I got up this morning and said "alright, this is it, this is the Day Blayne! Go and ask that incredibly hawt red headed girl out! Ask her if she wants to go for coffee sometime!" I arrive and guess what? My Calculus class with her was canceled and I have not even the slightest clue where she hangs out.
I am Angry at the Universe for ruining the day where I took extra case to be hygienic. I even brushed by hair!!!
There's not many weeks left before the semester ends, im running out of time!
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Whose hair did you brush by? Because that probably matters quite a bit.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
I'm sorry Blayne. Though if it makes you feel any better, I had a much needed chuckle reading your post. When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade and hope it refreshes someone else. Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
As a member of the "Class Canceling Subcommittee of the Ruining Blayne's LoveLife Division of the Universal Conspiracy to Mess with Blayne" I can relax now. Nice to see that the Sub-Group on Wasted Hygiene was on the job as well.
I hope there is a plan for if Blayne just asks her out the next time he sees her!
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
Congrats on screwing up your courage and your hygiene in preparation for the big day. My advice is, make tomorrow the big day. Or whenever you see her again.
And speaking as a dude who does okay with the ladies, I can say that ALWAYS taking the extra time to be hygienic and well-groomed is the smart play.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
"the ladies"? I just had this vision of you in a mustache wearing disco pants.
Posted by adenam (Member # 11902) on :
The phrase "the ladies" really ticks me off. It just has too much connotation of possesion.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
It doesn't offend me at all. I just can't hear without seeing Steve Martin as a wild and crazy guy.
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
"The phrase "the ladies" really ticks me off."
So do you like 'ladettes' better???
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
"And speaking as a dude who does okay with the ladies, I can say that ALWAYS taking the extra time to be hygienic and well-groomed is the smart play."
Speaking as a guy who knows a guy who clearly doesn't wear enough deodorant, I agree.
Posted by adenam (Member # 11902) on :
not really
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Huh? How does "the ladies" have a connotation of possession?
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: Whose hair did you brush by? Because that probably matters quite a bit.
my*
Posted by scholarette (Member # 11540) on :
As a "lady," I always want good hygiene from everyone around me. Even if a guy has taken the effort that day, if my first impression is of a scruffy guy, I am not going to be impressed.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
I think you should clarify how 'scruffy guy' necessarily equals 'bad hygiene'.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
Still not getting it, Blayne.
Posted by lem (Member # 6914) on :
quote:As a "lady," I always want good hygiene from everyone around me. Even if a guy has taken the effort that day, if my first impression is of a scruffy guy, I am not going to be impressed.
I thought the ladies love the scent of a man. . Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang: Congrats on screwing up your courage and your hygiene in preparation for the big day. My advice is, make tomorrow the big day. Or whenever you see her again.
And speaking as a dude who does okay with the ladies, I can say that ALWAYS taking the extra time to be hygienic and well-groomed is the smart play.
Amen. Not just for their sake, but for the sake of other people who know you as well. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by katharina: a mustache wearing disco pants.
Now I have an image of a mustache in shiny pants.
It's rather disturbing . . .
Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
quote:Originally posted by adenam: The phrase "the ladies" really ticks me off. It just has too much connotation of possesion.
I think you're being overly sensitive. Is there a reference to women, made by men for the purpose of discussing their own love lives, that does not offend you?
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
I find it surprising that anybody would be offended by the phrase "the ladies."
Birds must be squawking more these days. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
"My ladies" is possessive. "The ladies" is... descriptive.
Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :
Blayne, persistence pays off.
It really does. I swear. Would you expect someone to become a world-class competitor at a particular video game if they'd only spent an hour playing it? No.
To all and sundry--I used that analogy because it's the only thing I've seen him show any persistence at.
No, Blayne, I'm not insulting you. I wasted a lot of time and energy in my late teens/early 20s. If you're still living this lifestyle in 20 years, it might be time to change. Right now, I'm inclined to give you a pass, to some degree.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
quote:Originally posted by steven: Blayne, persistence pays off.
These days it frequently pays off with a restraining order, as I hear it.
[ May 01, 2009, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: El JT de Spang ]
Posted by scholarette (Member # 11540) on :
quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang: I think you should clarify how 'scruffy guy' necessarily equals 'bad hygiene'.
Well scruffy means untidy. Low hygiene is very rarely tidy.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
Perhaps, but untidy doesn't necessarily mean bad hygiene. There are people I know who are very hygienic and are also very untidy, though the untidiness is generally intentional for the sake of a "look".
