The world knew Tyler Patrick O’Shea as an eccentric, self centered, psycho daredevil who made Evil Knieval look like Pee-Wee Herman. O’Shea was on intimate terms with lethal danger. He danced with death, he tap danced up to death’s door on many occasion, he twirled the tango with the Grim Reaper, he waltzed with the ****er too just to catch that moby dick sized buzz of adrenaline that pulsed through his body in the comforting , peaceful afterglow that resulted from a close encounter with the big D. While most normal yokels viewed death as a bottomless black void, O’Shea peered over the edge of that mother with the enthusiasm of a kid peering down through a sidewak grate at the faded color images of the very first playboy centerfold to ever cross his bulging eyes.
Posted by wbriggs (Member # 2267) on :
I had a little trouble with the first line, because it's so thick with references and comparisons. Beyond that, well, I'd keep reading. I'll want something to happen PDQ.
Posted by Zoot (Member # 3176) on :
I would break up the first sentence into two seperate ones so it reads easier.
The second sentence would benefit from better punctuation and a little streamlining, too. It's a bit wordy for my liking.
These are all rudimentary things however, and easily fixed.
Overall I liked the voice, makes the MC sound like an interesting guy. I would read on, hoping for some action soon!
Posted by Nicole (Member # 3549) on :
I'd keep reading, I like quirky characters.
Everything that Zoot and wbriggs said, I agree with.
One thing though, the Pee-Wee Herman comparison is, to me, quite overused. It works, but I thought 'yes, it's always Pee-Wee'.