Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Three In Chamber

This is topic Three In Chamber in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by HSO (Member # 2056) on :

SF/Humor 10,000 words. Many allusions to profanity, but no actual vulgarites were used in the writing of this story. Still, there is some adult humor and sexuality (but no actual descriptions of any particular act -- only allusions).

The idea for this story came from MaryRobinette's burglarly a short while ago. She mentioned her PDA was stolen. This got me thinking about how much I'd miss my PDA if something happened to it. One idea lead to another and to another and to another and Wha-la! Story.

I didn't expect it to be this long, and my wife insists it could be turned into a novel-length story if I wanted to. For some reason, the idea of writing a novel scares me. I much prefer short stories over novels any day. Who knows what'll happen. [EDIT: MS Word says it's only 8500 words or so... I suppose that's because there's whole sections of fast moving dialogue... Just FYI.]

Honest and blunt feedback always appreciated. Critiques also welcomed, but due to the size, if you wish to only do a section or two, that's fine by me. It's hard to devote time to a long story. Many thanks in advance.
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Three In Chamber

Collapsing into an overstuffed, black leather chair in his studio apartment, Razz Chamber wished the voices in his head would stop their bickering already.

“Listen,” he said, “I’ll permanently delete your programs if you don’t quit it.”

The voices ignored his bluff, carrying on with their five-day old argument about which of them was the better COMPANION. They were driving him crazy.

Crazier.

The old man across the hall in apartment 76 once told Razz that in his day--who knew how far back that was... ’22 maybe?--people said you were crazy if you heard voices in your head; they’d lock you away and give you electroshock treatment to cure you. These days, people said you were crazy if you didn’t have at least one.

And everyone had at least one COMPANION.

Razz had three. And they hated each other.

[This message has been edited by HSO (edited August 15, 2004).]

Posted by Jeraliey (Member # 2147) on :

Hi there! Can I see it? It sounds like a lot of fun!!!

Posted by goatboy (Member # 2062) on :

Send it over. 10k will take me a little while, but I'll have a peek.

Posted by Cathy Perdue (Member # 7987) on :

Sounds good. I'd like to read it.

Posted by djvdakota (Member # 2002) on :

Can I just have a bit? I'll leave it up to you which bit. 3000 word max.

Prefer MSWord sent as an attachment.

Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :

I like the technology described. If you need another reader, send it over.

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

Sounds interesting. If this is for an SF market, you might be over explicating things a bit, but it is quite interesting.

Anyway, I can crit it if you like.

Posted by babylonfreek (Member # 2097) on :

I'll read it if you want.

I have the opposite problem BTW. Every time I try to write a short it becomes the base for a novel. I just can't set up everything I want and then wrap it up in 10,000 words or less. I have now around five novel projects that stated as shorts, to go along with my six-novel series...

*sigh*

Posted by Keeley (Member # 2088) on :

Please, please, please let me read it. I love stories about voices in people's heads. Mostly non-fiction, but that's not the point.

10k will take me a while, but I'm willing to put in the time if you're willing to wait a few days for a critique.

Posted by Warrior Poet (Member # 2139) on :

Send it all. I like the idea. Get back to you a quickly as I can.

But send it to hillcresthomeboy@yahoo.com

The server on the email posted here sucks giant boulders through a coffee straw!

Peace.

[This message has been edited by Warrior Poet (edited August 19, 2004).]