Hatrack River Writers Workshop: The High Priest's Mathematician, Chapter 4

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Posted by trousercuit (Member # 3235) on :

Shouldn't a chapter grab you as well?

I'm not sure if this is against the rules, so I'm putting on my optimistic hat and posting it. It's the beginning of a chapter in the novel I'm working on.

quote:
It's a curious fact that nearly every known habitable planet in the galaxy has humans on it, with vegetation and animals capable of supporting human life. It's just about as curious as the fact that every planet's core contains the exact configuration of elements needed to propel the planet against the ether's probabilistic drag and stay in orbit. Even curiouser is the fact that nearly every habitable planet has dogs and horses.
On the other hand, the cockroaches didn't surprise anybody.
Regardless of these similarities, vegetation tends to vary widely from planet to planet. So when Crispin stepped out of the family cruiser, he was very surprised to see aspen and pine.

I have two major questions:

1) If you were already reading the novel and interested, what effect would this chapter opening have on your interest level?

2) Does OSC's "first paragraph" rule apply to chapters?

Posted by Novice (Member # 3379) on :

Has anyone read "The Amulet of Samarkand"? He has these footnote "asides" that are hilarious. I applaud the brave agent and editor, as footnotes are usually so frowned upon. I mention it here because your first paragraph has that tone, information that isn't necessary to the plot (IMO) but adds to the character of the book. This opener wouldn't turn me off, but I can see where some readers would put on their skimming glasses, so you might find a way to set it out of the rest of the text. Maybe have a short text at the beginning of the chapter, like a quotation.

To answer your questions: 1.) It wouldn't elevate or impede my interest level, as long as it wasn't the only passage in the book with that tone. If you have no other such philosophical musings anywhere else in the book, it would stick out badly.
2.) I have no idea.

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

It's...hard to say. I would find it very curious that any habitable planet, known to man, should not be inhabited by humans, along with an ecology capable of supporting them. In fact, the ecology capable of supporting them is a bit of a tautology, don't you think? If the ecology can't support humans, it isn't very habitable, after all.

A careful reading of the implications of the second sentance reveals that by "curious" you mean "logically necessary". After all, a planet can hardly exist (as a planet, anyway) if it doesn't have the characteristics that are "needed" for it to remain in orbit.

Then you say that it is "even curiouser" that every habitable planet has dogs and horses. Here we're tempted to part ways with the interpretation of "curious" as meaning "logically necessary" because it doesn't seem necessary that dogs and horses would be on every planet, many human societies had no place for either of these animals. At the same time, it doesn't seem "curious" in the original sense of the word either, simply less logically necessary.

And then you say that the cockroaches didn't surprise anyone. Which leaves me with no idea what you were trying to say in the first paragraph.

So, Crispin steps out of the cruiser and discovers that, contrary to his expectation, aspen and pine are visible. Why is this contrary to his expectation? Obviously it is because his prior information about whether to expect such things was incorrect. The simple lack of expectation could produce no such reaction. He must have been particularly informed that, at the landing site of his family cruiser, he would not encounter such trees. It would probably be good if you could mention that information (and why it is important) before Crispen's experience contradicts it.

If I were already reading the novel, and met this chapter opening, I would mostly simply be puzzled. I don't think it would make me stop reading if I were interested, but it would certainly give me pause.

Posted by arriki (Member # 3079) on :

I see these bits of info done in an interesting way or philosophical ruminations...I see this done all the time in published novels.

Yes, it can work. Has to be interesting in some way, though. You can't just slap on some brief info dump. I little humor works. A sarcastic attitude to the narrative. Something.

And yes, chapter openings need to be inviting, just as inviting as the novel's opening.

Posted by trousercuit (Member # 3235) on :

There's a certain blindness to your own words, I suppose. And darn it, Survivor, you cut right through it. I originally posted what I wrote. Here's what I meant:

quote:
It's a curious fact that nearly every habitable planet discovered in the galaxy already had humans on it, with vegetation and animals capable of supporting human life. Even curiouser is the fact that all those planets already had dogs and horses.
On the other hand, the cockroaches didn't surprise anybody.
Regardless of these similarities, vegetation tends to vary widely from planet to planet. So when Crispin stepped out of the family cruiser, he was very surprised to see aspen and pine.

[This message has been edited by trousercuit (edited July 09, 2006).]

Posted by Louiseoneal (Member # 3494) on :

I enjoy this in a novel. Good Omens, for example, is filled with these humorous asides, although often they tie in later to the plot, something you might consider doing with your asides, too.

Posted by Survivor (Member # 213) on :

Ah, that raises the interesting question of who is doing this discovering.

More to the point, it is the sort of fact that tends to be interpreted as evidence of something. Which demands exploration. I'll presume you get around to it later.

Crispin's surprise still puzzles me. It seems to be implied that his family cruiser is capable of interplanetary (and possibly interstellar) travel on a timescale shorter than his own lifespan. That would make it unsurprising that seeds could also be transported. Since it is called his family cruiser, I get the immediate impression that such travel has been available for a while.

However, that is all in the context of this chapter opening. If the previous chapter gave some reason Crispin would expect that there couldn't be pines and aspen on this landing site, it would make sense. It's just that the rest of this opening seems to indicate that it's trying for exposition of why he's surprised, and yet it doesn't quite succeed for me.

Posted by trousercuit (Member # 3235) on :

Survivor:

Ah, I see. Thus the reason F&F is mainly for story hooks. Context!

It's an uncharted planet. As far as Crispin can tell, he discovered it. He wouldn't expect to see anything familiar except humans, dogs, and horses.

Louiseoneal:

It's not essential to the plot, though it does tie in well with an antagonist of a main character. Good point, I'll keep it in mind. It's why I took out the self-propulsion business - it's part of the milieu, but it has nothing to do with the story, really.

Posted by wrenbird (Member # 3245) on :

I'd read on. One minor thing. "Even curiouser is the fact that . . ." I think it would read easier as "Even more curious is the fact that . . ."

Posted by oliverhouse (Member # 3432) on :

I haven't posted because I haven't had anything specific to add, but for what it's worth I think this is funny and would work as a chapter opening.

Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :

I'd keep reading. Sounds like it's going to be humorous (which is why I'll tolerate the probabilistic ether thing).

Hey, no need to just have dogs and horses (unless it's important to the plot). Every habitable world could have horses, poison ivy, and Chihuahuas.

Posted by trousercuit (Member # 3235) on :

My heck! Chihuahuas! Where is my mind?

I know where it is, actually. There's a tricky balance between "really funny" and "too silly to believe," and I'm still trying to find it.

I've put the ether somewhere else, in another chapter opening, where it actually makes sense. Yay me!