I frequently will cut sentences into fragments, or begin a new sentence with the words And or Because, simply because, at times, I like the flow a lot better.
I've heard before that it's okay to break the rules, so long as you know the rules, but I'm wondering if agents/editors/publishers frown at manuscripts that, say, begin a lot of new sentences with the word And or But.
He absolutely loathed pickles. But he wasn't about to let John steal one.
He stabbed John with a pineapple. And John died.
He knew the people would rather die than eat bacon. Because they were fatter than God's whole universe.
Posted by Rhaythe (Member # 7857) on :
Do you really need a new sentance to establish that flow? Would a semi-colon or a few trailing periods establish that effectively enough?
He absolutely loathed pickles... but he wasn't about to let John steal one.
He stabbed John with a pineapple; John died.
He knew the people would rather die than eat bacon -- they were fatter than God's whole universe.
Posted by Bent Tree (Member # 7777) on :
It seems to bother me when a manuscript is riddled with sentences like that. I tend to overlook a few. I cannot speak for editors. I would assume the same to be true with them. Unless mechanical errors take me from the flow of the story, I read on--that is if the story is good.
I love this sentence:
quote:He stabbed John with a pineapple. And John died.
I will give you an Indian Nickel if you let me keep it.
Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :
Well, it adds a certain effect, and should be used only when that effect is required. Yes, too many sentences like that, like any over used device, will quickly become tired and gimmicky.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
You can definitely go overboard with conjunctions starting sentences, but I do think sometimes they put the emphasis in the right place. I usually do it when I'm emphasizing the but. I almost never do it with an and. I'm not sure why.
If what you're doing works, then publishers will be ok with it. If it doesn't work, then they won't. The best way to gauge this is to ask for feedback.
Posted by TaleSpinner (Member # 5638) on :
In almost every book I read the author breaks one rule or another--often several. For me this is evidence that publishers and editors are fine with rule-breaking, as long as it works. After all, they want fresh writing to publish, not "me too" stuff.
And it doesn't annoy me. I feel one should know the rules, yet feel free to break them--but knowingly, not in igorance. Because that's one way to write with impact, passion and flow.
Cheers, Pat
Posted by JeanneT (Member # 5709) on :
I break rules all the time. I use sentence fragments and start sentences with a conjunction, etc. It's important not to overdo those though or they lose their impact.
Posted by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (Member # 59) on :
Nice job, Talespinner.
Posted by JustInProse (Member # 7872) on :
Something that is very important to keep in mind, is that the more popular and famous the writer, the more he/she can get away with it. King, Grisham, and Koontz aren't goint to have an editor send back a letter saying, "Yeah...it was great and all, but you broke too many rules." (Unless it obviously ruined the book.)
For a new writer, that walking into the darkness must be done slowly.
I agree though, it should, and MUST be done. (They mention this in Finding Forrester, one of my favorite movies.)
Posted by Writing Anne (Member # 7840) on :
This is an interesting topic. In writing, I do it occasionally but I really try to only do it when I feel it adds a needed emphasis. In photography, when newbies start out, they get "the rules" pounded into their heads. When they try to break the rules, their images are ripped apart and they're told to not even attempt it because it doesn't look right. However, when newbie photographers complain, "But (insert name of famous photographer here) did it and everyone praised them for it" the response is always, "Well, you're not famous or that experienced yet. Get over it." I think that's applicable to writing. Starting out and being fairly new to the world of writing and publishing and being an unknown doesn't allow one to break as many rules (although they are still expected to be creative and original, just like in photography) as some of the big name well known authors out there. Once someone gets a little more established, I'm sure it gets a lot easier to rule bend without being eyed critically.
Posted by smncameron (Member # 7392) on :
Not begining sentences with but, is to me, an artificial rule. That is to say, fierce enforcement will result in sentences which are less imderstandable.
Posted by Patrick James (Member # 7847) on :
I too appreciate the effect of fragmented sentences and probably overuse them. Which is why I have people here look at the work--to keep my amount of these sentences realistic.
And stabbing someone with a pineapple is one of the funnyiest things I have read in a long time.
Posted by Robert Nowall (Member # 2764) on :
I would probably have made them one sentence, with commas. But I'd'a probably described John's death in detail if it were onstage at all...how the pineapple slipped between his ribs and all the gore and blood flowing over it and out of John...how John in his last moments wondered whether the pineapple came from Hawaii or somewhere else...all that detail stuff...
Posted by JustInProse (Member # 7872) on :
I would have to say, the strongest part about the line with the stabbing of the pineapple, is it's simplistic nature. With a line like that, I would except a break, especially because it emphasizes the pineapple, makes you stop, then you get to where he died.
I'm serious. Put that in a story :P I would read it. (Opening line)
