The bus seat was hard and rigid. It hurt to slouch, it hurt to sit up, and I was tired.
The bus window vibrated with the engine and jumped with every little bump in the road. It wasn’t a good place to lean your head on.
It was damn near one in the morning and headlights still blinded me in the road. You have to wonder, what the hell are all those people out there doing?
I mean, I knew what I was doing.
But them, all those people on the road late at night, I didn’t know why they were there. And I probably never would. They all have their own little lives and their own little
thoughts and their own sentience.
That always bugged me. My sentient self isn’t special, everyone is conscious. Some less than others, yeah, but they all have thoughts, like me.
What the hell they all think about, I don’t know. That bugs me too.
****, a lot bugs me.
Just kidding.
About sending documents, it's nice when you post something to A) tell us how long the entire story/scene/chapter is (by word count), B) tell us genre if it can't be discerned from the fragment, C) tell what kind of software format it is in, but generally only if it is something not readily compatible with Word. As for receiving documents, those who request can specify how they prefer to receive (ie. "I prefer Word documents sent as an attachment").
About starting out on the boards, it's crucial, if you're going to have a solid place in the repartee, to give as much as you take by way of comments in the threads and critiques of others' work. Those who do nothing but take don't last long here--but then they were never really serious about it in the first place.
About your fragment, it sounds interesting. I'm drawn in, mainly by the odd characterization. The guy's obviously a bit tilted--that's intriguing for me. But then maybe I'm a bit tilted, too.
A few nitpicks:
The first two paragraphs start out identically---"The bus..." Change that.
Fourth sentence ends in a preposition--one you don't even need.
Fifth sentence, I'm wondering, if he's riding in a bus, why is he torturing himself by continuously staring into the headlights of oncoming cars, needlessly blinding himself? Sado-masochist?
Sixth sentence: To answer his question, they're driving. Might it better clarify his intended thoughts to wonder where they're going, or what they were doing out so late at night?
Eighth sentence: He says: "...I didn't know why they were there." Repetitious. He's already wondered about this (sentence six).
I won't go further than to say that the entire fragment could use some tightening, but really minor stuff.
And if I had the time right now, I'd volunteer to read. But I don't, so I won't. But I'll catch you some other time, some other fragment.
13 lines, and I'm not convinced we're going anywhere.
I like the voice. I'm a little morbid in that, I guess. I like reading about cynical people (kind of like the cynicism I liked in Catcher in the Rye). I'll read it.
By the way, I find that unless someone says "I'll take a look at it," or "I want to read it" don't send it to them. Several of the entries are just comments about the opening (you can't read everything that gets posted...even though I'd like to sometimes).
Welcome to the group (I'm basically a newbie myself, but you can take that for what it's worth).