Here's a early flash (990wds) that I'm trying to figure out what to do with. I'm cleaning house, and I need to get more stuff out there making the rounds. Any help you can give would be great--the whole thing, or just the first 13.
------------------------- The Waiting
Sareck faced the wind. His finely woven tunic flapped against his chest as the salt polished his cheeks. He would never say aloud, even to himself, why he stood on these rocks, watching the sea, waiting. The sounds of the tide rushed towards him bringing kelp and seagrass as its offering. A gull cried out a warning. A crab scuttled beneath a rock. And Sareck waited, knowing that what he waited for would never come.
It had been this way for twelve years now. A constant vigil for the ghost of what he’d lost to the ancient sea. The waves this day seemed so tame compared to what raged the night he sailed his family across the gulf at Taiya. The sucking black. The groaning mast. And then all lost in the night.
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
I like the writing. The tone seems just right.
I'm put off by not knowing what MC is waiting for. Just tell us, in the first sentence or 2!
[This message has been edited by wbriggs (edited December 15, 2005).]
Posted by mikemunsil (Member # 2109) on :
I'll read. Please send it, with any info on how and what kind of crit you prefer.
Mike
Posted by NMgal (Member # 2769) on :
I'll read it. Please send it my way.
Posted by pantros (Member # 3237) on :
By the end of the first 13 I know we are looking at castaways.
I have time to read this. Send it over.
Posted by pixydust (Member # 2311) on :
Thanks guys, I'll get those out tonight.
Posted by sry (Member # 3052) on :
I liked the writing EXCEPT for the second sentence:
quote: He would never say aloud, even to himself, why he stood on these rocks, watching the sea, waiting.
which also, oddly enough, is the only other thing I didn't like: I don't know what he's waiting for--and if you're going to tell me he won't even admit it to himself, instead tell me WHY he won't? Will it scare him? Give him false hope? Dredge up bad memories? Is this fantasy and thinking of sometheing will have some magical effect?
I have no clue what genre this is and no clue what the story is going to be...other than the above-quoted sentence, I liked what I read, though.
-sry
Posted by pixydust (Member # 2311) on :
Sorry, I forgot to mention, this is speculative fiction.
I agree about the second sentence. It's always bugged me, but I left it to see if it was just me, or if it really was wrong.
Posted by Calligrapher (Member # 2985) on :
pixydust, I'd like to read you story. Please email it to me.
I'm coming to the conclusion that the first thirteen need to be looked at similarly to the way a newspaper article is written: The who, why, when, and where need to be made clear as soon as possible, or you will lose the reader. Your opening comes very close. It gives me enough information to make me want to read more.
Posted by mikemunsil (Member # 2109) on :
Done, pixy. You should have my response.
Posted by Calligrapher (Member # 2985) on :
pixydust, I just emailed you my critique. Hope it helps.
Posted by pixydust (Member # 2311) on :
Thanks you guys.
Posted by x__sockeh__x (Member # 3069) on :
Wow, it sounds great! Could I read the rest/whatever you have so far? My email is delphikib@gmail.com. Thanks!
Posted by MidnightWolf_ofClan_Zero (Member # 3074) on :
woah. I'll read it. Send it. Please. I posted some junk on here, and, if you will, take the time to read it. I really need some critiquing (sp?) done. Good or bad. Good writers, heck, ALL writers are welcome to input on my work. Purty please with sugar on top? Its called 'The Experiment'. Thanks bunches.
~Jinx
[This message has been edited by MidnightWolf_ofClan_Zero (edited December 17, 2005).]