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
quote:Originally posted by scholarette:
quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang: I think you should clarify how 'scruffy guy' necessarily equals 'bad hygiene'.
Well scruffy means untidy. Low hygiene is very rarely tidy.
Swing and a miss. I am definitionally both 'scruffy' and 'hygienic'. As several regulars here can attest to. Unless you're using one of those words to mean something other than the common usage (which I'm assuming is what you're doing with 'scruffy', although I can't for a second follow how you think untidy is also equal to unhygienic).
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Scruffy lookin'!?
Posted by scholarette (Member # 11540) on :
I think you can easily be hygienic and scruffy- and for a guy like that scruffy wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. But, I am not convinced about being unhygienic and not scruffy. Everyone I have seen who does not take proper care of hygiene has been pretty scruffy.
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
Don't get too mad at the Universe; you never know what it's up to. It may have a plan to help you after all.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
There's fake scruffy and then there's real scruffy. To mistake one for the other is a huge mistake.
Posted by BelladonnaOrchid (Member # 188) on :
quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang:
quote:Originally posted by steven: Blayne, persistence pays off.
These days it frequently pays off with a restraining order, as I hear it.
Agreed. Be careful that 'persistence' does not turn into 'creepy'.
Case in point: I was taking a class in college a number of years ago when a young gentleman followed me to my car after class and asked me out. Followed me. Into a parking lot. While I was alone. I was engaged at the time and told him so and then left. This fellow took offense and proceeded to follow me to my car every day after class. I finally ended up dropping the class and getting my money back in order to end the 'cat-and-mouse' game.
The irony? The class was Psychology of Sexuality.
Posted by Wendybird (Member # 84) on :
Who you callin' scruffy lookin'?
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
I've been staying roughly 2-3 desks apart from her and never making any outward appearances of being "in" to her so to speak aside from asking occasional questions about the work on hand.
I only when Im not talking to her look at her through my peripheral vision.
Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :
Don't worry about the cluelessness of these fools. I know you're no stalker. Inappropriate groper, maybe. But stalking? You ain't got it in ya. Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
If brushing your hair is an atypical event, then it really doesn't matter whether the Universe conspires against you or not, you've already conspired against yourself.
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
quote:Don't worry about the cluelessness of these fools. I know you're no stalker. Inappropriate groper, maybe. But stalking? You ain't got it in ya. [Smile]
Stalking would take a lot of time, time that could be spent playing and replaying video games, after all;)
quote:I've been staying roughly 2-3 desks apart from her and never making any outward appearances of being "in" to her so to speak aside from asking occasional questions about the work on hand.
I only when Im not talking to her look at her through my peripheral vision.
First off, this sounds like an excellent recipe for an uninterrupted continuation of the status quo.
Second, allow me to carefully point out that although of course I can't speak specifically to you and this woman, I can speak for a lot of people and say that an individual is often not the best at gauging whether or not they're being opaque or transparent.
In other words, just because you think you're keeping a good poker face doesn't mean you are. Speaking specifically about you, though, I don't think rigid self control is an ability you can claim. Not as far as online discussion forums can hint at, at least.
And that would be another reason not to be satisfied with the status quo: it may not be what you think it is.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit: If brushing your hair is an atypical event, then it really doesn't matter whether the Universe conspires against you or not, you've already conspired against yourself.
Can I get an A-Men!
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
Well, really, it depends on the length of your hair and your affinity for hats, berets, turbans, or what have you.
However, if your hair is sufficiently long that it is easily spotted at a glance whether you've brushed it or not...dude, brush your hair. You don't even have to mousse it or hairspray it or anything. It can get mussed up when you're working or something, and that's no foul, but brush it before you go out at the very least.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
There's a T-Man on this board, I think, but only one of him.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kwea:
quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit: If brushing your hair is an atypical event, then it really doesn't matter whether the Universe conspires against you or not, you've already conspired against yourself.
Can I get an A-Men!
I never brush my hair, and I do quite well in the female department.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
quote:Originally posted by Blayne Bradley: I only when Im not talking to her look at her through my peripheral vision.
I can imagine she wonders about the guy who flinches every time she turns her head. (Dude, she's gonna get the vibe that you're staring, even if you keep it peripheral.)
Posted by adenam (Member # 11902) on :
quote:Originally posted by JonHecht:
quote:Originally posted by Kwea:
quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit: If brushing your hair is an atypical event, then it really doesn't matter whether the Universe conspires against you or not, you've already conspired against yourself.
Can I get an A-Men!
I never brush my hair, and I do quite well in the female department.
