hey, i know this is a break from the usual genre's that are represented here, but i figured if anybody can help me on this paper it would be you guys. It is a research paper on the rise of the US mens national soccer team, and the increasing amount of support at home for the sport. I was kind of weary about posting the first 13 lines here, as i have an odd style of writing when it comes to research papers (yet i usually get pretty strong grades). i have finished the paper and it comes to about 1402 words. i really need people who are willing to read the paper. ----------------------------------------------------------- Throughout history, many sports teams have faced difficult odds in their rise to glory. Few teams, however have faced the opposition and harsh criticism from home and abroad than the United States National Soccer team. Despite the long odds, and popular opinions of soccer as being foreign, the United States has gradually proven itself to be a formidable force on the world soccer scene. Soccer’s foundations in North America in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s were weak at best. Several attempts at a professional league failed, including the American League of Professional Football Clubs, a league that lasted only one season, for three weeks.
Posted by Archon (Member # 3273) on :
First off, you need a thesis. With either an essay or a research paper, you HAVE to have a thesis or your teacher will rip out his/her hair and jump off a balcony... maybe not that bad, but the way my teachers behave when we turn in our papers, you'd think so.
So right now, you said in your summary: "The rise of the US mens national soccer team and the increasing amount of support at home for the sport." What I would suggest would be to keep the idea of your thesis at "The rise of the US mens nation soccer team" and have the 'increasing amount of support at home for the sport' be one of your body paragraphs. Or little clips inside your other paragraphs for when the team gets its victories or failures.
'Throughout history, many sports teams have faced difficult odds in their rise to glory. Few teams, however have faced the opposition and harsh criticism from home and abroad than the United States National Soccer team.'
I like these two sentences. They begin the paper very well by first giving a general reference about difficult odds and then narrowing it down on your topic: the rise of the US mens national soccer team. The rest of what you have in the first thirteen isn't much of an opener to a research paper. It looks more to be the first body paragraph. If your going about the paper in a linear time sense (this is what it was like in the beginning, this in the middle, and now like this today) just use that information in the first body paragraph. You're getting too specific for the introduction.
However, this is just my take on the first thirteen lines. I may have completely missed the point, which might be bad for both of us, I'm not sure. Although I wouldn't mind helping you with the rest, I don't have the time to read through your whole paper at this time. But keep up the good work.
Cheers, Cassie
Posted by chemo_man (Member # 3150) on :
thank you, this is perfect. And I do have the paper going in chronological order. If you ever have the time to read it, and are still interested, i have till late April to turn it in. Thanks
Posted by Elan (Member # 2442) on :
One thing strikes me as needing a slight rewording. You said: "Few teams, however have faced the opposition and harsh criticism from home and abroad than the United States National Soccer team.'"
Read that sentence aloud, and you'll hear the error in it. The word "than" by itself isn't what you need here.
Perhaps something like: Few teams have faced the opposition and harsh criticism, from home and abroad, than that faced by the United States National Soccer team.
If it were my sentence, I'd restructure it so you aren't using the word "faced" twice, but this gives you a sample of what I mean.
Alas, I am a sports heathen, and not only do I know nothing of sports, the very topic bores me to tears. I'd offer to read your paper but I know I'd go into a coma by the end of the first paragraph. Hopefully my help on your first 13 will suffice. Good luck on your assignment!
Posted by chemo_man (Member # 3150) on :
thanks for the advice.
Posted by Susannaj4 (Member # 3189) on :
I see where you are going with this and I must say that if someone demands that the thesis sentence be the first one, maybe it should say something about soccer.
Formidable opposition and harsh criticism from home are just two of the many obstacles the United States National Soccer team has had to overcome to prove itself on the world soccer scene.
Or something like that.
Posted by Vatyma (Member # 2749) on :
I'll read it, send it to mussa.fatima@gmail.com.
Posted by Keeley (Member # 2088) on :
What's the name/subject of the class?
Posted by chemo_man (Member # 3150) on :
english 101: english composition
Posted by Popeyesays (Member # 3294) on :
There's a quick trick to writing a thesis paper.
First you have to have a thesis - a single sentence which is what you wish to prove with the paper you write.
Then write the body of the paper, don't write the introduction at this point at all.
When you have completed the body of the paper, write a conclusion to review how you have proved your thesis.
Then re-write the whole thing, do not do the intro as yet.
Only when you've finished the whole paper should you write the introduction. Now you KNOW what you have said, and how you have proved your point. Now is the time to introduce the paper with the proper style.
Regards, Scott
Posted by chemo_man (Member # 3150) on :
hey, i was just checking to see if there is anybody else willing to read the paper, or if there is anymore advice to be given before i start working on the final project. thanks!
Good luck on your assignment!