Thank you again for all your past support. Today I am pleased to announce we have balanced the budget ahead of schedule.
Using my vast experience, we simply acquired the money needed by leveraging the states. While this left the states with a bit of a debt, we were able to use some of that leveraged money to improve, streamline, and raise the values of those states as we did in Missouri.
Unfortunately some States, even after our improvements and imposed cost cuttings were still unable to meet their debt load.
Some of this has been wrongly attributed to federal cost cutting measures that sent less money to the states.
For example, our outsourcing of medicare to Canada has been a great success. Sure, it is more expensive than originally planned, but outsourcing to Thailand was criticized by socialist elements who complained of the cost of airline tickets and the quality of their medicine. Eventually the market would have adjusted, driving down ticket prices and increasing quality.
But I digress. Canada is within driving range of many Americans. In fact, so many have gone to Canada to get their medical care, found the socialist haven to be quite enjoyable, and have refused to return, that it has added to some states inability to cover their debt.
Which brings us back to the sad news I have to report.
Missouri can not meet its debt obligation. It is only financially prudent, as CEO of the country, that I sell off your under-performing state. As of November 6th, Missouri will officially belong to Kuwait.
As part of this purchase I have enclosed a list of several suggested Arabic Language courses.
You are free to move to any other state...except Arizona, Alabama, and Texas who have extended their immigration laws to include those about to be immigrants. Iowa has been purchased by the Koch brothers, and they have their own regulations about who can enter, and a loyalty oath to be sworn before entering. Maine is now part of Brazil, and other states may be going soon.
But I am proud to say that those states remaining are on strong fiscal grounds as is your old country as a whole.
Thank you again.
President and CEO Romney.
Posted by Ron Lambert (Member # 2872) on :
That's pretty funny, Darth. I enjoy well-turned satire.
But it really doesn't equal the impact of the movie currently in 1,517 theaters nationwide, "2016," which shows Obama's plans for America. I heard it has been received with standing ovations in many places.
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
Actually, while it has done quite well, it hasn't approached last time I checked another piece of partisan schlock, Michael Moore's latest pile of crap. D'Souza is a hack anyway, but I suppose that sort of malicious mind-reading of Obama appeals to you.
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
The question is: why does the right want a Michael Moore of their own?
/fake edit oh lord it's co-directed or something by the guy who made "Expelled"
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
I thought Ann Coulter was their Michael Moore...on steroids.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ron Lambert: That's pretty funny, Darth. I enjoy well-turned satire.
But it really doesn't equal the impact of the movie currently in 1,517 theaters nationwide, "2016," which shows Obama's plans for America. I heard it has been received with standing ovations in many places.
Most of them never sat, as they had no place to put their walkers, and were afraid of sitting on an "Invisible Obama" in each chair...
Posted by Thesifer (Member # 12890) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ron Lambert: That's pretty funny, Darth. I enjoy well-turned satire.
But it really doesn't equal the impact of the movie currently in 1,517 theaters nationwide, "2016," which shows Obama's plans for America. I heard it has been received with standing ovations in many places.
If you liked, and/or bought into that crap, I weep for you.
Posted by Mucus (Member # 9735) on :
Hmmm, reminds me, anybody here watch "Death By China" yet?
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
No, what is it?
Posted by Mucus (Member # 9735) on :
A movie with a similar "tomatometer" and "audience" response. http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/death_by_china/ Similar genre maybe, if "provocative election year propaganda piece" is a genre.