The sun was about to break through the clouds and make my life a lot squintier. I had been hoping the cloud cover would last until I was done, but it wasn't. At least it wasn't raining. I'd rather be sun burnt and half blind than cold and soaked. Maybe I could afford a cheap pair of sunglasses after this haul. I gave my garbage bag a shake to gauge how full it was. Hmm. Not this time. Maybe next week.
I remember riding along the highway with my father when I was 12 years old. When he finished his drink, he rolled down my window and threw his empty plastic Coke bottle out into the ditch. Being a child raised on Sesame Street, I brought up the issue of littering.
Posted by hyperferrianism (Member # 3238) on :
Let me give a little explanation of the above fragment. It's from a very short story I wrote (about 1000 words) called "Ditch." It's about a guy who lives in his van and earns money by collecting bottles from ditches along highways. He's perfectly content with this lifestyle.
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
I was out on the highway, picking up litter, because I couldn't stand to have it in front of my house. My life ...
That is, I want to know what's going on.
I'll also want a hook.
Posted by Corky (Member # 2714) on :
quote:He's perfectly content with this lifestyle.
Then I really hope you are going to kick him out of it soon, or there's no interest in the story.
Posted by BrianJKoch (Member # 2966) on :
This is a little too lackadaisical for me. I thought the story was set in the future after a nuclear holocaust when trash was valuable.
You're not getting much mileage per word. Unless you're trying to create a gloomy mood, I would tighten it up. Then again, I suffer from ADD.
If you want me to give you some examples (which you can rejective, if you don't feel they fit), email me a copy of the story and I look at it.
email: Bissel@DirecWay.com
Keep writing,
Brian J. Koch
Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :
It has promise, but you make too big a deal out of the sunglasses. Fueling a van takes a lot more money, if it comes to that. I would offer to read this, but I'm just doing a drive-by to get back in practice right now.
Posted by Christine (Member # 1646) on :
Warning! Warning! Author follows up with expanation!
Hard truth: As writers, we get our words and nothing else. If you think it's important that this guy makes a living collecting cans from the side of the road then show it to me in your first paragraph.
I didn't feel as if much was happening in this introduction. Given that this is only 1k words, I tend to need every word to mean something. I think you may need to find a different starting point, but then that's just one person's spin on it.
