This is topic "Paint, Blood, and Ashes" -- Crit Request in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.


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Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
 
This is a short short story (< 1,500 words) titled "Paint and Bloody Ashes." Its kind of a dark fantasy, although I'm hesitant to label it that. Actually, I could use some help with the classification. Here are the first thirteen lines:

Timothy heard his father’s voice, ten years after his death, floating through the still air. It was something he had gotten used to in prison: the shrill screams and epithets that no one heard but him, the midnight burns and midmorning cuts, the curses and profanity -- like a serpent’s hiss -- that spat at him alone.

The dead never changed their minds. The inky-black veil of silence that hung between those still drawing breath and those with only the memory of doing so, somehow dampened change. Those that died with an opinion were stuck with it until the strands of time itself unraveled and frayed.


If anyone would be willing to read the rest and give me some feedback, I'd greatly appreciate it and be willing to reciprocate.

[This message has been edited by Rahl22 (edited October 27, 2003).]
 


Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :
 
I'd be willing to take a look.
 
Posted by Phanto (Member # 1619) on :
 
Send it over to mon email: yos@gis.net
 
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
 
I'll read it, if you like.
 


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