Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Premise for a sci-fi / fantasy story.

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Posted by Calligrapher (Member # 2985) on :

Premise for a sci-fi / fantasy story. Would this entice you to read? I’m starting by describing the premise, rather than the first 13 lines, to see if the premise can stand on its own.

There is a “what if” world where creativity and imagination are not allowed and have been made illegal. All activities from music, photography, art, and pleasurable pastimes such as reading, quilting and fishing are prohibited. This world only permits “reality”, so inhabitants guilty of showing imagination and creativity are incarcerated and rehabbed in the “Reality Institute.”

The MC tries to convince the parole board that he has been rehabilitated and has lost all his creativity and imagination, and is only filled with “reality”. He fails to convince the parole board and is denied parole. He then tries to escape, which leads to the surrealistic / fantasy portion of the story.

I have failed miserably in writing the story, so I’m trying to sort out whether the premise is just stupid, whether the story was written poorly, or a combination of both stupid premise and poor writing. If the premise is ok, I’ll re-write the story. If the premise is stupid, I will abandon ship, and shred the story.

Thanks for any feedback you can provide. :-)

Posted by x__sockeh__x (Member # 3069) on :

Well, I think it's a good plot.

Don't stop writing it, I'm sure it will be good. If it's the story I think it is (Escape?) then I like both of the first 13 you wrote.

Posted by Kickle (Member # 1934) on :

I like the premise and yes, I like it better than either of the first 13s. I do like the naming concept in the second post, but I felt like both beginnings tried to give too much information. You may have to try several POV's and try beginning it at different places before you find the perfect blend. Don't give up, just don't force it. Do you know what his noncreative job was before he was arrested, I would think that would have been a great fustration for him. Do you know what creative muse is the strongest in him--no one has them all.

Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :

cf Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury. Fiction was illegal. Outlawing imagination, now, I don't think you could. Because if you did, it would be because you imagined someone would break that law. It's too basic. But you could outlaw representational art (and the law of Moses did, as did the Koran!), fiction, poetry, etc.

What would you be trying to say, in such a story? The topic doesn't grab me, but then, that doesn't mean lots of other people won't like it.

Posted by Elan (Member # 2442) on :

I would be dubious about the success of this premise in a story. You have to come up with a BELIEVABLE rationale for the law that restricts imagination. I don't think it's possible to come up with a reason good enough. It would be a silly law to tell people they can't have an imagination or be creative; first of all, it's unenforceable (unless you get into a brain-control scenerio).

HOWEVER... you could come up with a law that has the EFFECT of restricting imagination. I don't think it would be too hard to come up with a myriad of laws that could fit the bill. People usually pass laws with good intentions without contemplating the drawbacks.

Just make sure your story has a believable rationale for the premise and you'll be OK.

Posted by Tom Berrisford (Member # 3114) on :

I have to agree with wbriggs and Elan on this one. I haven't read your 13s, so I'm just going on what you've written here. I think it might be possible to do it well if you focus on banning the expressions of imagination and creativity instead of their actual existence. I could see young kids being arrested for playing with imaginary friends, girls playing with their Barbies or Bratz or the like, and any other game that requires them to pretend. This story idea reminds me a lot of 1984.

But before you can write this story, I think you first need to answer at least two very important questions.
Why were the expressions of creativity or imagination banned?
What would the society have been like before the ban?

(You've probably already been thinking about what society would be like after the ban, so I don't include that important question.)

[This message has been edited by Tom Berrisford (edited January 10, 2006).]

Posted by raconteuse (Member # 3119) on :

I think the basic premise of legistlating imagination could be interesting depending on how you handle it.

This is why it catches my interest: in the real world legislators write laws all the time that are impossible to enforce.

I read some comments above discussing the feasibility of enforcing a law forbidding creativity/imagination. To me, the fact that it can't really be enforced is the most fascinating part.

Take a look at some of the things the slashdot.org tech crowd are talking about (they are a fantastic sf and fiction audience). You'll probably notice that they talk a lot about internet, software, film and CD pirating legislation. The thing about these laws that bugs most techies I know, is not just the enfringement on their freedom, but the fact that the people making the laws know nothing about technology and write unenforceable laws. Sure, they can charge the occasional teenaged girl a few hundred thousand for downloading something from Napster, but that doesn't even begin to solve the problem. They can pay thousands to encrypt their DVDs, but usually such encryptions are broken by crackers in less than 24 hours from the release date.

