I can only remember wanting to not be seen with my parents when I was that age, but I'm sure there must be something.
 

They must grow out of it because my wife is great.
 

Jon
 

I'd say, if it is a weekday activity, it sounds repetitive - like a ride to soccer practice, or hebrew school or something at the jcc, or an after school club meeting, or a part-time job after school, or a music or dance lesson, or a meeting with the other parent if parents are divorced (actually, that might not happen or the parent who forgot who could get in big trouble), or a driver's ed lesson! (ok, the driving age in Hawaii is 15, so you can get your permit earlier...)

If it is not a regularly scheduled activity, then there are tons of other possibilities. The hair/nail appt before a dance/prom, the sleepover at a friend's house, etc.

Now, when you say not wanting to be seen with your parents, it makes it sound like she is doing something every week, and will be upset if the parent is not there to participate or watch. That could work for a weekly game (soccer, softball) - especially if you are team mom/dad. Maybe if she and the parent are taking a class together - like ballroom dancing, or a martial art (!), or an exercise class - if the parent can't go or misses it, then she misses it, and feels like the parent doesn't consider doing things together important...

I raced with my dad on his boat when I was young - I would have been upset if he had to cancel a race for some reason I did not consider important.

Just some thoughts, based on different interpretations of your message!
 

I can't think of a regular weekday activity, but I know that my sister who seemed to be forever embarrassed by Mom and Dad would have been HIGHLY offended if they BOTH didn't show up for her band concerts.

I suppose guys are a little different. I don't remember caring if Mom and Dad were around for my football games, baseball games, or my track meets. Of course, they were always there. I don't remember being embarrassed by them, but I do recall thinking they were both rather stupid.
 

I used to teach marching band, and we had a strict punctuality policy (terribly ironic if you know my own personal track record on such things, but...). One day this girl shows up about ten minutes late and I'm watching her and her mother stroll in. The girl takes her place on the field and mother marches right up to me. Thinking she's going to greet me warmly with a smile and thankme for my time, as most parents were prone to do, I smiled and extended my hand to shake hers.

But when she reached me she opened her mouth and unleashed a torrent of anger. She was completely vexed that we would be so demanding of her daughters time and how hard it is for her to get there on time and "I don't appreciate being yelled at in my car by my daughter for ten minutes while we race through traffic to get here."

Well...sorry. I can't help how your daughter reacts to stress, but I'd say that anything revolving around transportation would get a teen girl pretty ticked. So, apparently, does punctuality. Or stress. Or anything embarassing (we made it VERY embarassing to show up late). OR...you know what...It doesn't seem that it really takes a whole lot to get under a teenage girl's skin...

It was humiliating being the ONLY child left waiting on the front steps of the school, or standing around in front of the Junior High with all my carpool 'buddies' waiting for my mom to come--late again. The worst part was listening to them complain about it.

Kids need to be able to depend on the adults around them, and when the adults let them down it can cut deeply--deeper than the adults often realize.

As a result of this I've become hypersensitive about being dependable for my kids. I have near-panic attacks if something comes up and I'm late to pick them up--even though my oldest soothes me and tells me not to sweat it.

Still, I've flubbed up on occasion. I plumb forgot to pick them up from school on an early day once--they were out at one and it was nearly two before they were finally able to get a hold of me. I felt awful. My son had been crying--he was six or seven then.

I don't know if my mother ever felt awful about being late all the time--she certainly didn't feel bad enough to try to change.

Whew! Thanks for the therapy moment!
Hope my pain helps you out, Mary.

I asked my daughter (12). She said it would be something important to her, some kind of special event, like an orchestra concert.

[This message has been edited by djvdakota (edited August 23, 2004).]

[This message has been edited by djvdakota (edited August 23, 2004).]
 

Jon
 

I see myself becoming them in many ways. Scares the hell out of me! I can curse a blue-streak just like my Dad. But when I see myself becoming them it really only reinforces my resolve NOT to become like them. Hubby helps me watch out for those things and I keep an eye on him for those things about his parents that annoy him.

Don't get me wrong. My parents are good people with many good traits that I hope to inherit. But the hurt of standing there alone facing an absolutely empty parking lot and a highway full of cars that were not my mother's has left a permanent mark on my pshyche that, I believe, will keep me from becoming her in that way.

I'll just be a horrid mother in some other way that my children will vilify me for on some other online forum.

Hey, what a great therapy moment we have going here--though a bit off topic, eh?

So I'll turn it back to writing:

I have a book called The Writer's Mentor (which I wrote a review for for the Sept issue of SFFW). In one chapter the author discusses the question of whether a scarred childhood is necessary for success as a writer. Her answer in a nutshell: Not necessarily. But it is an uncommon childhood, a lonely childhood, that often fosters the kind of mindset it takes to be a writer--one steeped in imagination because the reality is too boring, lonely, or horrible, what have you. Hmmm. Sounds like an interesting new thread, eh?