If I recall correctly from that picture of you holding a knife, your hair is not long enough to actually need brushing.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
Do you not take pictures unless you are holding a sharp metal object?
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
I do, but they're not as good without a phallic symbol.
Edit: And technically, I didn't take the photo.
[ May 04, 2009, 01:16 AM: Message edited by: JonHecht ]
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
I had forgotten how you looked.
I don't flinch, since it is afterall a calculus class I have plenty of stuff to do as to avoid flinching like looking in the general direction of my Cal1 teacher.
Posted by adenam (Member # 11902) on :
Oops! It's like my brother's hair and of course he doesn't brush it. I thought that was normal. Thanks for letting me know I should have higher standards.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
Honestly, I was not trying to let you know that you should have "higher standards", whatever that means. My point was that brushing one's hair is not a necessary quality, at least with the current trend in men's hair-style, to attract women (or men, which seems to be the predominant case in my situation... unfortunately).
I feel some people, let's call them "hatrackers", who are of an older or more formal ilk than what is common among college students nowadays, do not understand the current fashion. Nor do they approve of it, even if they do understand. All I know is that combed hair would make me look like a jerk; particularly given my attire. If I had combed hair + a suit jacket, then that would just be bad. Messy hair with the suit jacket creates a nice juxtaposition.
Edit: That having been said, all other forms of good hygiene are necessary things.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote:My point was that brushing one's hair is not a necessary quality, at least with the current trend in men's hair-style, to attract women (or men, which seems to be the predominant case in my situation... unfortunately).
Dude, if you stand around with fencing foils and an untucked button-up shirt beneath a sportcoat, your hair strategically mussed, clenching your jaw and sternly eyeballing the camera beneath your deep-set brows, you are going to send mating signals to a certain breed of gay man. It's pretty much a given.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
Actually, I wasn't clenching my jaw. That's just how my jaw looks with my mouth closed.
Edit: And my complaint isn't that I attract men. It's that the comparative number of men seems to outweigh women. Either that or I am just bad at reading signals from women... which is a given.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Well, the signal that sends is "I care a great deal about how I look." I don't mean to stereotype gay men, here, but I've noticed that gay men are more likely to respond positively to that vibe than college-aged women are. Try going a little scruffier -- or, at the very least, a little less studiously posed -- and see if women respond.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
Hehehe.
As for my hair, since its not took season its not all over the place, brushing it just makes it "nicer" when its not brushed it just sorta goes in two different directions while if i brush it tends to be swept to one side.
I need a camera.
Posted by BelladonnaOrchid (Member # 188) on :
How did this get into a discussion as to whether or not particular hair styles are appropriate?
Dude, have you asked her out yet? If this is a m/w/f course that you're taking (I would figure a calculus class would surely be), surely you've seen her again by now. If you have seen her and not asked her out, what's holding you back?
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
not making it seem awkward? I can't exactly ask during the class, if I ask at the beginning it would seem I was waiting for her and thus possibly entering creepy territory and if I leave too early and wait outside see above, I have to time it just right.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Why not just walk up to her after class and say, "Hey, want to get a coffee together tonight?" And then ask her for a date over coffee.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
And if she says she doesn't like coffee, call her a skank and then RUN AWAY!
(because it's Blayne, I feel compelled to add that that was a joke. Please never do that)
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
I think Ill skip to the running away part, more efficient.
I'm NOT a quiet person. This is something I prefer the din of the hallway for.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
What do you know about her? Why not just quickly invite her to some casual thing you're planning on doing anyway?
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
"Why not just quickly invite her to some casual thing you're planning on doing anyway?"
Note: this should not include doing your laundry.
Posted by scholarette (Member # 11540) on :
What's wrong with laundry? Though that might be a bit much for a first date (considering that at my college, the laundry room was where you went to make out).
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
I can't articulate the reasons I had in mind without sounding ridiculous, so I might have to conclude that there's nothing wrong with laundry.
But I'll share those reasons anyway: - Dirty laundry might have sights or odors you don't want to share at that point - There might be a somewhat creepy vibe to the implied invitation to handle your underthings
If you can avoid those kinds of intimacies then perhaps it'd be a good low key setting. I'd still think coffee or frozen yogurt or something might be a less risky offer. Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
It should also not include inviting her to watch you play video games.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
As a rule, first dates should not involve the girl watching you do anything you'd do in your home alone.
I so want to make an onanism joke here.
Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
Agreed.
"Some casual thing you're planning on doing anyway" leaves a lot of room for error.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
I thought of a third reason: - Without extra effort, she gets all the information about your wardrobe at once. (There's no advantage to wearing your best shirt.)
