Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Elements

This is topic Elements - rewrite in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://www.hatrack.com/ubb/writers/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=11;t=000904

Posted by RFLong (Member # 1923) on :

Hi all.

It's round 2 on King Arthur...

This is a fantasy short story, just under 7.5k words - what I've described before as a proto-King Arthur legend. I'm looking for readers too.

quote:

Iasc kept his eyes fixed on Gwalchmai’s back as the warrior rode ahead of him. His own shaggy pony was a foul tempered beast as likely to take a chunk out of your arm as soon as look at you. The fact that she spent most of her time struggling to match the pace of Gwalchmai’s smooth gaited mount, Ereborne, might have excused her temper, if Iasc was feeling generous. But really, there was no comparing the two animals.
Much like Gwalchmai and himself.
But Iasc would see himself damned before he would ask Gwalchmai of the Setantii to give him quarter. The warrior’s tribe might have given the province of Uladh her legendary hero, but it didn’t mean that Iasc had to grovel before him and cry his pardon at every turn. The Hound of Culainn was long dead. And until recently, the Setantii were nothing but enforcers of the Roman walls, keeping the Picts out of the Gododdin. He didn’t even belong in Eriu.
As if sensing his thoughts, his companion looked back. Iasc scowled at him, hating his warrior build, his blue eyes, even the way he sat his horse

[This message has been edited by RFLong (edited April 07, 2005).]

Posted by Dude (Member # 1957) on :

I think this is much smoother than the last version. I like the topic and the characters that you introduce. If this is the beginning there is a little bit of info. overload, especially in the third paragraph between "Gwalchmai, the Setantii, province of Uladh, legendary hero, and the Hound of Culainn". This is not completely clear as written.

If you are looking for a reader, I would be interested. I can't promise a quick turn around, but I'll do my best(May take a week or more). Send to fsilv01s@uis.edu

Posted by Mr_Megalomaniac (Member # 2478) on :

I believe the term is "hooked". Yes, that's the word. I wouldn't mind giving the story a look over, but I don't know much about the time period you're basing it off of so I may not fully grasp the story, but I don't need to know nothing about anything.

Posted by Elan (Member # 2442) on :

I'd be interested in giving it a read. And I agree, this is a much better intro.

Posted by RFLong (Member # 1923) on :

Hi guys

hopefully the time period won't be too great an issue. It's the story that counts when you come down to it. I will send it on as soon as possible. I don't have the file to hand at the moment. It will be this evening at the latest.

Thanks a million
R