I silently stepped into the dusty, old room. Surprisingly, nothing much had changed in contrast to the foreign, refurbished city around it. I couldn’t believe that it had not been destroyed after all these years, still appearing almost untouched, hidden away like a buried treasure, as if it was forgotten for centuries.
I never dreamt that I would have the courage to return to Nanking. Though I had long departed from this place, until now my mind has still lived inside it. Sighing, I gazed blankly at the battered walls, a cascade of memories flooded back into my head. Here, I had encountered great melancholy, but also immense happiness. I embraced the memories freely, as my mind wondered back to the time, and a place, now swept away. Where my story began all those years ago……………….
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It was the mid-December of 1941, halfway through the infamous War of Resistance between China and the Japanese. At the time I was living in the small village of Tae-Kung in South Korea, and had no idea that I very soon would become part of that tragic war. I had just turned 18 the previous June, two years past the traditional age of marriage for Korean women, but most people in my country were too preoccupied with surviving the tyranny of Japanese rule to honour such customs.
I think that you could get rid of silently in the first sentence. In the second paragraph, 'gazed blankly' could be changed (IMO) to something like stared intently (sp)
'at the battered walls, a cascade of memories flooded back into my head'
that could be changed (IMO) to something different, like, " a torrent of memories came rushing back to me from a time, that I had forgotten, until recently." or something like that.
Just some thoughts.
-Bryan-
HSO
And what is your future here on Hatrack after we're done making an 'A' paper for you?
Pardon me for sounding harsh, but I really don't think that's what this site is for. Try the Young Writer's forum. I think help from your peers would be more appropriate than help from us.
If I'm making some snap judgments, I apologize. But I have little evidence from your previous posts to indicate that you have any deeper motives for being here.