The subject line SHOULD read "The City of Silver". Sorry, my badneth.
OOPS AGAIN!
About 4400 words. Some good.
--------------------
I have a Prologue and a partial first chapter of a fantasy novel for someone to read and answer the question above. Actually, I'd like several opinions, if enough people are interested.
Pretty please?
Here are the first few lines of the Prologue and the first few lines of Chapter 1 of The City of Silver:
A Prologue to Change
The flood of human life is often likened to a river. It pulses, waxes and wanes according to rhythms older than man. In the eyes of those sufficiently far away, the many-stranded flow of human life seems much the same; it too waxes and wanes. As compared to this great flow, the lives of individuals are not often visible except when the restless current flings small lives briefly into view. ...
...
Chapter 1 - Change In The Wind
The end of Clan Therios came shortly after dawn, in that sweet morning air that is the child of night and the harbinger of summer.
...
Thankee kindly,
Mike
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited July 29, 2004).]
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited July 29, 2004).]
I prefer Word doc sent as an attachment.
For my part, I will often skip the prologue, until I have been drawn into a story, and then I'll go back and read it.
Mike
By the way, if anyone cares, on the question of whether the prologue helps or hinders, the vote is currently: Hinders=1 Helps=0.
Actually the vote is that the Prologue hinders and my writing generally sucks. :-(
Actually, I'm quite embarassed, not by my writing (how can I expect to be good on the first try?) but by that fact that I have apparently inflicted poor writing on persons of good will, who are being helpful.
So, if anyone else looks at this, don't waste your time reading my work, yet. I'll ask for more help when it improves.
Thanks!
PS If you're already looking at it, please do respond, anyway, and don't feel it is necessary to pull any punches, I won't be offended. I will learn from anything you have to say!!!
Mike
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited July 30, 2004).]
Anyway, "hyperexpostulates" would be more accurate.
ROFL!!
Hah! I love it! Great repartee, Survivor!
And you know what? I'm going to keep on writing anyway!
Say! When I get it down to just "overexpostulates" would you be willing to look it over again?
Really.
Mike
However, I think Survivor probably meant it to mean something more like the "that blows chunks".
Hope I didn't put you off your food, Survivor.
No?
Anyway, I'm betting that you don't speak or write this way in everyday life, I haven't noticed any histrionics in your posts, at any rate. So I'd guess that you can tone it down quite easily.
quote:
Her companion was startling, at first, in the physical beauty that showed through the dirt. Helmut could have been a god, from the waist up, and if his inner spirit had matched even that half he would have commanded armies, owned lands, and inspired fear. As it was he inspired only contempt in those who viewed him now. For if ever a man could have overcome the deformity of the twisted, stunted legs that bore him, surely the man of that face could have. Surely the man who wore that noble visage would encounter life head on, and demand respect, even from his enemies. But the man who crouched at Marta's side, trembling, was a thief. He stole hope from all who looked at him and saw the groveling wretch he was. He stole dreams from the eyes of the young and brave memories from the old; for he was a man who feared, above all, feared life and living.
"Helmut, on the other hand, was not impressive. He was physically handsome, but the first thing people noticed about him was that he was afraid. It showed in the way he stood, in the way he often looked ahead, then furtively, behind. People disliked him on sight because his fear stirred theirs. He scared them."
quote:
He stole hope from all who looked at him and saw the groveling wretch he was. He stole dreams from the eyes of the young and brave memories from the old; for he was a man who feared, above all, feared life and living.
Anything you and anyone else have to say, I am willing to learn from. If you have the time and the willingness to do more, then YES, PLEASE! and THANK YOU!!!!!!
quote:
Helmut, on the other hand, was not impressive. He was physically handsome, but the first thing people noticed about him was that he was afraid. It showed in the way he stood, in the way he often looked ahead, then furtively, behind. People disliked him on sight because his fear stirred theirs. He scared them.Worse, he was a thief. He stole hope when they saw the hopeless wretch he was. He stole dreams from the eyes of the young and brave memories from the old. For although Helmut was young and handsome, he was mostly just a man who feared, above all; feared life and living.
There, I think that's better. Survivor, may I ask your opinion yet once more? Please? You don't have to like it, just let me know if you think it is improving.
Of course, eventually you'll need to figure out what POV you're using
Someone is going to have to join the boards with the user name "POV Nazi" so that everyone can first wonder if it is me and then we can all have a showdown to see who is the strictest about POV.
Anyway, just so you know it's there.