The android was in love.
How it came to be in love is a wondrous story, full of life, joy, hope . . . proof, maybe that out there somewhere in the vast cosmos there sits a benevolent God, smiling down on all his creations–for did not God create the hand which created the android? –bestowing upon them all the knowledge and appreciation of everything that is . . .
Yes, a wondrous tale, that one . . . but regrettably, this is not that tale. This tale is not so joyous. And not so hopeful. Yet it is no less important, I think, and should be told, if for no other reason that in the telling and in the reading, we should all come a little closer to understanding what it means to be human
[This message has been edited by Sariel (edited October 21, 2005).]
[This message has been edited by Sariel (edited October 21, 2005).]
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited October 21, 2005).]
I do like the concept of an android in love - curious as to what the story is.
[This message has been edited by rahamad (edited October 21, 2005).]
[This message has been edited by rahamad (edited October 21, 2005).]
Other than that, I'm quite interested in this story. Nice work.
The Lemony Snickett angle might be a problem, as I'm sure by now editors have seen this done-to-death and are sick of it.
Still, there's that undeniably joyous quality to your writing.
Have you read any of John T. Sladek's humorous robot stories and novels? You should, as your opening here reminds me of his 1983 novel "Tik Tok".
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I people were waiting for me to cut this to 13 lines of manuscript text before commenting on it, you can go ahead now.
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It sounds a little like "A Series of Unfortunate Events" to me. If your aim is to do that, then it works. If not - rather than introducing a story you are not going to tell, I would go right into the story you are going to tell.
I do like the concept of an android in love - curious as to what the story is.
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This is a strange one... there's something altogether hackneyed about it, and yet at the same time there's a charming honesty to the writing.
The Lemony Snickett angle might be a problem, as I'm sure by now editors have seen this done-to-death and are sick of it.
Still, there's that undeniably joyous quality to your writing.
Have you read any of John T. Sladek's humorous robot stories and novels? You should, as your opening here reminds me of his 1983 novel "Tik Tok".
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This is a great concept and interesting treatment. I could like the whole thing if I didn't have a prejudice about introductory sentences which use he, she or it without specifying a name or other identifier.
quote:In the closing movement of the story, the narrator is revealed to be one of the characters. Not sure whether I should reveal that in the beginning or not.
An interesting beginning, but I think that perhaps the narrator could have a bit more character. Right now, it just sounds like a voice over for a movie trailer--or something to that effect.
Other than that, I'm quite interested in this story. Nice work.
This really isn't the story of a robot who wants to be a "real" boy... in fact, he'd mush rather stay a simple machine...
I submitted it to IGMS yesterday, so we'll see...
I say just tell us the tale. Forget the set up and drop us right in there (Did I say "tale" enough times?).
"The android was in love", was good though. That sets a nice mood, though it almost is ruined when you began to elaborate.
Hope this helps...
I also thought the introduction took a little too long, but I wasn't sure if this was a novel or a story. (It might be that I didn't notice.)
If it's a story, I'd like to get more into the character and PoV, but this point.
"Thank you for your story submission to Orson Scott Card's Intergalactic Medicine Show. We apologize for the long delay in responding to you, but our readers have been absolutely overwhelmed with the number of story submissions they have received. In fact, we started with one reader, and now we're up to three! We're thrilled at the level of interest in IGMS and hope that with additional readers, we'll get through our backlog before too long.
However, I wanted to let you know that your story did make it through the first cut, and will now be passed on to Mr. Card to read and make a final decision. There is quite a stack for him to read, so it could still be a month or two (possibly more) before we get back to you, so please be patient! You will hear from us one way or another – whether your story has been accepted or rejected.
Thank you again for your submission.
Sincerely,
Kathleen Bellamy
IGMS Managing Editor"
Needless to say, I'm jazzed.