I'm wondering if anybody else has this problem. While editing about the first 30 pages (all I have written) of a novel I was working on earlier this year I came across a kind of morbid realization about myself
In order to help you people grasp the realization I'll explain the book. It's essentially about life in Small Town, USA. No big deal right? Except there are a couple of twists. The two main characters (protagonist and antagonist) are both heavily modeled off of myself. Essentially the reason I started writing the book was because truly gifted students get screwed in our school system(at least in my school district). I had to put this experience do. As OSC put it (paraphrasing) "I was always a grown-up. Gifted kids do think like that.
The problem arose when I realized how heavily the antagonist was modeled off of me. He wasn't purely evil (there's really no such thing) but he was bad. He was manipulative and incredibly patient. Most people think, "no big deal, we all write evil characters," but that's not the case here. (Trust me I've written evil characters and it wasn't as bad as this.) The thing was that I used so many of my own thought processes and conversations and attached them to him. This led me to the realization of just how evil I could be (and to put it simply it's really evil) (Reading the psychology of Evil and violence hasn't really helped either). My question is how in the world should I deal with this horrible realization with myself? If you say, we all write evil characters I must not have done a good enough job explaining myself. He's basically what I could be in two years.
The Great Uberslacker
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
Keep thinking fuzzy bunnies, watching carebears, and perhaps seek counseling?
Posted by chad_parish (Member # 1155) on :
I just use the evil.
I'm the most Machiavellian person I know -- and if you ask my friends, they'd agree.
I say, if you've got it, flaunt it.
Posted by JK (Member # 654) on :
Ah, no biggie. Everyone's evil, it's just that not everyone acts like it. Trust me, if I felt like it I could be a villain. But I don't feel like it, so I'm not. Neither are you. JK
Posted by SiliGurl (Member # 922) on :
Just my 2 cents, but I think you're making more of it than there is... I mean, so you touched a dark part of yourself and emphasized it in your antagonist. No biggie. We each have our Light and Dark selves, and fortunately, most of us reign in that dark half. But to be an effective writer, you have to be in touch with all of those emotions and moral dilemmas. Otherwise, how could you possibly write convincing characters? If you weren't in touch with both halves of your soul, then you'd be writing nothing but stereotypes. And while that might sell, is it really what you want to do?
Posted by Falken224 on :
Congrats . . . you've touched on one of the secrets of writing. :-) Getting in touch with your own dark side is one of the best ways to discover really good characters. It can also be a bit scary. It was rather shocking the day I realized many of my characters are either suicidal or chronically depressed. Hmm . . . can you say 'replay' of the dark days of my life.
Some of the best writing comes out of the darkest stuff. Don't be too scared of it, just be glad it's your dark side and not your 'normal side'. :-)
Posted by tamalynn (Member # 1304) on :
I don't think that delving into the "evil" aspects of yourself is a bad thing. Because the more you understand yourself and your motivations and the true reasons for your actions, the more control you have.
So I think you're *less* likely to become that darker self/character now that you know that it exists.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
I'll admit that I know what Uber is talking about (by the way, Uber, we all figured this out about you pretty quickly). But there is no such thing as an intellegent being that doesn't have 'darker' impulses. Even our basically 'good' impulses can make us into monsters (think of our impulse to be 'good citizens' and how that allowed the evil of the Holocaust in Nazi Germany).
The fact of the matter is that there are no 'good' and 'bad' impulses. What is good or bad is the particular decisions that we arrive at and act upon. Sometimes you should encourage your sexual impulses, sometimes restrain them. Sometimes you should interfere with other people's lives, sometimes you need to keep out of it. Sometimes you should kill a person, or even many people, sometimes you should restrain those impulses.
Going about with a "warm and fuzzy" attitude is a great way to unthinkingly wreak havoc on innocent people while helping the wicked to continue in doing evil. By the same token, any thoughtless path in life is likely to turn to evil. Most of the villians in our world are just this type of 'well meaning' monster, too blinded by their obvious benevolence to see the evil they bring about.
So be glad that you are aware of your own tendency to evil. Be mindful of what you do and why, and be ready to deal with the fact that a lot of what you do is going to be mistaken, wrong or evil. That is the only way to really be a good person (and trust me, I mean 'good' in a relative sense, since you'll still do more unthinking evil than witting good, you'll just do more witting good than the average person).
Posted by srhowen (Member # 462) on :
I'll agree that to write a vivid character so that they reach out and grab the reader is to perhaps touch on aspects of yourself that you would not show to others.
I'll also agree that many school systems screw the gifted---as much as they screw the slow. Which is why I homeschool my daughter.
Shawn
Posted by JOHN (Member # 1343) on :
After thinking about it I tend to agree with the general sentiment of the replies. Getting in touch with any aspect of your personalaity (especially one you didn't think you had) can alway be useful. Not to sound new agey but realizing I had a femine side (and my overwhelming love/lust of the fairer sex (sorry, had to reconfirm my sexuality)) helped me write female characters a little me accuratley. (although I sometimes like the sentiment expressed by Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets "I think of a man and take away all rational thought and accountability." )
All joking aside a novel I recently read would've never been written were it not for the author's dark side. American Psycho. That book was f--ked up but it seemed like the author had to really reach down deep inside to come up with a thought provoking satire.
JOHN!
Posted by uberslacker2 (Member # 1397) on :
Yeah, I was just in a kinda weird mood for the last couple days. Thanks to the people who replied (except Rahl, when I read that I just about wanted to write a incidinary reply, but I'm ok now.) Some of you did your best to help and I'd like to say thanks for that. However it's tamalynn and Survivor that really helped (see their posts to understand why) those were the answers I was looking for. I do have one more question though; Survivor, when you said that "we all figured this out about you pretty quickly" were you making a joke or what? What were you referring to? :-D
Uberslacker
Posted by tamalynn (Member # 1304) on :
I'm glad that I could be of some help, Uberslacker. So far my writing/imagination hasn't reached the point where I've scared myself, but I'm hoping that in time, I too will be shocked into several days worth of soul searching.
And you've piqued my interest in your stories <grins>.
Posted by uberslacker2 (Member # 1397) on :
haha. I wouldn't worry about my stories. They're not that good. Plus, this is the story I wrote last semester (when I first started seriously writing again) and it needed some major editing. I might try and do something with it though. Who knows. Hehe
Uberslacker
BTW, anybody that has to go through that soul searching: I'm sorry, it's painful, but trust me eventually you'll get over it and be a better writer for it.
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
I just meant everything you mentioned, that you have morbid realizations--sometimes about yourself, getting hammered by the NEA and their agendas, that you can be patient and manipulative and subtle, even that you can be evil--and actually have some idea what evil looks like.
Heck, half of it is in your name--though 'tis always possible to misread a name (I had the misfortune to pick a name that later became associated with a certain disreputable enterprise, and there was much confusion). But it isn't too hard to pick up on how a person thinks, and who they really are at a deeper level, if you read what they write in correspondece (which is what we do here, and is quite different from chat on the one hand and monographs on the other).
I sometimes wonder just how I appear, in that too piercing light...but then I remember that I don't care about appearances, so long as I am properly feared
)