Look at this. Am I making a journal now? A diary? How sissy is that?
Friday, 9/23/2011.
Hey, I’m not going to write in this thing every day. Sitting under a tree, philosophizing is not my thing. But it sure beats listening to Professor Pickett jab on and on. Mu Iota Beta promised to get me out of class. Now I attend classes that I don’t even belong too.
“Pay your dues,” Tim said. He’s an Iota, the leader of our chapter. He looks a bit old for the frat scene. I guess that’s why he’s the boss.
“For how long?” I asked.
“Trust me, Nat,” he told me. “It’ll pay off in the long run.”
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I just started this, I have a loose outline for the story. So far, this is all I got. I'm wondering if this is the right start. I just finished reading Parable of the Sower, so decided to see if I could similarly use a diary format. I don't know if its that ripping off her idea or not.
[This message has been edited by ChrisOwens (edited April 26, 2005).]
Example
quote:
“Pay your dues,” Tim said.
Maybe in diary/journal form you would write something like:
Tim told me I had to pay my dues.
or
Tim, the leader of our Iota chapter, told me I had to pay my dues.
Just ideas.
[This message has been edited by EverGlowingHaze (edited April 26, 2005).]
About the story: I want some reassurance that the fraternity is going to be interesting. At present I'm very mildly hooked, hoping that it will be. I hope the narrator will tell us soon what's up.
Other than that it works: snotty tone, journal format, etc. It's been a while since I read Parable of the Sower -- but I am sure lots of writers have used journal format. I have, myself.
Otherwise, though, I like it.
It is essentially the diaries of a married couple trying to conceive. The husband, Sam, writes to himself... at first he starts with:
quote:
Dear...?
Dear.
Dear Book?
Dear Self? Dear Sam.
Good. Got that sorted out.
Then he mentions that his wife is forcing him to write the diary. Eventually, he starts his entries with "Dear etc." when he's despondent or "Yo, Stud!" when he's pleased with himself. It's funny most of the time.
The wife, Lucy, is writing to her imaginary friend from childhood, who she calls Penny. She writes hers in a paper journal, while Sam writes his on his laptop computer.
So, in this book, there is a nice back and forth between entries and you often get two polar views of the same event. It's really a good book... it's not brilliant, but it's very good.
But it perfectly illustrates how some people might write a journal or diary. And it uses plenty of quotes to show dialogue that occurred. Nothing wrong with that.
Good luck. This could be a valid start to your story. I wasn't immediately engaged, but the idea can work.
I also think the quotes worked well. (ha... actually I journal from time to time, and have used direct quotes in my real-life journal... am I weird for that?)
Is that because you say it like EYE-OATA?
Because I always have pronounced it like "YOTTA"
Hmmmm.
And the MIB, Men In Black thing.
I think quotes are okay. Have you read The Secret Diaries of Adrian Mole? Bit young for your target readership perhaps.
I wonder whether it is helpful to think of story beginnings as either 'valid' or 'invalid' like a driver's license. It is okay to think in terms of 'successful' or 'unsuccessful' but 'valid' makes it sound like there is some official body passing or failing your story beginnings. Which there is not. But there are agents and editors and publishers and finally the readers, whose interest you want to maintain for as long as possible. In that context this piece is successful (for me) only in a limited way. Your entries will have to become much longer at some point to keep the interest up, or you will have to employ some other device. Let the reader feel like they are involved and being told a story and not just receiving a weekly report. Sure the story engages my interest now, but I am not sure how long that will last without anticipating a change.
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited April 27, 2005).]
But that's the only promise of interest you've made.
Start with an interesting journal entry that will really frame where you want the story to go and gives the reader a clue of what type of story it will be.
My only nits are, as Hoptoad mentioned, the whole M.I.B. thing. As I was reading your opening, Mu Iota Beta, just wasn't rolling off the tongue (so to speak), so I tried shortening it in my mind and almost started laughing. If you are trying to draw an analogy -- great, keep it, go with it, possibly even punch it up so we know it's deliberate. If not, consider making a change.
Secondly, and this is a font issue over which you have no control, but uppercase "I" and lowercase "l" look identical in Arial/Helvetica font and it wasn't until I got to the "an Iota" that I actually started reading it correctly. Not your fault and nothing you can change, but a bit of a LOL moment for me.
[This message has been edited by Robyn_Hood (edited April 27, 2005).]
~TheoPhileo (Greek for "love of God" :P)
Writing a story as a journal (series of letters, transcripts of court/therapy/ummmm 
sessions) is a well establish practice, nobody is going to accuse you of ripping it from anyone.
For me, you were fine with the direct quote at first, but when it turned into an entire dialogue reported verbatim I got a little worried. Not terribly so, but I definitely saw EGH's point. When you write something, really think whether your character would write such a thing.
I've churned through the rough draft in case anyone wants to take a gander.
Wordcount: 2800
Genre : Science Fiction
Well, I guess you could call if SF, the viewpoint character never actaully sees anything that's SF, just hears about it secondhand. Its more about "political" intrique. I've tried to keep it as neutral to present day politics as possible.
Just being a wiseacre 
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited April 28, 2005).]