Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Critique

This is topic Critique in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by cvgurau (Member # 1345) on :

Hey, who wants to read a story for me? And send some feedback, 'course. I sent it to a few people some months back, but they're apparently a little busy...or something.

Anyway, here's the obligatory first 13 lines (in Word). If you're interested, give me your e-mail address, and I'll send the thing in its entirety. It's just under 6ooo words.

quote:
His name was Helcorax, and he was a dragon, and like all other dragons--what few were left--his life was in constant danger. Dragons, it seemed, were a delicacy for those rich enough to afford quality dragon slayers, who, ironically, were also a dying breed. Or, perhaps more than irony, it was cruel fate’s misguided sense of justice.
In any case, the bounty on this dragon’s head--a sum that grew as the he aged--was large enough to tempt almost any man into taking up such a high-risk profession. Yet, because not every man was as talented with a sword or bow as they liked to believe, Helcorax and his kind were kept well fed, for no dragon slayer survived a failure.

Chris
"Laugh, and the world laughs with you."
"You can't change the world, but you can make a dent."
"Stupid people piss me off."

edited to add: I'm moving in with my sister for a while to help her with her kids, and she doesn't have the internet, so I'll only be able to check in every once in a while, when I make my way back home whenever I can. Sorry for any delay.

[This message has been edited by cvgurau (edited September 06, 2003).]

Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :

I'll take a look.

Posted by punahougirl84 (Member # 1731) on :

Looks interesting so far - I'll look too! Is the story for a class, or for submission for publication? And what type of feedback are you looking for? Anything, or are there specific areas you wish to have critiqued?

punahougirl84@yahoo.com

Lee

Posted by pooka (Member # 1738) on :

I'll have a look: pooka50@hotmail.com

Posted by pickled shuttlecock (Member # 1714) on :

Send it on over: af_haste at hotmail dot stupid dot com.

Take out the stupid dot to email me.

Posted by cvgurau (Member # 1345) on :

Punahougirl84 (what an interesting name; what's it mean?) -- Like most my stories, it's more to get it out of my system than for anything else, but if I hear all the right things from my critiquers*, I'll consider submitting it. As for the types of feedback, I'm looking for the best kind: the honest kind. Just tell me what you really think, and you can do no wrong.

Chris
"Laugh, and the world laughs with you."
"You can't change the world, but you can make a dent."
"Stupid people piss me off."

*by all the right things, I mean undying adoration and worship of every word I write. Of course.

PS -- I'll send it to all of you as soon as I give it one final once-over. Per the instructions of Mr. Stephen King himself, I've waited an appropriate amount of time before editing the final draft, so I'd have it fresh in mind. Expect it by end of the business day on Wednesday, at the latest.

Maybe.

Or maybe when I feel like it

[This message has been edited by cvgurau (edited September 07, 2003).]

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

If this is a final draft, then why are you asking for critiques?

I dislike the info dump aspect (which appears to me an unnecessary encumbrance, since the "last of the dragons" backstory is already known to your audiance), but I like the "last of the dragons" sub-genre, so I'll take a look if you're willing to subject yourself to some criticism. I might like reading it whether or not you want feedback, at that.

Posted by cvgurau (Member # 1345) on :

Perhaps I misspoke. Perhaps, instead of "final draft", I should have said "one of the final drafts. In any case, I'd appreciate any input, good or bad.

Chris

Posted by punahougirl84 (Member # 1731) on :

Thanks for asking - and return the favor: is yours based on your name? The answer: Punahou School is a K-12 college prep school in Hawaii, and I had the fortune to go there all 13 years. My 3 younger sisters went too. My father went there, and my mom's mom when her family was out there... It has been a major part of my life. And you can guess the year I graduated! And my gender... :-)

Interestingly enough, I don't think I ever actually got much encouragement in writing while I was there. Not that I did not learn to write well - I just was not much of a creative writer. I think I can be. I think in my subconscious my interest in writing will almost be to prove them wrong - but mostly I like the idea of writing stories.

Anyway, I look forward to reading yours, and hope I can critique it appropriately. I appreciate you answering the questions I posted - it will help.

Lee

Posted by cvgurau (Member # 1345) on :

That's nice, naming yourself after your school. I personally have never gone to any one school for more than four years, because I moved around a few times when I was younger. I think that's what developed my interest in reading; I'd read during the long drives after the hand-held video games became too boring.

As for my name, it's no big mystery. Cristian Victor Gurau. cvgurau. pretty simple, really.

Chris