Hatrack River Forum: Formality within marriage

This is topic Formality within marriage in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :

I have decided that I shall address the Queen of Men as 'thou', as in "Canst thou pass me the milk, please?" There are two justifications for this:

She is my wife, and it makes sense to be informal; I would not address her as 'vous' in French, 'Sie' in German, or 'De' in Norwegian, so what's with the second-person-plural in English?
She is my wife, and it makes sense to be respectful; I would address her as 'vous' in French, 'Sie' in German, and 'De' in Norwegian, and while consistency is a fine thing, these Americans for some reason hear the second-person-singular as being more formal. True courtesy takes into account the tastes of the recipient.

I can't make up my mind which is the better justification; what do you lot think?

Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :

When you say "better," to whom are you attempting to justify it?

Posted by Traceria (Member # 11820) on :

If my husband (to be) phrased the question that way, my response would be two-fold:
Part 1, the First: I'd giggle.
Part 2, the Second: I'd ask him when he started drinking milk.

Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :

Stop butchering ye ole' english!

Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :

I think it is rather sweet. Familiar can be respectful. What does your wife think?

Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Blayne Bradley:
Stop butchering ye ole' english!

I assure ye, sirrah, that I speak it rather better than ye speak the modern.

quote:
What does your wife think?

She liked the second justification better.

Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :

I always loved hearing older couple refer to each other, even when talking to each other directly, as Mr. and Mrs. It sounded... quaint?

I refer to my wife with any number of names, often from across the house, including "Mrs. Bridges," "You wily beast," "Heart of my hearts," and "O my Queen."

Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :

I tend to simply restructure the wording on many requests I make of my wife.

Whereas with one person I might say, "Could you pass the milk please," I might say to her, "Honey, have we got any milk that can be spared for me?" The mere fact I speak to my wife in a unique way seems to accomplish the same thing as being extra polite.

Obviously if I spoke to her in a unique way that was also mean, it wouldn't work.

Posted by scifibum (Member # 7625) on :

I've occasionally addressed my wife as "mommy". Comes from telling the kids "mommy asked you to pick that up" and "let's go see mommy", etc. I used to wonder why my grandfathers would address their wives as "mother" but I'm getting it now.

That has nothing to do with formality, of course. Sometimes I venture a "dearest wife", or "sweet lady". That isn't really about being formal either.

We DO make a point of "please" and "thank you". We always have. The nice thing about talking that way with each other is that all of the kids pick it up automatically.

Posted by BandoCommando (Member # 7746) on :

My uncle is a practicing Quaker who uses the familiar form of address (thee/thy/thou) instead of the formal (you/yours). As a kid, I used to regard the familiar as a more formal form of address, because, after all, that's what they use in the Bible, right?

Anyway, just random observations from me again, I guess...

Posted by dabbler (Member # 6443) on :

In the anime, Kenshin always called Kaoru "Kaoru-dono."

Posted by BackwardBlackbird (Member # 12224) on :

Kenshin's awesome... I'm all for that. At the same time, I just like the idea of having a special way to talk to a special person. Thee and thou has always seemed more intimate to me than you, because you is used with everybody. I think it's also that I reread Dark Tower recently [Smile]

Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :

So, what made you decide to address your wife as "thou" since the contradictory justifications seem interchangeable for your purposes?

Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :

How should I know? Am I a well-designed computer, with access to its own source code, that I should be able to trace my motivations in my execution stack?

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

I believe that translates to "God made him do it".

Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :

I dunno, thought maybe you'd turned Quaker.

Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :

quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
I believe that translates to "God made him do it".

Come on, that was a cheap shot. LOL

Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :

LOL that was awesome. [Big Grin]

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Uprooted:
I dunno, thought maybe you'd turned Quaker.

Like I said . . .

Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :

quote:
Originally posted by rivka:

quote:
Originally posted by Uprooted:
I dunno, thought maybe you'd turned Quaker.
Like I said . . .

It's the rivka comedy hour! Give her a big hand, folks, she's here all week! [ROFL]

Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :

quote:
Originally posted by King of Men:
These Americans for some reason hear the second-person-singular as being more formal.

I'm pretty sure it's not just Americans, but all English speakers. And really, it isn't that we find the singular form more formal, but that we find the archaic form more formal, regardless of its erstwhile meaning.

Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :

I eventually had to give this up. I found myself hesitating before every sentence to check that I'd got my pronoun right and verbs conjugal-ated correctly.

Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :

I bet it was adorable while it lasted, though.

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

I have to say I'm really liking "Oh my Queen . . . "

*wonders what the laws of probability would say to husband addressing her in such a manner*

Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :

My wife and I take the opposite course of action, seeking the least possible formality, sometimes referring to one another as stink-face or rumble-bum.

Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :

I prefer wench. When she didn't smack me the first time, I kept it up.

Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :

I may be really behind the times on this one but...

...King of Men is married o.O

I think the poles just flipped...