Anyway, this is a Fugitive-esque story set about 150 years ahead of present day. It involves a classified military project where the brains of critically wounded soldiers are placed in Cerebral Combat Units. Think of them as Terminators with human minds behind the proverbial wheel. In this story, a soldier regains consciousness during the 'programming' or 'control' phase of the procedure...the part where the scientists virtually eliminate a warrior's will. Naturally, my character doesn't appreciate this. That's all I'll say. You may not understand a few things just by reading the first lines, so keep that in mind. The first seven pages have a degree of technical complexity that cannot be easily summed up (nor would I want to). Any and all comments are (as always) extremely appreciated, folks.
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"Anomaly"
I am not like the others. I am different. With the realization, thoughts began to pass through John Morrow’s mind like the thundering cascade of Niagara Falls, back on Earth. Information surfaced in response to the unspoken analogy—a video file of some kind, complete with the deafening roar of white water. Data flashed before his mind’s augmented eye, an endless stream of statistics and probabilities. Tactical profiles of targets in close proximity to the falls were displayed, as well as the best routes to said targets within required stealth parameters.
Detailed threat assessments—everything from air superiority factors to ground troops’ weaponry—rose to join the growing tempest of sensory overload. He blinked, struggling to clear the information from his mind, to escape this conscious nightmare. Just as the expanding maelstrom seemed like it was about to shatter his sanity, the thoughts vanished as abruptly as they had appeared. The storm was over, for the moment.
Morrow blinked again, slowly this time, trying to focus on the area around him. Powerful optical sensors came online, as if responding to his silent appeal. Suddenly, the chamber in which he was standing sprang into focus—incredible focus.
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So? Any thoughts?
Inkwell
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"The difference between a writer and someone who says they want to write is merely the width of a postage stamp."
-Anonymous
Inkwell
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"The difference between a writer and someone who says they want to write is merely the width of a postage stamp."
-Anonymous
Two questions, though. Did you read the thread (and I forget where it was) about what information you should post with your fragment and what information you should not post unless asked?
And the second, how big a chunk are we talking here?
Any other questions are, for the moment, not very relevant
quote:
Posted by Survivor:
Did you read the thread (and I forget where it was) about what information you should post with your fragment and what information you should not post unless asked?
Actually, I don't recall reading such a thread. I’ll attempt to find and read through it. Thanks for bringing this to my attention (especially if I am 'violating' board 'rules' unknowingly).
quote:
And the second, how big a chunk are we talking here?
Seven pages (single-spaced) so far, with approximately 3,703 words…as Microsoft Word figures it. I know the ‘word count’ feature can be a little off from time to time, though it shouldn’t matter in this case. The section covers the introductory scene and what you could call the 'rising action' element (or the beginning of it, at least). I'm not really sure how long the finished product will be, since my plot notes and timeline have a lot of unused material waiting to be incorporated. I hope this answers your question.
Inkwell
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"The difference between a writer and someone who says they want to write is merely the width of a postage stamp."
-Anonymous
It turns out that was a short thread, and not much information was posted. And they weren't rules or anything like that. It was purely practical information on what is useful to mention and what is going to hamper your ability to get good feedback. I mentioned it because your opening here is introducing the reader to the concept of a man waking up as the central processing unit of a war machine...so to get our take on how well you're succeeding, it would be better if you didn't tell us that until after we've had a chance to read the opening.
Not a rule or a matter of courtesy, just a matter of practical behavior.
Inkwell
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"The difference between a writer and someone who says they want to write is merely the width of a postage stamp."
-Anonymous