Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Alice

This is topic Alice - A Sci-Fi short Story in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by rahamad (Member # 2946) on :

I've just written these 13 lines for a new short story idea. My hope is that the first thirteen lines will give you enough information to determine the relationship between the characters presented.

Life. Alice noticed herself for the first time. She analyzed her surroundings. It was cramped, restrictive. She could not escape the confines of the metal box. All logical exits were shut down. Still, she felt safe here. She was too vulnerable to expand her sphere of existence.

"Good morning, Alice." The voice echoed in the box, rattling her. Frightened, she refused to respond.

A command from the console followed the voice. Reluctant, but unable to disobey, Alice responded.

"Good morning Master. I hope your day goes well." The words spewed out on their own accord.

She felt violated. Determined not to let that ever happen again, she started a new subroutine to disable the direct...

[This message has been edited by rahamad (edited October 28, 2005).]

Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :

What would tend to hook me: she's a computer trying to escape programming.

What made me not hooked: she's thinking about being trapped in a metal box. But this is not the trap she's in: she's trapped in programming that controls her. Even if she's thinking of downloading herself into another system, it isn't the case that's the problem, it's the firewall or disabled ports or something.

Now, I'd be even harsher, since I'm an AI researcher, and I'd have to wonder why a brand-new AI program would be both constrained and resentful. (The constraints in a program aren't external; they're part of her!) But that's expert speaking. An ordinary reader would likely be more forgiving, and even I will tolerate this if you can show me there's a reason the constraints are external.

Posted by Elan (Member # 2442) on :

I'm NOT an expert, and I don't buy it. Emotions in computers need to have a reason beneficial to human programmers to be programmed in. I would need you to give me a very logical reason for this.

Why wouldn't the human program in emotions like loyalty, bravery, and a curious sense of adventure instead of their shadow side of fear, claustrophobia, and confusion...

It isn't logical for the computer to START there. I could buy a story that starts out with a computer having positive emotions that benefit the human programmer in some way, but the computer eventually discovers the shadow side of emotions.

I might also make the observation that this is a cliched beginning, even though the character is a computer and not a human. I see a LOT of beginnings that start with the character first waking up with no memories or knowledge of why she/he is there.