gotta have some decent equipment, some smart sound guys to plan for that, so I'm not going to blather because you don't have hundreds of dollars of equipment. [Razz]

That being said, I think you should've ditched the sound effects completely. You have this nice musical/visual thing going, and whenever the sound comes in from the camera, it's jarring. The church scene/emo smoking scene both had very distracting audio, and you can't really hear the two guys talking anyway.

Acting, hey, it works.

Some good ideas here, and for 48 hours it's alright. Definitely tons of room to improve it though.

What film school are you going to?
 
Posted by Abyss (Member # 3086) on :
 
It's a little school in NC called Elon University.

Which shot flickers? I've watched it on a couple of different computers and I've never gotten a flicker. Were you watching in high definition?
 
Posted by Earendil18 (Member # 3180) on :
 
I couldn't watch in HD because it was streaming slowly.

I'm talking about teh shot at 1:10-1:11, which doesn't contribute much and then cuts again.
 


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