Check it out when you get a chance. I'm trying to get some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism on this series, so let me know what you think about it. Below, you'll find the first few lines from the current story, "The Beasts Among Us." Enjoy.
Claiborne Jail Spring, 1879
The life of a bounty hunter wasn’t always what it was cracked up to be. On this night in Claiborne, Ethan Stroud found himself bleeding and chained to the wall of a dark cell in Claiborne Jail. To make matters worse, he wasn’t alone.
“I suppose that’s enough of a beating for one night,” Silas, the jailer, said. “I wouldn’t want to mess you up too bad. I want you to be fully aware of what’s happening when the executioner gets you up on those gallows in the morning.”
Posted by Miriel (Member # 2719) on :
I think you could probably scratch the first paragraph. The only piece of information you'd loose is what the crime was: the fact that he's bleeding, in a jail, and that it's night, is all implied in the second paragraph. The second paragraph gets all the information out in a very dynamic way, while the first paragraph is static exposition. You wouldn't loose anything from deleting the first paragraph, but I think you'd gain a lot by doing it.
Posted by Shi Magadan (Member # 2260) on :
I would keep the first paragraph. Although, the first sentence sounds somewhat awkward to me, it sounds forced. Perhaps just get rid of the first sentence and start right off with the second.