I wrote a short story(very short, actually—under 2,000 words) and was just wondering what a regular audience would think of it. It’s an amalgam of several situations, some fictional some not, some mine some others. I did it more as a writing exercise, but thought it was halfway decent. Just wanted to see if any one agreed. Let me know if you're interested in reading it so I can e-mail it to you.
Thanks,
JOHN!
He finally figured it out. Driving in his car on a rainy, windy, bitterly cold Saturday afternoon, the day after Valentine’s Day to be exact, he had figured it out. Odd, he thought, cracking his window, lighting a cigarette, though he knew he shouldn’t, considering the exorbitant amount he had already smoked only a few hours past noon. He always assumed that once you came up with an answer, a solution was supposed to follow. While he had found the answer, he was no where near finding the solution to rectifying his situation.
[This message has been edited by JOHN (edited February 17, 2003).]
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
Feels a bit like you're playing about and withholding information from the reader.
If there is some reason not to give the POV character a name or identifier right off, then...I'll read it just to find out if I think the reason is any good at all.
If not, then add it in with "exorbitant" smoking and "day after Valentine's Day to be exact" and other such oddities of phrase.
I'm not sure I like the "answer but no solution" angle all that much.
Posted by JOHN (Member # 1343) on :
I'll send it to you so you can tell me what you think. I never give any of the characters names, so it feels like it's happening to you. While I do give some specific information, I want the situation to be relatale as possible, and the stories not long enough that names would matter.
Anyway, I'll let you check it out, but be forwarned. I think we have totally different styles as I've listed a few of my influences and you said you don't like them, so our tastes differ dramatically, but I'd like your opinion nonetheless. It should be cmoing your way shortly.
JOHN!
Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :
I'd be willing to have a look
[This message has been edited by GZ (edited February 19, 2003).]
Posted by JOHN (Member # 1343) on :
GZ,
you should've gotta by now--sent it over a few minutes ago. Thanks
JOHN!
Posted by Sharp (Member # 1599) on :
What's up John? I am interested in reading your short story. swishersweets17@yahoo.com Thanks, Sharp
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
I'd be happy to take a look.
Posted by DragynGide (Member # 1448) on :
I'm uneasy with the concept of leaving out the characters' names, and that took my attention away from what was happening. The digression of the cigarette also took my attention away from something that I assumed was important, and I had to read the passage twice, skipping the cigarette thing the second time, to make the concepts being presented flow in my head. I agree with Survivor in that whatever has been figured out should be revealed up front; there's no reason not to do so, because the viewpoint character knows exactly what it is and is actively thinking about it. Also, if I knew what it was, I might begin to care about it; as this passage is presented, I simply found nothing to care about. I know that it's only a short snippet, but that's about how much I read of stories I pick up to see if they're any good....
Just my two cents based on what was posted.
Shasta
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
If you sent this, John, I never received it. Just wanted you to know I haven't been ignoring you.