Hatrack River Writers Workshop: The best way to insert memory pieces?

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Posted by nellievrolyk (Member # 1616) on :

I have written a section in my novel in which memory pieces or flashbacks experienced by one of my characters intertwine with the 'now' happenings. Something like this:

Now action.

Flashback/memory

More now action

more flashback/memory

How do I make it clear that the flashbacks are not part of the 'now'? What is the best way to make them stand apart? I have been using elipses, but those seem to be almost invisible...

Sorry, I can't give an actual example from the story, but it contains some explicit sexual content, and I don't want to post that here.

Posted by Bene_Gesserit (Member # 1675) on :

How about, "She remembered?" Naw!

Italics are good.

Establish that the character plays a particular sad tune when memory lane begins. Then later the act of turning on the record player can tip off the reader that it is time to mind-wander, regret, experience longing desire. Then go ahead. Have you ever seen the opera Tosca? There is a particular upward cascade of music that is associated with Scarpia's arousal. When Puccini wrote it, the bad guy was on the prowl. It was never spoken or sung but one knows what it forshadows. By the way is your character's recall of good or bad sex? Don't answer that.

Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :

The conventional way to let the reader know that the character is recalling something in the story's past (which is conventionally told in the simple past tense) is to use the past perfect.

Something like this:

Now action: he said, he walked, he smiled

Flashback/memory: he had said, he had walked, he had smiled

If you are writing your "Now action" in the present tense, then use the simple past for the flashback/memory, or use "had" anyway.

Posted by nellievrolyk (Member # 1616) on :

Thanks for the replies.

BG, I've thought of using italics but the flashbacks/memory pieces are too long for that. I've not seen Tosca, but I've listened to the whole opera on CDs borrowed from the library.

Bad.

Kathleen, I begin the first flashback/memory like this "It had been on my tenth birthday..." using the past perfect, but after that I use the simple past tense in the passage. I do the same for each of the flashbacks/memories. I have read somewhere that this is an acceptable practice. Is that so?

I wanted to establish that for my character the memory is as immediate as what is happening in the 'now'.

Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :

Nellie, starting with "had" and moving to simple past is the way it's usually done for flashbacks, so you're fine there. The problem comes when you move out of the memory and into the story "now" again.

If your memory sections are short, I'd recommend that you keep them in "had" format so the reader won't be confused.

If they are longer, you can signal the return to the story "now" with a transition that goes back to using "had" and/or has "but now" in it somewhere. <shrug>

Posted by nellievrolyk (Member # 1616) on :

Kathleen, the now action and the memories take place concurrently, so I don't think I'll be using 'and now...' <grin> But I will use a couple of extra 'had's at the end of each memory piece.

Posted by Bene_Gesserit (Member # 1675) on :

"the now action and the memories take place concurrently"

The tense and usage information provided so clearly here by Kathleen should not be forgotten. However, what I ask you is how well do you know your character? When you understand "her" completely then it will seem clear how she would "think" "deal" "talk" "change" and "switch". Write that.

Is your character "burning a candle" for he who is remembered? Is your character finally understanding "the enemy" to better thwart them? Does the character indulge in every psycho-pomp-drivel-wallow possible? One character might have her thoughts always interrupted by the need to maintain appearances to serve her ruse. The other might find focusing on what to do difficult because of out of control emotion. Does your character talk to her dog of all her feelings and memories?

Sending an answer to me doesn't matter, when your character truly lives you will have yours.

Posted by nellievrolyk (Member # 1616) on :

Thanks BG!

I do know my character very well...

And I do indicate that each piece is a flashback/memory by using the following lines: "I was overcome by the memory..." and "I plunged back into the memory..." and "The memories flowed over me..."

I thought that might not be enough to make it clear that those pieces are memories. Silly isn't it?

Posted by Bene_Gesserit (Member # 1675) on :

I think what you do is enough.