This is topic A Convocation of Clowns in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.


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Posted by MCameron (Member # 2391) on :
 
This is a flash, 328 words, that came from the first challenge. I've reworked it slightly and would like feedback. I suppose you could say that the genre is horror (evil clowns). Not really sure about that though.

The first two sentences:

quote:
The tiny car appeared out of nowhere right in front of me, and screeched to a halt. I slammed on my brakes as clowns piled out of it, bringing rush hour traffic to a standstill.

Any help is much appreciated!

--Mel
 


Posted by Beth (Member # 2192) on :
 
I don't think I read anything from the first challenge. I'll take a look.
 
Posted by Void (Member # 2567) on :
 
If you don't mind waiting a few days for the critique, I'd like to read it.
 
Posted by Rahl22 (Member # 1411) on :
 
Don't really need that comma in the first sentence.

I'll read it.
 


Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
 
I'll read.
 
Posted by MCameron (Member # 2391) on :
 
Thanks all! I have sent the story to those who volunteered.

--Mel
 


Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :
 
I'd like to read it also. I liked the first version.
 
Posted by MCameron (Member # 2391) on :
 
NewsBys: I'm doing a bit of work on the ending based on crits I have already received. I'll send the revised version over later tonight, if that's ok? Thanks for offering.

--Mel
 


Posted by mikemunsil (Member # 2109) on :
 
I liked that one, but you just don't look that twisted! Did that really come out of your smiling face?
 
Posted by MaryRobinette (Member # 1680) on :
 
I love the title of this. Mel, if I weren't out of town and owed five people crits I'd beg for this one.
 
Posted by MCameron (Member # 2391) on :
 
quote:
I liked that one, but you just don't look that twisted! Did that really come out of your smiling face?

*Evil grin* OK, now I have to write something really twisted for this week's challenge!

--Mel
 




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