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Laundry is NEVER casual.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: What do you know about her? Why not just quickly invite her to some casual thing you're planning on doing anyway?
Or better yet, invite her to something you are doing with a group of friends. If you have to, plan something with a group of friends like meet at a local pizza joint or something.
Then you can, say a group of us are going out for Pizza friday night, would you like to come along. Its a really much better situation for lots of reasons. As a young woman, its can be kind of scary going on a date with some guy you barely know, a group setting is a much safer place to get to know someone than a date. Furthermore, the one on one of a date is kind of high pressure and a lot of people feel awkward on a first date. If you are with a group, you don't have to carry the whole conversation, there is less chance of putting your foot in your mouth or having long awkward pauses in the conversation. Its a much more low pressure way to have a chance to talk to a girl and find out if you actually have anything in common besides math class. I think the whole awkwardness of dating is one of the reasons so many people go to movies on dates, despite the fact that going to a movie together is a really terrible way to get to know someone.
Posted by Mucus (Member # 9735) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: What do you know about her? Why not just quickly invite her to some casual thing you're planning on doing anyway?
Based on a probabilistic model of how BB seems to spend his time, that seems to imply that he should either invite her to play MMO games or invite her to help solve his problems by posting on Hatrack (in which case the whole thing goes recursive).
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit:
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: What do you know about her? Why not just quickly invite her to some casual thing you're planning on doing anyway?
Or better yet, invite her to something you are doing with a group of friends. If you have to, plan something with a group of friends like meet at a local pizza joint or something.
Then you can, say a group of us are going out for Pizza friday night, would you like to come along. Its a really much better situation for lots of reasons. As a young woman, its can be kind of scary going on a date with some guy you barely know, a group setting is a much safer place to get to know someone than a date. Furthermore, the one on one of a date is kind of high pressure and a lot of people feel awkward on a first date. If you are with a group, you don't have to carry the whole conversation, there is less chance of putting your foot in your mouth or having long awkward pauses in the conversation. Its a much more low pressure way to have a chance to talk to a girl and find out if you actually have anything in common besides math class. I think the whole awkwardness of dating is one of the reasons so many people go to movies on dates, despite the fact that going to a movie together is a really terrible way to get to know someone.
No, Double No, Full Stop, You Do Not Go past Go and Most definately not collect 200$, cease, arret, halt, stop, and stop some more, in fact a reversal might be in order.
I would never let my friends near any girl I might have a chance at dating without wanting to commit relationship suicide, think of the things YOU know about me, then consider for a moment that my friends might know ALOT more and might say for example exclaim LOUDLY in surprise that I might be seen in the company of someone female in anything hinting towards romance or a relationship of any kind.
Then think of all the things that the girl obviously wouldn't know about me but are embarrassing, I think Hatrack knows of at least several examples that my friends in the most fundamentally failure of tact ever concieved would undoubtedly start prattling off a whole list of reasons why the girl should not be dating me.
In short Bad bad BAD idea even if they don't INTEND to do what I describe above I know that they will have the uncontrollable compulsion to do so because they would be so shocked and surprised that they would have no choice.
So no, no friends. There is maybe ONE friend who I trust would remain silent about any of my bad habits.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
Here's an idea. Forget dating until you're comfortable enough with your habits to have someone find out about them. Or, at least, quiet down with your friends (meatspace) about things that you can keep private even if you develop a close relationship with someone, so that your discoverable habits are ones that you are OK with having out in the open.
Finding that comfort level could include a combination of changing your habits or learning to be comfortable with existing habits.
But the terror that a date might *get to know you* is, I think, a very unfortunate circumstance.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
What? That's the point of dating, scifibum... you act as normal as possible to make the person like you enough to get past all your crazy weirdness.
That's what I always understood it to be, anyway.
Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :
Well, yes, you have to ease them into your oddness.
And I'm on record saying that waiting for perfection is not a good dating strategy - I was talking about perfection in the partner, but it goes the other way too.
Maybe I was a little harsh.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang: As a rule, first dates should not involve the girl watching you do anything you'd do in your home alone.
I so want to make an onanism joke here.
Posted by T:man (Member # 11614) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: There's a T-Man on this board, I think, but only one of him.
Hey!
Its T:man
And don't forget our other T Traceria!
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote:consider for a moment that my friends might know ALOT more and might say for example exclaim LOUDLY in surprise that I might be seen in the company of someone female
1) Get new friends. 2) Profit!
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
So now your friends are conspiring against you too. Very unfortunate.
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