Hatrack River Writers Workshop: Legacy of the Demon [Science Fiction / Fantasy]

This is topic Legacy of the Demon [Science Fiction / Fantasy] in forum Fragments and Feedback for Short Works at Hatrack River Writers Workshop.

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Posted by Doublehex (Member # 3433) on :

She could not believe it. She simply could not believe it. The prospect that she was to be to perform a vow she had dreamed of performing ever since she was but a mere girl, when she would have childish fairy tales read to her as much as possible, when she would sit on her mother’s lap and they would talk so foolishly about this very particular event, of the importance behind it and yet the great happiness of it. Every day she would smile with great pride of the day of this vow, for her there was no more important vow than this one, not by a long shot.

She smiled with great pride when she finally realized that she was going to get married. She, Princess Alladra of Galbadia, was going to exchange vows with Duke Fredrick Zarakan, the

I am looking for someone to act as a pre reader for me, to give me CC as I continue to write this. If you are interested, please give me your IM so that we can talk.

AIM - doublehex168
MSN - doublehex@gmail.com

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited August 12, 2006).]

Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :

CC?

I don't use IM.

I like the characterization here. She's a mercenary and a money snob. Cool.

I think you could cut most of the words and get the same effect, which is good, because I got lost in sentence two, unable to follow it.

quote:
She could not believe it. She simply could not believe it. she was to perform a vow she had dreamed of since she was a mere girl: she was going to get married.
She, Princess Alladra of Galbadia...

[This message has been edited by wbriggs (edited August 12, 2006).]

Posted by pixydust (Member # 2311) on :

Yes, I think you labor too long and get to the point a little too late. Let us in on it asap like Will mentioned.

Posted by Doublehex (Member # 3433) on :

CC?

-CC stands for Constructive Criticsm. I thought it was a commonly used term in writing circles. My bad for presuming too much.

I like the characterization here. She's a mercenary and a money snob. Cool.

-Mercanry? Money snob? Where on earth did you get those idea from?