My Liberty Hall flash (The Artisan's Grandson) sparked a quite different idea, which this story follows. The opening is similar, but it soon diverges quite radically. I'm looking for readers and for comments on the opening (the story is 1800 words).
Thanks in advance!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Grandfather examined Elias’s new face with practiced hands. “An outstanding job if I say so myself,” he said, smiling his crinkly smile and stepping back to appraise Elias from a distance. “Yes,” he said, his eyes shining. “My finest work.”
Elias raised his hands to his face. Only minutes out of the growth compartment, and he had not yet touched it. It felt rougher than his birth face; more craggy. He ran his fingers along his jaw-line and his heart started beating wildly in his chest.
“Why—Artisan! You’ve given me whiskers!”
Grandfather laughed. A low, rumbling laugh that seemed to come from beneath the floor. “Weren’t you tired of waiting for them to come in?” he said. “Seventeen and still not a whisker. It was simply shameful!”
“And . . . my voice . . . it seems deeper!”
Grandfather sent him a crafty look. “This old goat still has a few tricks left,” he said.
[This message has been edited by davidedwardsmusic (edited July 15, 2005).]
[This message has been edited by davidedwardsmusic (edited July 15, 2005).]
Posted by NewsBys (Member # 1950) on :
Sounds interesting. I'd like to read more.
Posted by Spaceman (Member # 9240) on :
Send it over.
Posted by MaryRobinette (Member # 1680) on :
Oooo. Very interesting. You know I don't have time to read, right now, but I'd love to read a later draft.
I did want to mention that I thought I was in Grandfather's POV in the first sentence and was a little jarred when it became Elias's.
Posted by davidedwardsmusic (Member # 2678) on :
Thanks for the offers and feedback. I'll dash it off to you.
Posted by Kami (Member # 2692) on :
What an idea. I'd love to read it
Posted by Monolith (Member # 2034) on :
I'll take a look, it seems like it could be a fun bit to read.
I like the idea.
Email's above, but it might take a day or so to get back to you.
-Monolith-
Posted by dee_boncci (Member # 2733) on :
I'll take a look as well, if youre still looking for takers.