Removed by Victoria. Thanks to NewsBys and M_LaVerne for your crits. Much appreciated.
[This message has been edited by Victoria (edited June 23, 2005).]
Posted by hoptoad (Member # 2145) on :
I may be dim, but it took me a moment to realise it was a christmas tree.
There may be some POV issues emerging, but would have to read more to make sure, like, who observes the tittering motorists?
I live in Australia and seeing christmas trees in Summer is normal here. When the pale woman emerges she is white from a long winter. Is she a visitor from the northern hemisphere?
I would change the line that says her leg settled on the blacktop. I don't even know what blacktop is, but guess its the road surface. Its an odd image.
I will read, if you want to send it.
Posted by M_LaVerne (Member # 2606) on :
Of course, it may not even be Christmas but the denizens of this laughable abode keep their tree up all year...
I didn't like the word "monstrosity." Let the reader decide it's a monstrosity based on the information you give...maybe call it the Christmas Icon. Dunno.
Posted by Victoria (Member # 2516) on :
Thats a good point M_LaVerne. I was trying to show size but instead came across negatively--giving the wrong description entirely.
Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :
I'm finding the third paragraph hard to read due to the number of adjectives.
