Hatrack River Writers Workshop: on the nose dialogue

This is topic on the nose dialogue in forum Open Discussions About Writing at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by arriki (Member # 3079) on :

I see this referred to in many writing texts.

What do people here think of it?

Posted by extrinsic (Member # 8019) on :

On-the-nose dialogue is wooden dialogue and could be considered an authorial intrusion. It's a matter of the narrative arch where the writer provides too much information for the reader to understand what's going on.

See http://johnaugust.com/jawiki/on_the_nose

Posted by Gardener (Member # 7948) on :

An example would be:

"Hi John. I haven't seen you since the car accident that killed your twin sister Jill, who had all the mental problems."

Characters telling each other things that they should know. Or loads of exposition in awkward dialog. It doesn't work.

Posted by Devnal (Member # 6724) on :

ha! I'm gonna steAl that for a story idea!

j/k

[This message has been edited by Devnal (edited September 22, 2008).]

Posted by arriki (Member # 3079) on :

So, what aspects make it "wooden" dialogue?

Posted by annepin (Member # 5952) on :

It's wooden because it's too expository. It's not natural. Hardly anyone speaks like that. People talking don't usually state stuff they both know they know.

[This message has been edited by annepin (edited September 22, 2008).]

Posted by extrinsic (Member # 8019) on :

Wooden dialogue lacks causality, tension, antagonism, conflict, subtext, and context. As far as story is concerned, it provides nothing of interest or emotional stimulation to the reader.

I've identified four levels of dialogue;

Casual conversational dialogue, pleasantries, introductions and such. They read like the foreign language lessons I took in high school;

Hola, Isabel. ¿Como está? Hello, Beth. How are you?
Estoy bien. ¿Y tú? I'm fine. What about you?

Casual conversation doesn't have to be that wooden.

Expository dialogue relates necessary information better than in narrative, but is widely deprecated.

"Didn't you just go to the moon?" Jane said.
"Yes, but I forgot to bring back the tritium," Melvin said.

Context dialogue or subtext dialogue provides the reader with information that can be understood but isn't directly related. It involves the reader in the story, but might be too obtuse without wrapping narrative context. It requires interpretation.

"What do you want for dinner?" Mark asked.
"Whatever you want," Mary said.
"I want Chinese." Mark picked up the phone.
"We just had Chinese last night."
"How about pizza?"
"I'm tired of take-in." Mary said.
"We've got to eat something. I'm hungry."
"Suit yourself." Mary said. She walked into the kitchen and made a sandwich in the darkened room.
Mark glared at her silhouette hunched over the dining table pinching bites from the sandwich.
"Fine. I'm going to the bar."

Causal dialogue provides direct information that is essential to the plot, to increasing tension, to antagonism.

"That hurt," she said.
"So? You asked for it," he said.
"I didn't ask to be slapped."
"You asked me to wake you up from this nightmare of a marriage. Now you've got what you wanted, grounds for divorce."
"I don't want a divorce. I want back the passionate man that I married."

Causal dialogue is like playing badminton with a live hand grenade.

[This message has been edited by extrinsic (edited September 22, 2008).]

Posted by aspirit (Member # 7974) on :

Information known by both parties can be removed from the dialogue and still shared with the reader. Example:

"Hi John. I haven't seen you since the car accident."
John startled at the mention of the accident that killed Jill. Memories of the struggle with his twin sister's mental problems and the day of her death rushed in on him. Most people were kind enough to mention anything that might remind him of her.

Posted by steffenwolf (Member # 8250) on :

I had to bring up this very old thread, because I got a laugh out of Gardener's post. Partly because I know someone who talks like that, to an even greater degree:
"Hi John, I haven't seen you since the car accident that killed your twin sister Jill, who had all the mental problems, like my cousin Charlie, you know, the one who lived in the trailer park outside Jackson, where Jack and I used to go when we wanted to eat Chinese food, we haven't gone there for awhile because Chinese food gives me gas, Jack still wants to, but I always joke he's going to regret it later when we're in bed, and...

Gardener said:

>>An example would be:
>>"Hi John. I haven't seen you since the car accident that >>killed your twin sister Jill, who had all the mental >>problems."

>>Characters telling each other things that they should know. >>Or loads of exposition in awkward dialog. It doesn't work.

Posted by steffenwolf (Member # 8250) on :

Of course, just because I know someone who talks like that, isn't a good reason to put it in a story. :P

Posted by Doc Brown (Member # 1118) on :

Extrinsic, your explanation is wonderful. Thanks for posting it.