Mary, I hope you don't mind but you gave me the idea to try my hand at a 69-word short short short story. It is REALLY tough. What do y'all think?
I went ahead and deleted this because I, too, was worried about posting an entire story (no mattter how short) As it happens, I went ahead and submitted this to the contest Mary mentioned, so at this point advice won't really help me. Thanks everyone for your thoughts.
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited May 21, 2004).]
Posted by UnheardOf (Member # 2022) on :
I like it. Short and spooky.
I would have said "They failed," instead of "They tried." But that's me. (I would probably have made them senior citzens, too. I'm strange that way.)
Looks like the type of thing the site likes, too.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
I agree.....I'm going to change it right now! Posted by Kickle (Member # 1934) on :
That was great Christine.I admire your ability to boil everything down and still have a amusing story.It gave me an idea of how the 69 word story is suppose to work.
Posted by GZ (Member # 1374) on :
I liked it. It had the full arc of a plot, just in summary, with a smidge of detail.
I don't quite see how when 1 of the 13 became the killer, he could have fresh bloodlust to kill the first 5. It isn't fresh because their wasn't a first killing, just a transformation of sides, if you will.
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
It read like poetry. Was that intentional? I thought it was a bit distracting (disjointed, kind of), although I liked the idea of the story.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
Well, Rahl, to be honest, I'm not sure there's any other way to make a story 69 words without sounding a little like poetry and a little disjointed. It was not intentional, though, no. I hate poetry with a passion, come to think of it. Posted by EricJamesStone (Member # 1681) on :
It's a cool little story, Christine. I especially like the twist at the end.
As always, my criticism is offered on a take-it-if-it-works-for-you-and-ignore-it-if-it-doesn't basis.
The main concern I have with it is that it's very distant in tone, very much a "told" story. And it reads a bit too much like a sing-song poem, although perhaps it's the similarity to the poem in "And Then There Were None" that makes me feel that way.
When I write extremely short stories, rather than tell the whole story from the beginning, I start right before the end and imply the prior plot. That seems to work best if the story is meant to put a twist on the end of a fairly cliched main plot, which is what this story does.
Doing it that way allows you to show an actual (if short) scene, rather than just "telling" the story, and I think that might be more effective.
Posted by teddyrux (Member # 1595) on :
I liked it. It had a comic, poetic feel to it. It made me smile.
Rux :}
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
On what planet....
Who came up with this idea?
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
Actually, I think it's a great exercise. My local paper had a similar sixty-word contest, which I now wish I had entered. I thought it impossible till I tried it after I read the published entries. They were awesome.
Trouble is, should anyone post their entries here? If the thirteen-word limit has to do with a fraction of the whole, then posting nano-fiction on site constitutes full publication. Either that or all we can do is publish one or two words.
Posted by Kolona (Member # 1438) on :
"Seeing thirteen" is the only part of the whole that seems out of place, Christine. The rest works.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts.