Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Shining Armor

This is topic Shining Armor in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Keeley (Member # 2088) on :

This is the story I was talking about in Open Discussions. I know this idea's been worked to death, but I thought I could put a new twist on it.

Anyway, it's based on the whole knight/dragon/damsel in distress conflict, so it's got a strong romance flavor. That's why I'm posting it at the same time as "Royal Blue"...I don't think that many people here will be as interested in this kind of story. (I'm sorry if I've broken any unspoken etiquette by the way.)

This happens to be the revised version, but I still don't like the ending. Each time I try to write it, I end up planning out a novel in my head.

I'm toying with switching this from first person to 3PLO. It would help me end it with a greater sense of finality. But I like the informality of first person for this character.

It's about 7,500 words long.

***

First off, I’ve had a lot of time on my hands the past few days. I’ve been taking some time off from work for...personal reasons. Don’t ask.

Anyway, the paper was lying half off the coffee table as if it were just as bored as I was, so I picked it up and started flipping through the various sections. I kind of got mentally lost in the black and white contrasts until I found I was glancing through the Personals. When I was in college, back in the old days before the Internet took off, I used them as my regular source of entertainment. Some people watch soaps, I read the Personals. The words of the first ad I read seemed to leap off the page the instant my eyes fell on them:

***

And if I put down any more, I'll break the thirteen line rule.

[This message has been edited by Keeley (edited September 03, 2004).]

Posted by autumnmuse (Member # 2136) on :

I'll give it a read. Also, if you keep thinking of a novel for this, what's wrong with that? Maybe your subconscious won't let you really end it because it should be a novel?
Just a thought.

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

I'll try it.

Posted by Edmund (Member # 2044) on :

Send it on; just so long as you know it will be after this weekend until I actualy can read it.

Posted by Phanto (Member # 1619) on :

Well, firstly, I love the way it starts -- really smoothly.

Whatever. Send it to me. dgwriting AT hotmail DOT com

Posted by Keeley (Member # 2088) on :

Sorry it's taken me so long to get these sent out. Flu bug got me this weekend.

The stories are on the way.

Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :

I would be willing to read it too. I gotta know what that personal says.

Posted by Phanto (Member # 1619) on :

Did you get my email? Just curious/paranoid...

Posted by xarius (Member # 2168) on :

I would like to read it. You got my attention.

Posted by Keeley (Member # 2088) on :

Yeah. Did you get my reply?

Just in case I didn't send it, thank you for your comments. They helped quite a bit.

And to all, I've decided to change the POV and turn this into something larger. It's been mentioned by more than one person, and my instinct agrees, that the complexities are a bit much for a short story.

So, if you have a review pending on this, I won't expect one from you. Unless, of course, you want to point out specific problems I had with my style, in which case I'll be more than happy to receive your comments.

If you still want to take a look, xarius, I'll send you the original to which the above fragment belongs.

Posted by xarius (Member # 2168) on :

Sorry Keeley, life has conspired to keep me from my computer. I'd still like to read your story, but since you are changing it, I don't know if it would be of any help right now. I'll leave it up to you. Thanks.