You could also look at a place like China, which tried to outlaw certain internet content from being available to its citizens. Of course, China can't control every word written on the web, and there are techies with the ability to get to websites from other countries. What effect are the new outside ideas having on the populace?

Here's another interesting question. What is the effect of an unenforceable law on society? Do people stop respecting the law? Stop respecting the government? There are times when a society's laws are vital to its safety. What threats could this disrespect pose? Will your MC jump in to help save his society if it is threatened, or is he a loose cannon, angry with the government and its laws?

For me, the exciting part of your idea is that law is not absolute truth. It is a human construct made by humans for humans in their local group. Something like the creative impulse cannot be legislated, but that does not mean power-hungry or authority-threatened legislators won't try. A big key to your plot would have to explain why legislators would want to do such a thing. If you could come up with a convincing reason, describe the consequences of unenforceable laws, and create a MC willing to take his chances to practice his art and bring unfettered creativity back to his society, it would be the kind of book I'd like to read.

Good luck!

Posted by krazykiter (Member # 3108) on :

Your premise is a good one, and has been the premise for who knows how many books and movies, some considered classic fiction. Don't give up on it. I honestly think you tried to give your writers too much information up front in your earlier attempts.

I think you've got two good ideas floating around in there. There's the idea of society needing structure and regulation, but yet sometimes going too far in terms of privacy and/or unenforceable laws. Then there is the idea that creativity can be productive as well or it can serve as an escape into irresponsibility or laziness. Build your story on those two concepts.

There's also the interesting idea that imagination itself is a form of "escape" which your character can use to overcome his incarceration, and maybe even prove in the end that creativity can be just as productive as physical labor. It might be fun to see him overcome his obstacles without ever getting out of the building!

[This message has been edited by krazykiter (edited January 10, 2006).]

Posted by Zodiaxe (Member # 3106) on :

I've read the part of the story that you sent me. I'm sorry I haven't got back to you yet and plan on sending you back some notes.

I like the plot you have developed. It can work but it has to be done carefully as not to bore the reader with inaction, at least that's me, I like lotsa action. LOTR good book but come on, Frodo and Sam walking in the woods for like three hundred pages and just talking about the shire and life and yadda yadda yadda, was a bit much. It reminded me of all of those damn blood transfusions in Dracula... come on lets get on with some real neck biting and the good stuff! Like Moby Dick...the first line drew my attention and its a decent story...but, damn 400 pages and wll we got so far is..."Thar she blows!" and then the whale disappears back into the murk depths phhhttttt.... back to Ahab.

But, I like the idea. And I will get back with you this weekend.

Peace,
Scott

Posted by SwodahsNeetriht (Member # 2417) on :

When I read the first half of the premise (up until you describe what the main character does), it reminded me of the movie Equilibrium. In it, anything that inspires emotion is outlawed (art, music, books, pets, etc). Everyone takes doses of an emotion-surpressing drug to help ensure that they don't feel anything.
This sounded similar to your story idea except that the movie follows the main character (a Cleric, essentially part of the "emotion police"), as he slowly realizes that the banning of emotions is wrong and attempts to overthrow the system. But the overall universe you described seemed similar. Just thought I'd point that out (sorry if I'm being the bearer of bad news here).

Posted by HandEyeProtege on :

I think the premise can work, but you should definitely be aware of the existing prominent works that are along those lines. (Nineteen eighty-four is the one that comes in mind for me.) I can think of two big questions, and how you answer them is what may totally differentiate your story from others.

1) WHY is creativity outlawed? What do the lawmakers stand to gain from it? Keeping themselves in power is an obvious answer, but I wonder if you couldn't add a twist to it...

2) HOW is this ban on creativity enforced? Are they looking for any expression of it (like Big Brother in 1984)? Are they somehow conditioning people against it? (They did this in 1984 through the concepts of newspeak and doublethink.) Maybe they have some sort of way of reading people's minds and detecting when a create thought occurs to them.

[This message has been edited by HandEyeProtege (edited January 12, 2006).]