Swanie slowly slid the soft white fabric of her traditional Nigwa dress back and forth between her thumb and forefinger. It felt so smooth and elegant. She couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever feel anything like it again.

"Alright girls, straighten up. Let's look proper, it's almost time." Miss Connely swiftly walked down the line of girls making minor corrections where she saw fit. She was quite a sight to see in action. She seemed to glide down the line as if not paying attention in the slightest, and then suddenly catch something out of place, correct it, and continue down the line. She'd certainly seen her fair share of Nigwas.

Swanie tensed up a bit as Miss Connely approached. She let go of the dress, and then immediately looked down to make sure

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited October 30, 2005).]
 

What I don't like:
POV shift from Swanie, to Connely (who'd seen her fair share of Nigwa), back to Swanie. I think you should stick with Swanie.

Most important (to me): you aren't telling us the significance of this scene. Swanie wonders if she'll ever wear Nigwa again. What would stop her? Where are we? What are the consequences of Connely's disapproval: bad grade? Loss of employment? Beating? Why are the girls lined up for inspection? You could answer all this quickly -- perhaps, "It was finals day at finishing school, and if Swanie didn't pass her mother would throw her out on the street," or something.
 

I think that you effectively communicate that this ceremony is likely a once in a lifetime opportunity for Swanie (by the way, how did you come up with such a name?).

Your description of Miss Connely was a little off. I think that "then suddenly catch something out of place," kinda implies that she's surprised, which is the opposite of what you want. The word "catch" here could mean that she noticed it herself. If you rephrase that or even just omit it and concentrate on the manner in which she corrects things. Does she fuss over the clothes herself or does she instruct the girls on how to fix it? Is she sharp or gentle? Does she do it loudly or quietly? Stuff like that.

Also, by establishing that Swanie is observing Connely, you'll avoid making people think that the statement of what Connely has seen represents a change in POV.

Overall, I like it but have no time right now.