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I am no longer a genius, whispered Sarah to her stolen jewel. It was shining in the sun and her hands could not leave it alone. She turned to face the empty beach, the jewel clutched to her chest, and announced: my genius is dead. Dead, you bastard ocean.
But both ocean and jewel answered with reflected sunlight that was filled with a mathematical complexity she grasped without wanting to, and then she knew her genius was alive and well.
It was maddening: she was still losing to the jewel. Soon she would succumb to complete obsession.
Which direction lead away from insanity? Sarah walked across the shore, each step a painful stumble, up and down the steep dunes, where wind blowing in gusts full of sand howled her
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited October 26, 2005).]
you meant led not lead.
I prefer writing styles that rely less on 'was'. You aren't being passive, per se, but you are being repetitive.
I got rather forcefully from OSC: don't use italics for thoughts. Do it just like you have it here, w/o italics, and people will get it. Except that if Sarah whispered, it's not a thought, it's spoken, so it needs quotes -- I'd say.
My comments:
I am no longer a genius, whispered Sarah to her stolen jewel. It was shining in the sun and her hands could not leave it alone. She turned to face the empty beach, the jewel clutched to her chest, and announced: my genius is dead. Dead, you bastard ocean.
But both ocean and jewel answered with reflected sunlight that was filled with a mathematical complexity she grasped without wanting to, and then she knew her genius was alive and well.
It was maddening: she was still losing to the jewel. [I DON'T FOLLOW.] Soon she would succumb to complete obsession.
Which direction lead away from insanity? [HUH?] Sarah walked ...
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I'm mildly hooked. I think Sarah's losing her mind -- has already lost it -- but may be struggling back to sanity. (Or away from it?) That would be cool.